Thailand 2012: From panic to paradise

SHUDDERING, sweating, and dry-heaving - all mixed in with bouts of sickness and diarrhoea. This was horrendous.

I also knew exactly what it was: the onset of another panic attack, and just three days before the start of the holiday of a lifetime to Thailand.

I was aware that it was a panic attack because, unfortunately, this was not an isolated incident. In fact, I had endured these episodes for some years now and foolishly done nothing about them.

These situations had indeed been mentioned in passing on this blog in the days when I was learning to drive.

In my review of my third failed test, entitled 'Under Pressure' no less, I wrote: "My anxiety was so bad that no rational explanation could calm me down and, due to the resultant insomnia, I expected that I may even have to cancel."

Meanwhile, another panic attack in London was the reason why a promised review of my work experience at the Camden New Journal back in 2009 was conspicuous by its absence.

For, on the first morning of that placement, I had a visceral reaction, similar to the one which I described in anticipation of the trip to Thailand.

Specifically, I was overwhelmed by the fact that, as a trained journalist following my successful NCTJ course at Darlington, I expected myself to work in a way that any other reporter would.

By rights, I should have been able to do this, of course.

However, the panic attack rendered me unable to do much around the office and this negative experience has been reinforced by my failure to do any placements elsewhere since. Perhaps, even though I am now seeking help, I am just not cut out for it.

Recently, I have found life more difficult, despite the support of excellent friends and family, as a series of relatively stressful events happened one after another.

For instance, in March, I was the best man at the wedding of my best mate. Now, making a speech is widely regarded as one of the most pressurised occasions of a person's life if they are not used to public speaking.

Rather than a touch of the nerves, though, I entered full-blown panic mode with stomach acid shooting up my oesophagus, making me nauseous and unable to eat the fine wedding feast on offer.

That, in the end, I still managed to stand up and deliver the speech was nothing short of remarkable, according to the doctor, and it remains for me a very proud moment.

Indeed, without declaring that I want a medal or anything, the fact is that I have always managed generally to muddle through with any task which I was feeling anxious about, undoubtedly showing some strength of character.

Sadly, my panic attack about Thailand - a holiday, for goodness sake! - was perhaps the worst I had ever experienced. And so, I finally decided it was time to seek professional assistance. 

My excellent GP immediately prescribed some diazepam to take me down off the ceiling and two days of this powerful stuff was enough to start and get me on the straight and narrow.

By Thursday 3 May, I was ready to make a decision about Thailand - and thankfully so, given that my train to the south was due to set off at just after 1pm. This was really cutting it fine.

In the end, I decided to bite the bullet and ensure that I did not waste a lot of money and a most wonderful experience. Whether I liked it or not, I was going to Thailand.

First, though, I was off to Reading for a couple of days before a flight from Heathrow to Bangkok via Zurich.

Handily included in that time was a trip to the CAMRA Reading Beer Festival which impressed with its size and organisation.

Then, on Saturday 6 May, the real deal began. Following a nervy landing at the short stop-off in Zurich, courtesy of a skiddy arrival on a sodden runway, I was at last on board a plane to Bangkok.

An episode of the Simpsons and the music of the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, and Beethoven passed the time on the 10-hour flight which did not seem anywhere near as long to me.

And so to Bangkok. Admittedly, at first, I found the metropolis of the Thai capital a little overwhelming with its constant bustle.

But, after being introduced to the atmospheric Khao San Road - a Glastonbury-esque experience without the rain - I began properly to relax into my holiday.

I did not have long in Bangkok at this point to see the sights - although I did fit in my first ever ride in a tuk-tuk - as, once our crowd was assembled from various flights, we were off to the islands via a flight to Suritthani and a ferry.

Koh Samui and Koh Phangan are both idyllic places without being off the beaten track for the casual tourist (cf. the backpacker) and hiring scooters helped us get around the islands more easily.

In Lamai on Samui, we visited the Grandmother and Grandfather Rocks - so named because of their, er, appearance - as well as a nearby waterfall. Then, at night, we kicked back by drinking buckets of various concoctions at the Ark Bar while being hustled by nine-year-old children playing Connect 4.

Refusing to play one of the kids, she retorted that I was a "ladyboy" before running off. It was certainly not an insult which I expected to hear but quite amusing all the same.

Meanwhile, on Phangan, we reached the beach near the Haad Rin peninsula where the legendary Full Moon parties take place.

There was not one scheduled for when we were there and, though the expected Half Moon party was cancelled for renovation, the Jungle Experience near Baan Tai was an adequate replacement.

The week on the islands - four days on Samui, three on Phangan - were highly relaxing and exactly what I had needed. By this stage, there were no second thoughts in having taken the plunge.

Back to Bangkok for the second week and there was plenty of 'work' to be done if we wanted to see the sights.

The heat and humidity were tough going at the height of the afternoon but I soon learned that Sprite and the 7-Eleven shops were my friends and would just about keep me in my comfort zone.

So, what did we end up seeing in Bangkok then?

Well, the Grand Palace complex does indeed seem to be the grandest area of the capital. It is split into several quarters and features 34 buildings, many of which are still in proper use today.

But, while the Palace is one of the most extraordinary sights in Thailand, the mish-mash of its layout left me slightly confused and overwhelmed meaning my favourite tourist traps in Bangkok lie elsewhere.

Wat Pho nearby, for instance, is a much smaller complex but hardly forgettable on account of the huge Reclining Buddha which is its centrepiece.

And Wat Arun - the Temple of the Dawn (pictured) - is an imposing landmark on the west bank of Chao Phraya river, featuring a central prang of 86 metres.

Steep stairs allow tourists to clamber up the prang to gain a fine panoramic view of the skyscrapers overlooking the river - but more on that sort of thing a little later.

For, the entirety of the second week was not just spent in Bangkok: there was also an excursion out to Kanchanburi which took in the Kao Poon Cave and allowed us a walk along the reconstructed Bridge over the River Kwai.

A trip to a safari park required us to engage our consciences as it was clear that many of the animals were not treated particularly well.

Nevertheless, the feeding of bananas to giraffes and zebras produced happier memories and some great photographs. The giraffes were particularly friendly, moving their heads right inside the safari bus to snaffle the goodies while earning a stroke on the neck.

The second day of the tour featured the Erawan Falls, named after the three-headed white elephant of Hindu mythology.

I succeeded in reaching the top of the seven-tiered falls, and swam in gorgeous rock pools filled with unnervingly nippy fish. Later that day, I rode on the back of an elephant and then got comprehensively soaked when it swished river water with its trunk back over its head!

The remainder of the holiday was spent in Bangkok again, though our group of six dwindled in number as we left on our respective flights.

Even still on the last day when there were just two of us left, we made attempts to get around the city and be productive.

The stomach-turning Siriraj Medical Museum had been well-placed in a slot at the end of the break with its gruesome displays having earned it the nickname of 'The Museum of Death'.

And so it was just as well that it could be balanced out by some spectacular sights in our very last activity as we visited a skybar at the top of the State Tower.

Standing at a height of 810 feet, the view from the 64th floor was an amazing end to a holiday which I somehow almost never made it on.

I now know that staying at home would have been a foolish decision in the extreme and hindsight has caused me to shake my head in disbelief at a panic attack over a holiday.

Still, I cannot deny that it actually happened - and has happened in the past - and so the problem now needs to be dealt with properly.

In the meantime, the memories of my Thai hiatus are all good, and live on and on: many thanks to family and friends who helped me let it be.

Five live drive

IF AT FIRST you don't succeed, then try, try again.

That maxim has never seemed more appropriate to me than yesterday, the day of my fifth driving test - and success at last.

After four failures in the months running up to Christmas 2009, I made it a resolution to pass as quickly as I could in the new year.

The snowy weather meant I had little practice over the holiday season and so I moved this attempt back from 13th January to two weeks' later.

The extra time was spent doing a few more hours of practice but, just like previously, I was still nervous when test day arrived.

A final practice on the morning of the test with instructor David Convery settled me down and I succeeded in tidying up my manoeuvres, most particularly the reverse parallel park.

The test itself began at 12.43 under leaden skies though the roads were dry.

From the Gateshead test centre on Wellington Road in Dunston, I went straight on to the A1 for four miles to the West Road roundabout.

I made my way down the West Road and turned left at the Co-operative store crossroads into an estate where I performed my first manoeuvre - reverse round a curved corner.

Just pulling into stop before the manoeuvre, I showed my first real sign of nerves when I clumsily clipped the kerb after coming over a speed hump. This earned me one of just four minors on my test sheet.

Nevertheless, the curved corner manoeuvre went well and after some more estate driving, I was soon heading back to the test centre via the same crossroads and the A1 again.

I took the Dunston turn-off having still not done a second manoeuvre.

But, straight after the slip road, my confusion disappeared as I pulled into Beech Drive to do a reverse parallel park.

The morning practice paid dividends and I parked behind a white van without a problem.

It was then just a case of holding my nerve to get round the final few corners to the test centre.

When I arrived, I pulled into the parking bays aware that I had made no major mistakes. But I could not let myself believe it until the examiner said: "Peter, I'm pleased to say you've passed."

At that moment, the pent-up adrenaline suddenly surged and I leapt from the front seat to give a bear hug to David, my thrilled instructor.

My persistence had finally paid off. I had done it at last. I had given Millie the Micra a worthy owner.


Diary of a learner driver
November 2005
Applied for and received a provisional licence
January 2006
Took six hours of tuition but decided against learning to drive after fast losing confidence from early struggles with control of the car.
2009:
March 13
Passed theory test with 50/50 on the questions and 56/75 on hazard perception.
June 12
First assessment drive for two hours with instructor David Convery.
June 15-16
First crisis of confidence, a result of struggling with control of the car and clutch control in particular. David encouraged me to persist.
June 23
Last lesson before a break before Glastonbury Festival. After gaining some control of the car, I was introduced to some major roads and roundabouts.
July 6
Belated first lesson for almost two weeks after hiatus for Glastonbury Festival where I lost my spectacles causing a further delay.
July 31
Second crisis of confidence, regarding roundabouts in particular. My lack of understanding about which traffic affected me almost caused an accident and David applied the dual controls. I doubted once again if I could ever become a driver.
August 26
A major improvement on roundabouts raised my standard to test level but my observations were still quite poor and, with just a few corners to go before the end of the test, I failed my first attempt when attempting to turn right at a crossroads despite the presence of oncoming traffic.
September 26
A holiday in Portugal followed the first failed test, lasting until September 7. The bad nature of the failure provoked a third crisis of confidence and I decided to avoid the subject of driving for a while. I stopped contacting David, my instructor, until he sent a thought-provoking email. It pointed out that I had already invested a lot of time and money into passing my test over the summer, and that I really was not that far away.
October 12
I decided to continue but my driving confidence needed to be rebuilt as this was my first time back in a car for over six weeks.
October 29
Confidence was quickly restored thanks to some excellent tuition and I took my second test. I failed surprisingly on a turn in the road, despite this being my best/the easiest manoeuvre. Once again, my observations let me down.
October 31
The disappointment of a second failure was eased by the purchase of my very own car - a 2003 Nissan Micra Tempest in metallic blue, christened Millie by the previous owners.
November 25
A third test but a fourth crisis of confidence which ultimately killed off any chance of success. I put a lot of pressure on myself as I thought that I really ought to pass having narrowly failed on the previous occasions. This self-imposed stress and a poor body clock combined to give me hardly any sleep and it was no surprise when my thought-process failed towards the end of the test, leading me to choose the wrong lane on a roundabout.
December 16
After a few sessions of practice, I took a fourth test in much-improved spirits after a decent night of sleep. Unfortunately, I failed to clear a roundabout quickly enough having chosen to move off, and my last chance of passing before the holiday season was gone.
2010:
January 12-13
January 13th was the original date for my first attempt in 2010 but the wintry conditions meant I had not done any practice and I moved the test back two weeks. In the meantime, I took a few more lessons including some experience of driving on what ice remained on January 12th.
January 27
A fifth test and, finally, success. Persistence paid off and at last I got to tear up the L-plates. Instead, I attached some 'new driver' P-plates and completed a first 'independent' drive, a short trip to pick up my mother from work.

Big freeze hits personal plans

HEAVY snow and weeks of freezing weather have paralysed Britain and put all sorts of best laid plans to waste, including my own.

Newcastle United's trip to Reading has been postponed along with matches at Preston, Sheffield Wednesday and Watford in The Championship.

Only a handful of lower league games and matches in Scotland remain on at the moment.

The cold snap could not have come at a more inopportune time for me from a football perspective as I had intended to go to the match at the Madejski Stadium.

It was going to be my first away trip following the Toon since a Kevin Keegan-led team surrendered meekly to a 3-0 defeat against Liverpool in March 2008.

But the postponement now means the match is likely to be moved to midweek, making it much less likely that I will be able to attend.

At least the decision was understandable, and indeed expected, given that ongoing reports from Berkshire have suggested even the main roads in the area are at times impassable.

The early call also ensured that there are not hundreds of wasted car journeys as up to 4,000 Newcastle fans had expected to pack out the away end.

Unfortunately, I had already booked train tickets and so I still intend to use them and visit a friend in the area... as long as I can get there tomorrow.

My continued use of public transport comes as a direct result of still not yet being able to drive after several practical test failures in the second half of 2009.

The desire to pass has made my New Year Resolution for 2010 easy enough.

But having seen experienced drivers struggle in the conditions, and with heavy snow showers on Tyneside expected to last until the middle of next week, I have chosen to delay my next attempt until the end of the month.

This has, of course, made me reliant on the service provided by Go North East buses - and I must take this opportunity to give the company some rare praise.

Go North East has done exactly what you want from a transport company in this weather, though its operations have not been helped by the councils inexplicably running short of grit.

Bus drivers have shown courage and endeavour in providing as many services as close to timetable as possible.

Best of all, information on route changes, delays and cancellations has been regularly updated on the company's Facebook page since the snow started to fall.

In Tyneside, that was way back on 16th December, and while the weather is not quite unprecedented, this amount of snow has not been seen in Britain for 30 years.

At its deepest in Aviemore in the Scottish Highlands, 44cm (17.3in) has fallen. Temperatures as low as -20 degrees Celsius have been recorded.

There have been reports of panic buying in supermarkets and fears of gas shortages. The weight of ice has pulled down power lines, cutting off electricity to thousands of homes.

Tragically, the freezing conditions and hazardous state of the roads have killed at least 22 people across the country.

It puts my disappointment over the postponed football into perspective.

That familiar feeling

I HAD a less than four-midable outcome as a fourth driving test failure left me with a now familiar feeling.

Just like on my third attempt, my critical mistake was at a roundabout - this time, on the Team Valley.

But unlike last time when I used the wrong lane, it was my moving off which let me down.

Another major difference to my stressful third experience was the fact that I had a good night of sleep and felt alert rather than nervous.

And so, on approach to the roundabout, I realised there was traffic and I would not be able to go. I put the car into first gear and waited for a chance.

A couple of opportunities arose almost straightaway but I had not had enough time to notice them.

Sure enough, I spotted a third chance with a car from opposite blocking traffic from the right - and I decided to take it.

The gap was legitimate but I moved off so slowly that the car from opposite had gone and a truck from the right had begun to move.

I still managed to clear the junction in time but it was much tighter than it should have been and my lack of urgency caused the examiner to mark this as serious.

I had been assessed by this examiner previously - on my second effort when I failed on poor observation on a turn in the road.

The manoeuvre must be a favourite of his as he asked me to do it again but this time my concentration was much better and I completed it without any bother.

Having left the Gateshead test centre on Wellington Road in Dunston, I drove on the A189 to Bensham for the turn in the road before heading to Low Fell for my second manoeuvre, a reverse park.

Again, I overcame this task easily enough but elected to tidy up my straightening of the car by using first gear, costing me one of seven minors.

From there, I drove back to the test centre via the Waggon Team roundabout and a short trip on the A1 lasting just one junction.

While I realised at the time that I had made a mistake on the roundabout back on the Team Valley, I hoped the fact that I managed to clear the junction just in time would be considered in my favour.

But it was not to be, and the result left me once again scrambling for the positives.

As expected, the experience of three earlier tests made me less nervous and my manoeuvres passed off well in the test and in practice with my instructor David Convery.

The result, however, was another crushing blow and it means that Millie the Micra goes into 2010 still sitting outside the door without a fully-licensed owner.

Of course, I intend to continue into the new year until I pass but, after a fourth failure, I have also been left wondering if I will ever do enough to cross the finishing line.

Under pressure

MY THIRD driving test failure was perhaps the most inevitable of them all in the end.

Despite the experience of two earlier attempts, this was the first time that I felt an unbearable pressure to pass.

After relatively close calls on my first two tries, I expected myself to pass in the run-up to this latest test but failed with four minors and a serious.

My big mouth had blurted the date to all and sundry and so I put myself under even more pressure. Ultimately, my biggest worry was disappointing people.

I had taken the evening before the test off work. This leave had been taken before the result of my second test as I intended to visit York City for the Minstermen's match against my home town, Gateshead in the Blue Square Premier.

But, having failed on the second attempt, I ditched my trip to York as I had arranged for my next attempt for what would be the following morning.

I kept the annual leave, expecting to use the day to relax. But the time off had the opposite effect, serving to extend the length of time in which the nerves could build up.

At midnight, I settled myself down for what I hoped would be a good night of sleep.

Instead, I tossed and turned in bed for a few hours before a full-scale panic attack which had me sweating from every pore.

My anxiety was so bad that no rational explanation could calm me down and, due to the resultant insomnia, I expected that I may even have to cancel.

Eventually, pure exhaustion from the stress got me a few hours of shut-eye and I awoke in a slightly more positive mindset.

I was not feeling as tired as I thought I would be and my morning practice drive with instructor David Convery was of a reasonable standard.

It seemed somewhat remarkable given my previous state but, by mid-morning, I had calmed down sufficiently to sit the test at Gateshead test centre on Wellington Road in Dunston.

Still, I was hardly nerveless and early jitters meant that I made an error at my point-of-turn on a bay park, which was the first exercise after the sight test and show me/tell me questions.

I was able to correct this when straightening up, though, and headed towards the Teams where I was asked to do my second manoeuvre, a turn-in-the-road.

The turn-in-the-road was the element upon which I had surprisingly failed on my previous attempt.

But I had been practising the manoeuvre since the start of this driving process in June and that fail proved to be the exception rather than the rule as I found no difficulties this time.

From there, I went across the Waggon Team roundabout towards Lobley Hill before driving down Dunston Bank and across the crossroads at the bottom onto the A1.

I drove for just a mile on the carriageway in pouring rain and high winds, leaving at the third exit, signposted for Blaydon/Consett.

The next part of the test was where I made my latest crucial error as my tired brain confused the lane arrangement at a roundabout after the slip road.

The slip road had put me in the middle lane of three with a road merging from the left for the same direction and a separate right-hand lane for turning right.

Instead of using the middle lane on the roundabout, I chose the right-hand lane and narrowly avoided an accident by swerving to the correct exit.

I had confused being in the right-hand lane turning right with being on the right-hand side of two lanes going left.

It was a fundamental error and, I assure you, not one which I would usually do.

But I knew straightaway that it had cost me a chance of passing and the final few roundabouts back to the test centre were a case of going through the motions.

Ultimately, it was my concentration which had given way, just like my nerve had on the previous night. The lack of sleep from the latter undoubtedly resulted in the former.

Yet the test had an oddly cathartic effect of convincing me once again that I was a competent driver. Despite another bad mistake, I had reduced the number of minor errors to just four.

I think I just need to believe in myself a bit more - and get a better night's sleep next time.

Third time lucky?

ANOTHER driving test and another failure - but at least I feel much more satisfied with my effort this time.

I know from the result that I am not that far away from passing. I just need the certificate to prove it.

The critical moment in this second test came as I was completing the turn-in-the-road manoeuvre.

It is a surprising fail, as this is something which I have been doing in lessons since June - and a much easier exercise than reversing on a curved corner which I did earlier in the test.

It was also a highly irritating and frustrating fail, given the circumstances.

Having done the first two parts of the turn-in-the-road without difficulty, all that I needed to do was put the car back into the normal driving position.

While reversing, I had noticed a blue van approach from the right and slow down to assess the situation.

Satisfied that he would pull up and let me finish the manoeuvre, I checked to my left and started to drive my car forward.

Unfortunately, the van driver had not pulled up and instead had decided to continue his journey by going around me.

It meant we were both heading for the same bit of road and required sharp action on the brakes, which was marked as a 'serious'.

Behind the van, a black car pulled up in the same position. This time, I waited for longer to ensure the mistake was not repeated.

Irritatingly, the driver of the black car did exactly what I expected the van driver to do and waited patiently.

More irritating was the fact that I would not have even been doing a turn-in-the-road manoeuvre if I had been able to do a reverse park earlier in the test.

But that went by the wayside when another driver pulled up behind the car which I was going to reverse around just before I got the chance to engage reverse gear.

The aftermath of this test has been different to the last one, though.

After the test in August, my bad error ultimately caused me to lose a lot of confidence. This goes some way to explaining why it has taken me until the end of October to sit another test.

Even though I only had a few hours lessons from instructor David Convery in the run up to this test, my driving has improved and I feel so much more relaxed behind the wheel.

This is demonstrated by the marks on my test sheet. I had just six minors and three of those were for hesitation, a result of me erring too much on the side of caution at junctions.

Noticeably, I received no minors for my control of the car, and none for judgement, positioning or speed - all of which is very encouraging for my next test, already booked for November 25.

Finally, as if I needed any more incentive, there was a surprise addition to the family on Thursday night - introducing Millie, my own metallic-blue Nissan Micra.

A costly lapse

A SINGLE lapse of concentration was the difference between me being a driver this week and not being one as I failed my first practical driving test.

The critical moment came as I turned right on a light-controlled t-junction near the MetroCentre with around five minutes left on my way back to the Gateshead test centre on Wellington Road in Dunston.

Rather inexplicably, I had failed to take into account oncoming traffic and attempted to follow the car in front round the junction.

But, in doing so, I only narrowly avoided an accident as the examiner had to slam on the brakes and I got the shock of my life.

Unsurprisingly, this was marked down to be dangerous and completely spoiled a competent drive up until then during which my nerve had held out better than expected.

I had 'only' picked up eight minors but, obviously, I cannot argue with the result.

Indeed, I am satisfied in a way that I did not pass as it should hopefully stop me from doing something so stupid again when I am on the roads myself.

But I was also naturally gutted to have done such a stupid move at the end of one of my best drives.

The test started at the somewhat precise time of 10.24 in typical British summer weather - i.e. heavy rain.

After the standard eye-sight test and show-me, tell-me questions, I was asked to perform my first manoeuvre straightaway - a bay park at the test centre.

Fortunately, I had only just practiced this on the way in with my driving instructor, David Convery, and replicated it to make a strong start.

I then drove north on the A1 carriageway for four miles to Westerhope in Newcastle where I was asked to do my second manoeuvre, a reverse around a curved corner.

This was less successful as I went too fast to follow my reference properly and at one stage my tyres touched the kerb.

But I was able to correct the car successfully and quickly enough to avoid anything more than that being one of my eight minors.

After this, I headed back to Dunston via the West Road, Denton and Scotswood Bridge.

But then came the gut-wrenching feeling of failure after my horrific error with only a few junctions left.

As well as the cost of taking another test, another hugely disappointing factor is the unavoidable delay until my next go.

My second attempt will be on October 2nd, the gap of five weeks being caused by both myself and my instructor going away straight after one another in the meantime.

Hopefully, by then, I will have cut out the ridiculous mistakes and that good things indeed come to those who wait.

Back to work, back to reality...

And back to the blog - which rather unintentionally and regretfully has become a once-a-week thing. Once again, I must apologise to my readers.

The problem is, you see, that I've been even busier since Glastonbury Festival than I was before it. Now I have a job.

Unfortunately, it is not in the field of journalism. In fact, it is nowhere near. But it's a far sight better than being on the dole.

I'm actually back in the civil service, part-time, working for the compensation recovery unit of the Department of Work and Pensions.

I had previously worked in a contact centre at HM Revenue and Customs for three years before the NCTJ course in September 2008.

At least this current job is evening shifts which gets me off the dole and allows me to carry on with my attempts at driving.

Speaking of which, my lessons became further delayed after my break at Glastonbury by my inadequate eyesight after I broke my glasses.

Thankfully, I have since had my biennial eye test and shelled out for two new pairs of spectacles - a tinted pair and a set of prescription sunglasses.

The gap between lessons behind the wheel (13 days) resulted in a real crisis of confidence - I could barely imagine getting the car started again and started considering whether it was worth
it after getting so uptight about.

But after a gentle introduction on Monday, I started to get it together again yesterday (Tuesday) and even improved from where I was before the break.

My Achilles' heel, however, is roundabouts, which I'm finding a nightmare as I am struggling to read the traffic properly.

My instructor, David Convery, has promised we will work on it this week so hopefully I will have more positive news then.

Although the job and the driving taking up a significant proportion of my week, I intend to keep this blog going - even though, for the last couple of weeks, it has looked as if it's dying out.

I am still looking for work as a writer - and can only feel my chances will improve by keeping this blog going and to pass my driving test.

And to make sure my readers have something to read during this month, I will be publishing my thoughts throughout The Ashes contest between England and Australia on this blog.

That starts later this morning with a preview of the series on the opening day of the First Test.

The Intrepid Reporter is away

Apologies for the lack of updates recently but I'm afraid it is unlikely to change any time soon.

My excuse for the last week has been my ever increasing focus on the semi-intensive driving course (21 hours completed) and the elusive search for a job.

But this upcoming break from posting is very much a case of pleasure rather than business.

As you may be aware from my previous post, I'll be spending the next four nights in a tent in a field at Glastonbury Festival (follow live festival updates here).

Well, it is my idea of fun!

And while I intend to take a break from the humdrum of everyday life, I promise to provide a post-festival review as I'm taking a notepad and pen to jot down anything that catches my attention.

Or, in all likelihood, by the end of the weekend, anything I can even vaguely remember.

On the road again...

Three and a half years since I last tried to learn to drive, I've decided to give it another go.

I had planned originally to do this first post a few days earlier but I wanted to see how well I would progress in first few lessons.

I have now completed 10 hours of a semi-intensive course which I started on Saturday with David Convery.

Unsurprisingly there have been some ups and downs already and, before lessons, I have struggled to contain the nerves or ignore nagging doubts.

I've already blogged on how nervous I've got in the past - it's almost to the point of fear.

But at least I've done better than last time when I only managed a few hours and didn't even graduate from going round and round the same patch of grass in the Team Valley.

At least now I'm driving from the front door and through proper housing estates in Winlaton - and between Winlaton, Rowlands Gill and High Spen. I even got in fifth gear once!

Since the first lesson, I have improved on handling the car, my use of speed and my awareness of what to do at junctions. I can drive the car in the higher gears without much of a problem.

But, frustratingly, I still frequently stall by failing to keep my feet still and releasing the gas before lifting the clutch in first gear. Grrr...

David, the instructor, is doing his best to improve matters and I'm glad I have chosen him as I seem most likely to pass (eventually) with him.

Today, in my fourth session, I did numerous hill starts and no fewer than four turns in the road with the aim of improving my clutch control.

But, as I finished the lesson, it remained as inconsistent as ever.

Fortunately enough, I have another three hours in the car tomorrow morning with yet more practice on the clutch and I'm ruddy determined to overcome this.

It would certainly be nice to have sorted by the time I go on holiday to the Glastonbury Festival next week.

The drive to succeed?

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

Franklin D Roosevelt (32nd President of the United States, 1933-1945) in his First Inaugural Address

A sad realisation is slowly dawning upon myself as I spend another day unemployed.

I worry my journalism dream might be over before it's even begun unless I gain some much-needed confidence.

It is now over six weeks since I finished the NCTJ course at Darlington College and yet I am no nearer to breaking into the industry.

In that time, there have only been four advertisements for trainee reporters on the HoldTheFrontPage website - at the Southend Echo, the Berwickshire News, the Brighton Argus and the Exmouth Journal.

This is despite the fact I passed all of the preliminary exams and invested a lot of my time to ensure I did so first time. I got my 100 words per minute shorthand and enjoyed my work experience at the Whitley Bay News Guardian and News Post Leader.

But the one thing that is evidently holding me back is the fact I can't drive.

In a way, it is no surprise I was rejected even without interview when three of the four advertisements stipulated that a full licence was required.

And while passing my driving test won't guarantee me a job, of course, it will give editors one less reason to toss my application in the bin.

I've held a provisional licence since 2006 when I stalled my way through six hours of ill-fated tuition before giving up, having not even managed the basics.

But on March 13 this year, after a week of studying, I passed the DSA Theory Test. Since then, however, I have not taken any practical lessons and it will not surprise anybody that I feel no more capable of driving a car now than I did a month ago.

I have planned to complete an intensive course, partly because I need a full licence on my CV asap but also just to get it out the way.

But a major reason I have yet to do this is because of fear.

Not nerves, but real pit-of-the-stomach fear that I might cause an accident or that the lessons will move to fast - or I will spend a significant outlay and still barely manage the basics.

I guess this intrepid reporter is not so intrepid after all.

Next week, I will receive an inheritance from my Nanna following the sale of her flat. The money should be enough to cover the cost of an intensive course, although it is not clear whether it will also extend to getting insured on my sister's car as I would appreciate a starter lesson from her first.

I suppose it's down to me to Just Do It, to borrow a phrase from Nike, but standing in my way remains this barely-logical, sickening feeling of fear.