There's definitely something about Art Brut which appeals to the eccentric in me.
And they certainly lived up to their zany image in their gig at the Other Rooms in Newcastle last night.
In between his dancing in the crowd and telling us his sex is on fire, lead Eddie Argos rattled through his repertoire of songs and introduced some from the new album, Art Brut Vs Satan.
As expected, their debut album hits My Little Brother and Emily Kane, a song about his first girlfriend when aged 15 which was used in the encore, got a big reception.
But there was no moshpit struggle at the front and no crowd surfers unintentionally kicking you in the back of the head.
It just wasn't the scene. Instead, gathered together was a bunch of people having fun and hanging on to every word of Argos' spoken vocals.
This gig was actually the third time I have seen Art Brut live.
On the first occasion in Spain, at the Benicassim festival in 2006, I only caught half the set because I was distracted by some Frenchmen and a few gin and tonics.
I was determined that I would see them when they came to Newcastle and managed this in early 2007 when they supported Maximo Park at their hometown gig at the Northumbria Students' Union.
But the secluded Other Rooms as a venue seemed to suit Art Brut much more and of the three gigs, I enjoyed this one the best.
And that was despite their failure to play what is widely accepted as their signature tune, Formed A Band, and my favourite which is Bad Weekend.
Actually, you could say I enjoyed it too much as shown by a drunken visit to the merchandise stall.
It ended up with me buying the new album (which I got signed by Argos!) but also, rather oddly, a cloth bag for which I have no real use for at all.
Except maybe to take it to Glastonbury which is now just eight weeks away as I can show that I care about the environment'n'stuff by carrying a reusable bag.
***
PS. Many thanks to my good friend Jonathan's dad for picking up the tickets which I had left at home and taking them into town for us. My uselessness will astound nobody who knows me well enough.
PPS. Sorry to anyone who actually checks and reads my blog for the lack of new posts in the last few days. I have been distracted by looking for work, the snooker and the plight of Newcastle United FC. But mainly just the snooker and NUFC, eek!
Thursday, 30 April 2009
The Apprentice - series 5, ep 6: Time runs out for Noorul
Noorul was fired at last by Sir Alan Sugar but only after the most turbulent boardroom session in the series following Empire's failure in the bric-a-brac task.
The 33-year-old science teacher Noorul had previously escaped attention by making a minimal contribution to tasks and avoiding being brought back into the boardroom.
Only last week, Philip made the point that while he had came up with the dreadful 'Pantsman' idea, Noorul had simply hidden in a superhero costume.
But this time, Noorul was not so lucky as he took his place in Empire under Ben's leadership.
Philip, meanwhile, was chosen as team leader of Ignite and was aiming to restore his reputation after the previous disaster.
After a meeting in an auction warehouse in Chiswick, the teams were tasked with offloading the same ten items of varying values with the aim of making a profit against the market price.
The purpose of the task was to see which candidates could make accurate valuations.
But neither of the team leaders were adept at spotting the luxury.
Philip seemed particularly clueless and, once again, he clashed with Lorraine.
This time, their argument was over the value of the Indian rug which Lorraine suggested was "the gem in the pack" but which Philip rejected as cheap tat.
Lorraine was right, though, and they should have realised this when they struggled to sell the item in a street market in what was described by Margaret Mountford as "one of the most stupid activities they have yet engaged in".
She said: "I'm speechless. That rug is the most expensive item that they have. They have completely ignored its true value apart from Lorraine."
But Ignite enjoyed a bit of luck by unexpectedly selling their human skeleton to a punter in the pub for £160.
And at least Philip had organised the task so that he, Mona and Lorraine had five items while Howard and Kate had the other five.
Over at Empire, cocksure team leader Ben was attempting to sell seven items with Noorul and Debra leaving Yasmina and James with just three.
Aware of the time constraints, Ben started to sell his items without taking valuations on them first, which meant their rug was eventually sold for just £55.
Noorul also sold the human skeleton, worth at least £150, for just £60 having set up a meeting... with an impoverished student.
Nick Hewer said: "They are treating the whole thing as a sort of flog off.
"I think it's about time to start getting a grip on this, otherwise you're going to start to panic and with just cause."
Indeed, the results for both teams were damning - they had both lost money!
Ignite made an overall loss of £34, making a profit of £96 on some items and a loss of £130 on the other two.
Empire made a "thumping" net loss of £169, making a profit of £78 on some of their items and a loss of £242 on others.
Winning team leader Philip allowed himself a smile as the results, and their reward of truffle tasting, was read out.
But this was jumped on immediately by Sir Alan.
He said: "As far as you're concerned, you have won but I don't know what you're smiling about - a loss is a loss.
"Philip, I really do hope you're signing on to what I'm trying to say because your mind is like concrete to me - thoroughly mixed but set in its ways."
But, as ever, Sir Alan saved most of his ire for the losers.
He blasted Ben for failing to take valuations and for not taking splitting the items evenly in his team.
And he accused Noorul of needing Ben's help to close the deal on the skeleton.
When Yasmina accused Debra of negativity, Debra claimed she had made more sales than anyone else on the team.
But Nick Hewer responded by suggesting she, too, had been helped by Ben in selling the books.
This provoked an angry reaction from Debra, which in turn irked Sir Alan.
Sir Alan said to her: "Excuse me. You find another way of expressing yourself. Stop talking to him [Nick] like he's a second class citizen.
"You talk to me and get your points over to me. Don't talk to him in that manner. Am I clear?"
Ben brought Noorul and Debra back to the boardroom but only after he had first selected James, with whom he has a long-standing rivalry, in place of Debra in a seemingly tactical move.
When James (and Sir Alan) reacted with bemusement to his selection, Ben changed his mind to Debra who made it clear she was "well up for" a boardroom confrontation.
As it happened, Debra escaped most of the crossfire, although she was told she was "nothing special" by Sir Alan.
The action was centred mainly on project manager Ben, who was accused by Sir Alan of looking like "a defeated man" and "a broken man".
And, later, Noorul got personal with Ben and suggested he was only on the show to secure magazine deals afterwards to which Ben responded that Noorul was "a desperate man".
But Sir Alan recognised that it was Noorul who effectively cost his team the task by underselling the bike and the skeleton.
It was for this, and the fact he had been so lucky in previous weeks, that Sir Alan fired him.
Sir Alan said: "It's been a difficult decision and I take the last six weeks into account.
"Noorul, I don't know what you have been doing here and I think you have escaped the radar. You're fired."
And once Noorul had walked out the room, Sir Alan added: "I got this feeling about Noorul. I did not see much from him in the past six weeks.
"All I can say is that whoever employs him better get a receipt."
But in the cab, Noorul said: "I certainly think Sir Alan fired the wrong person. Ben is such a hot head. He lied throughout.
"The fact that I spoke against him when all five of us were in there probably was what led to my downfall."
Meanwhile, Sir Alan had left survivors Debra and Ben in no doubt that they are both on unsure ground with Ben on a last warning.
The 33-year-old science teacher Noorul had previously escaped attention by making a minimal contribution to tasks and avoiding being brought back into the boardroom.
Only last week, Philip made the point that while he had came up with the dreadful 'Pantsman' idea, Noorul had simply hidden in a superhero costume.
But this time, Noorul was not so lucky as he took his place in Empire under Ben's leadership.
Philip, meanwhile, was chosen as team leader of Ignite and was aiming to restore his reputation after the previous disaster.
After a meeting in an auction warehouse in Chiswick, the teams were tasked with offloading the same ten items of varying values with the aim of making a profit against the market price.
The purpose of the task was to see which candidates could make accurate valuations.
But neither of the team leaders were adept at spotting the luxury.
Philip seemed particularly clueless and, once again, he clashed with Lorraine.
This time, their argument was over the value of the Indian rug which Lorraine suggested was "the gem in the pack" but which Philip rejected as cheap tat.
Lorraine was right, though, and they should have realised this when they struggled to sell the item in a street market in what was described by Margaret Mountford as "one of the most stupid activities they have yet engaged in".
She said: "I'm speechless. That rug is the most expensive item that they have. They have completely ignored its true value apart from Lorraine."
But Ignite enjoyed a bit of luck by unexpectedly selling their human skeleton to a punter in the pub for £160.
And at least Philip had organised the task so that he, Mona and Lorraine had five items while Howard and Kate had the other five.
Over at Empire, cocksure team leader Ben was attempting to sell seven items with Noorul and Debra leaving Yasmina and James with just three.
Aware of the time constraints, Ben started to sell his items without taking valuations on them first, which meant their rug was eventually sold for just £55.
Noorul also sold the human skeleton, worth at least £150, for just £60 having set up a meeting... with an impoverished student.
Nick Hewer said: "They are treating the whole thing as a sort of flog off.
"I think it's about time to start getting a grip on this, otherwise you're going to start to panic and with just cause."
Indeed, the results for both teams were damning - they had both lost money!
Ignite made an overall loss of £34, making a profit of £96 on some items and a loss of £130 on the other two.
Empire made a "thumping" net loss of £169, making a profit of £78 on some of their items and a loss of £242 on others.
Winning team leader Philip allowed himself a smile as the results, and their reward of truffle tasting, was read out.
But this was jumped on immediately by Sir Alan.
He said: "As far as you're concerned, you have won but I don't know what you're smiling about - a loss is a loss.
"Philip, I really do hope you're signing on to what I'm trying to say because your mind is like concrete to me - thoroughly mixed but set in its ways."
But, as ever, Sir Alan saved most of his ire for the losers.
He blasted Ben for failing to take valuations and for not taking splitting the items evenly in his team.
And he accused Noorul of needing Ben's help to close the deal on the skeleton.
When Yasmina accused Debra of negativity, Debra claimed she had made more sales than anyone else on the team.
But Nick Hewer responded by suggesting she, too, had been helped by Ben in selling the books.
This provoked an angry reaction from Debra, which in turn irked Sir Alan.
Sir Alan said to her: "Excuse me. You find another way of expressing yourself. Stop talking to him [Nick] like he's a second class citizen.
"You talk to me and get your points over to me. Don't talk to him in that manner. Am I clear?"
Ben brought Noorul and Debra back to the boardroom but only after he had first selected James, with whom he has a long-standing rivalry, in place of Debra in a seemingly tactical move.
When James (and Sir Alan) reacted with bemusement to his selection, Ben changed his mind to Debra who made it clear she was "well up for" a boardroom confrontation.
As it happened, Debra escaped most of the crossfire, although she was told she was "nothing special" by Sir Alan.
The action was centred mainly on project manager Ben, who was accused by Sir Alan of looking like "a defeated man" and "a broken man".
And, later, Noorul got personal with Ben and suggested he was only on the show to secure magazine deals afterwards to which Ben responded that Noorul was "a desperate man".
But Sir Alan recognised that it was Noorul who effectively cost his team the task by underselling the bike and the skeleton.
It was for this, and the fact he had been so lucky in previous weeks, that Sir Alan fired him.
Sir Alan said: "It's been a difficult decision and I take the last six weeks into account.
"Noorul, I don't know what you have been doing here and I think you have escaped the radar. You're fired."
And once Noorul had walked out the room, Sir Alan added: "I got this feeling about Noorul. I did not see much from him in the past six weeks.
"All I can say is that whoever employs him better get a receipt."
But in the cab, Noorul said: "I certainly think Sir Alan fired the wrong person. Ben is such a hot head. He lied throughout.
"The fact that I spoke against him when all five of us were in there probably was what led to my downfall."
Meanwhile, Sir Alan had left survivors Debra and Ben in no doubt that they are both on unsure ground with Ben on a last warning.
Saturday, 25 April 2009
Sport Preview, 24-26 April (Part II) : The car in front is a Toyota
Formula 1 qualifying
Jarno Trulli took pole from Timo Glock as Toyota managed to fill the front row for the first time for the Bahrain Grand Prix tomorrow.
Trulli will hope that this fifth career pole will bring him a second career win after he last tasted victory in Monaco in 2004.
And both he and Glock, in only his second F1 season, have both been in good form all year.
Trulli finished third in Australia and Glock managed to get on the podium in the shortened Malaysian GP.
Sebastien Vettel qualified third as he seeks a second successive win after victory in China but disaster hit his team mate Mark Webber.
Vettel will share the front row with the current championship leader, Brawn GP's Jenson Button.
And Button admitted his car was unable to challenge the Toyotas and Red Bulls over one lap but will hope to do better in the race itself. Team mate Rubens Barrichello starts from sixth.
Just behind Button is his compatriot and current world champion Lewis Hamilton who put in a good shift for McLaren.
McLaren were one of four teams using Kers, the others being Ferrari, BMW and Renault.
Kers was expected to benefit these times on Bahrain's long straights but only Hamilton and seventh-placed Fernando Alonso performed particularly well.
The Ferraris of Felipe Massa and Kimi Raikkonen were eighth and tenth respectively.
And the BMWs fared even worse with Robert Kubica and Nick Heidfeld posting 13th and 14th.
McLaren's Heiki Kovalainen also got knocked out in Q2 and will start 11th while Renault's Nelson Piquet Jr may have completed his last F1 qualifying session after qualifying in a miserable 15th.
Stuck in the bottom five alongside the Force Indias and Toro Rossos is Webber.
He qualified in 19th after Force India's Adrian Sutil weaved his car in front of Webber on the Aussie's flying lap in Q3 and it seems highly likely that the stewards will penalise the German.
But that won't help Webber who admits his race is "screwed" before it has even begun.
Athletics - London Marathon
One of the capital city's biggest events of the year takes place on Sunday as a few hundred elite athletes and thousands of fun-runners pound the streets of London.
In the men's race, Martin Lel is favourite to win his fourth race in five years.
And it would be Kenya's sixth successive win after Evans Rutto (2004) and Felix Limo (2006) also enjoyed recent success.
But it has been Lel who has utterly dominated the event and he set a new course record of 2:05:15 in 2008.
In the women's race, Britain's Paula Radcliffe will not be able to add to her three London Marathon wins.
Radcliffe, who won the event in 2002, 2003 and 2005, broke a toe when training in the US.
And she has been advised by current Olympic champion Constantina Dita to cut her workload if she still harbours ambitions to overcome her previous Olympic failures in 2012.
With Radcliffe out, Britain's best hope lies with Japanese-based Mara Yamuchi who finished sixth in the Beijing Olympics.
But the favourite for Sunday's race is German Irina Mikitenko who won in London and Berlin last year although she did not compete in Beijing.
And Mikitenko's closest challengers are expected to be Kenyan Catherine Ndereba and China's Zhou Chunxui.
Snooker latest
Mark Allen stunned Ronnie O'Sullivan to come from behind in their final session and win their second round match 13-11.
O'Sullivan began the final session at 9-7 but Allen took the first three frames to lead 10-9.
A break of 105 by O'Sullivan leveled the scores again going into the mid-session interval but Allen had showed he was prepared to push as hard as he could.
The next two frames were shared before a break of 80 put Allen one frame away with two to play.
But the Northern Irishman only needed one more to the shock of the Crucible theatre.
O'Sullivan's premature exit ends his chances this year at least for a fourth world title and means the honour has failed to be defended for the thirteenth successive season.
Allen joins Stephen Hendry and Shaun Murphy - who thrashed Marco Fu 13-3 - in the quarter finals.
Murphy had been booed by sections of the crowd when making his appearance for the first session.
But, yesterday, he stormed to a 7-1 over-night lead and then ruthlessly won the tie with a session to spare.
Murphy and Fu shared the opening four frames this morning, making the score 9-3.
But Murphy kicked on again and won another four frames on the spin, finishing with a break of 101.
And, after an edgy first round performance, he looks a real contender again.
So far, my predictions have been terrible with Allen, Hendry and Murphy all progressing at the expense of O'Sullivan, Ding Junhui and Fu.
At least it looks as if my Ryan Day-Nigel Bond prediction will come off, with Day leading 11-5.
Jarno Trulli took pole from Timo Glock as Toyota managed to fill the front row for the first time for the Bahrain Grand Prix tomorrow.
Trulli will hope that this fifth career pole will bring him a second career win after he last tasted victory in Monaco in 2004.
And both he and Glock, in only his second F1 season, have both been in good form all year.
Trulli finished third in Australia and Glock managed to get on the podium in the shortened Malaysian GP.
Sebastien Vettel qualified third as he seeks a second successive win after victory in China but disaster hit his team mate Mark Webber.
Vettel will share the front row with the current championship leader, Brawn GP's Jenson Button.
And Button admitted his car was unable to challenge the Toyotas and Red Bulls over one lap but will hope to do better in the race itself. Team mate Rubens Barrichello starts from sixth.
Just behind Button is his compatriot and current world champion Lewis Hamilton who put in a good shift for McLaren.
McLaren were one of four teams using Kers, the others being Ferrari, BMW and Renault.
Kers was expected to benefit these times on Bahrain's long straights but only Hamilton and seventh-placed Fernando Alonso performed particularly well.
The Ferraris of Felipe Massa and Kimi Raikkonen were eighth and tenth respectively.
And the BMWs fared even worse with Robert Kubica and Nick Heidfeld posting 13th and 14th.
McLaren's Heiki Kovalainen also got knocked out in Q2 and will start 11th while Renault's Nelson Piquet Jr may have completed his last F1 qualifying session after qualifying in a miserable 15th.
Stuck in the bottom five alongside the Force Indias and Toro Rossos is Webber.
He qualified in 19th after Force India's Adrian Sutil weaved his car in front of Webber on the Aussie's flying lap in Q3 and it seems highly likely that the stewards will penalise the German.
But that won't help Webber who admits his race is "screwed" before it has even begun.
Athletics - London Marathon
One of the capital city's biggest events of the year takes place on Sunday as a few hundred elite athletes and thousands of fun-runners pound the streets of London.
In the men's race, Martin Lel is favourite to win his fourth race in five years.
And it would be Kenya's sixth successive win after Evans Rutto (2004) and Felix Limo (2006) also enjoyed recent success.
But it has been Lel who has utterly dominated the event and he set a new course record of 2:05:15 in 2008.
In the women's race, Britain's Paula Radcliffe will not be able to add to her three London Marathon wins.
Radcliffe, who won the event in 2002, 2003 and 2005, broke a toe when training in the US.
And she has been advised by current Olympic champion Constantina Dita to cut her workload if she still harbours ambitions to overcome her previous Olympic failures in 2012.
With Radcliffe out, Britain's best hope lies with Japanese-based Mara Yamuchi who finished sixth in the Beijing Olympics.
But the favourite for Sunday's race is German Irina Mikitenko who won in London and Berlin last year although she did not compete in Beijing.
And Mikitenko's closest challengers are expected to be Kenyan Catherine Ndereba and China's Zhou Chunxui.
Snooker latest
Mark Allen stunned Ronnie O'Sullivan to come from behind in their final session and win their second round match 13-11.
O'Sullivan began the final session at 9-7 but Allen took the first three frames to lead 10-9.
A break of 105 by O'Sullivan leveled the scores again going into the mid-session interval but Allen had showed he was prepared to push as hard as he could.
The next two frames were shared before a break of 80 put Allen one frame away with two to play.
But the Northern Irishman only needed one more to the shock of the Crucible theatre.
O'Sullivan's premature exit ends his chances this year at least for a fourth world title and means the honour has failed to be defended for the thirteenth successive season.
Allen joins Stephen Hendry and Shaun Murphy - who thrashed Marco Fu 13-3 - in the quarter finals.
Murphy had been booed by sections of the crowd when making his appearance for the first session.
But, yesterday, he stormed to a 7-1 over-night lead and then ruthlessly won the tie with a session to spare.
Murphy and Fu shared the opening four frames this morning, making the score 9-3.
But Murphy kicked on again and won another four frames on the spin, finishing with a break of 101.
And, after an edgy first round performance, he looks a real contender again.
So far, my predictions have been terrible with Allen, Hendry and Murphy all progressing at the expense of O'Sullivan, Ding Junhui and Fu.
At least it looks as if my Ryan Day-Nigel Bond prediction will come off, with Day leading 11-5.
Friday, 24 April 2009
Sport Preview, 24-26 April (Part I)
Snooker
The World Snooker Championship moves into its second week with all but two of the seeds making it through the first round.
Joe Perry and Peter Ebdon were the only members of the top 16 to fall.
Perry was beaten 10-6 by impressive youngster Jamie Cope and Ebdon lost 10-5 to Nigel Bond as the 1995 runner-up turned back the clock.
But six-time champion Steve Davis looked a shadow of his former self in his 29th Crucible appearance as Aussie Neil Robertson enjoyed the easiest first round win, 10-2.
And it's fair to say the championships have not been vintage so far and there has yet to be a final frame decider.
But with the big-hitters all through, you would have to assume the best is yet to come. The top players certainly seem to be on scoring form.
They have made a fantastic 30 centuries already and surely the Crucible record of 68 will not be standing by the end of this year's competition.
The last 16 draw has set up some exciting match-ups which look like they are going to be a lot closer than those in the first round.
World champion Ronnie O'Sullivan has been drawn against another fast player around the table in Mark Allen.
The opening session finished all-square at 4-4 but O'Sullivan did not play at his best and would seem to have left enough in reverse to make it to the quarter finals.
A high-quality match between seven-time champion Stephen Hendry and the Chinese protege Ding Junhui is also level at 8-8 after two sessions.
Hendry may have won this match 13-7 at the same stage of last year's world championships but it was Ding who made the early running this time.
He took the first two frames, including an 129 break in frame two, although Hendry hit back and the match was level at 4-4 after the opening session.
In the next session, Hendry won four frames out of five, including a break of 114, to lead 8-6.
But Ding's break of 87 made is 8-7 before a dramatic final frame of the session in which both players had chances to win it on the black.
Ding emerged victorious from that particular battle and may now have a psychological edge going into this evening's final session which could prove to be the difference.
In the rest of the draw, Bond's reward for his first round win is a match against Ryan Day who beat Stephen Lee in an easy 10-4 first round victory.
The winner of Bond v Day is likely to meet O'Sullivan in the quarter finals.
Cope's second round match is against two-time winner John Higgins with the victor drawn to play a quarter final against 2006 champion Graeme Dott or the highly-rated Mark Selby.
In a repeat of the UK Championship final, the out-of-sorts 2005 world champion Shaun Murphy faces Marco Fu.
Fu comfortably beat Joe Swail 10-4 in the opening round and could be a good outside bet, although Hendry or Ding will await the winner.
In the bottom quarter of the draw, Ali Carter will play Robertson and Mark King faces Stephen Maguire who beat Jamie Burnett in the all-Scottish first round match - this time by 10-5.
My prediction for the quarter-final line up: O'Sullivan v Day, Higgins v Selby, Fu v Ding, Robertson v Maguire.
Football
Premier League:
The midweek matches made it very much advantage Manchester United.
United beat Portsmouth 2-0 to go three points clear (with a game in hand) on the same night Chelsea could only manage a 0-0 stalemate against Everton in a dress rehersal for the Cup final next month.
On the night before, Liverpool drew 4-4 again, a week after being knocked out of the Champions League with that score.
This time it was against Arsenal at Anfield, with Andrei Arshavin having hit all of the Gunners' goals.
Liverpool can return briefly back to the summit of the Premier League table and will expect to beat a dreadful Hull City team at the KC Stadium.
But United play in the Saturday tea-time match and will enjoy home advantage against Tottenham Hotspur.
Chelsea travel across the capital and face seventh-placed West Ham, still leading the charge for the final Europa Cup place.
At the other end of the table, it looks increasingly desperate for West Bromwich Albion.
The Baggies are now nine points adrift after their 4-2 defeat against Manchester City and their home match against struggling Sunderland is perhaps a final chance to keep their hopes alive.
On Sunday, Middlesbrough face a daunting trip to Arsenal who unbeaten in 19 matches after the draw at Anfield.
The Gunners' unbeaten run is the longest by any team in the top flight at any stage this season. Arsene Wenger must really regret the slow start his side made to the campaign.
Later that day, Blackburn Rovers will look to pick up at least a point in the Lancashire derby at home against Wigan Athletic.
The Latics are safe and have little to play for as they have demonstrated in their last two matches, conceding four goals in each.
Newcastle United must wait until Monday night as Alan Shearer seeks his first win as manager in a vital game against Portsmouth.
Bolton, like Pompey, are on 37 points and realistically need just one more win to be safe.
Gary Megson's men face Aston Villa at home and might extend the Villans run without a win to 12 matches.
In the other two matches, Stoke can move into the top half of the table but will have to beat Fulham at Craven Cottage to do so.
And Everton, unbeaten at home since early December, will look to be the next team to capitalise on Manchester City's woeful away form.
The Championship:
Wolverhampton Wanderers gained promotion to the Premier League last weekend.
Wolves will be joined by Birmingham City if the Blues beat Preston North End who have an outside chance of the playoffs.
Burnley currently occupy the last playoff position and will seal it with victory at Southampton as they are four points clear of Lancashire rivals Preston, and Swansea City.
Southampton were relegated without kicking a ball in midweek but must play to finish above the drop zone or face a ten-point penalty next season.
With Charlton Athletic already down, only one place remains to be filled for relegation.
Norwich City on 46 points start the weekend two points adrift and will not play until Monday when they face Reading.
Barnsley are just two points clear and immediately above the relegation places but might benefit from Wolves having already sealed promotion and effectively the championship.
Nottingham Forest, on 49 points, will look to extend their unbeaten run to five matches away at Bloomfield Road against Blackpool, who are safe on 52 points.
Plymouth Argyle, on 50 points, and Derby County, on 51 points, are not mathematically safe but they can change that with three points against QPR and hapless Charlton respectively.
League One:
With Leicester City already promoted as champions, only one automatic place remains.
Peterborough United currently occupy second spot and will win promotion this weekend if they beat Colchester United away and third-placed MK Dons slip up at home to mid-table Walsall.
Both Peterborough and MK Dons are guaranteed at least a playoff place, alongside Millwall and Leeds United.
Only sixth position remains unresolved. Tranmere Rovers are in sixth, one point clear of Scunthorpe United but the Irons have a game in hand.
This weekend, Rovers face Yeovil Town at home while Scunthorpe will be the visiting guests at Leicester's promotion party.
At the other end of the table, Hereford United are already relegated and Cheltenham Town will join them with anything less than a win at home to Carlisle United.
The last two relegation places will remain undecided until the final day with Carlisle, Crewe Alexandra and Northampton Town all on 46 points, Brighton on 48 points and Swindon Town on 49 points.
Hartlepool United and Yeovil Town are not mathematically safe but should be fine on 50 points.
League Two:
In the tightest of the leagues, Brentford can win promotion by beating Darlington away.
Wycombe Wanderers and Exeter City can also go up automatically if they beat Port Vale away and Morecambe at home respectively, while Bury fail to beat Gillingham away.
Bury and Gillingham look to have secured a playoff spot at least and Rochdale will also seal theirs if they beat rock-bottom Luton Town.
The final playoff spot is still up for grabs with Dagenham & Redbridge currently seventh and facing Notts County away this weekend.
Shrewsbury Town are outside the playoff on goal difference only and are at home to Lincoln City this weekend. Chesterfield, two points behind, are away to Accrington Stanley.
At the other end of the table, Luton Town's 30 point deduction proved decisive and the Hatters, who won the Football League trophy at Wembley this season, will finish bottom of the league.
Chester City must beat Aldershot away to avoid filling the second relegation place. They are four points adrift of Grimsby Town and Bournemouth who face each other this weekend.
Blue Square Premier:
In the top flight of non-league football, the championship race has went to the wire.
Burton Albion once enjoyed a handsome lead over Cambridge United in second but it has now been cut to three points.
The Brewers should still manage it but face Torquay United who will be playing to secure a playoff place.
Cambridge need a four-goal swing in their favour in goal difference as well three points against Altrincham to win the league.
And so it is likely they will join local rivals Histon in the playoffs. Stevenage Borough and Torquay are yet to secure their place. Stevenage face midtable Mansfield away.
Kidderminster, who face Kettering at home, and Oxford United, who play Northwich Victoria at home, will look to take advantage of any slip ups.
At the other end of the table, Lewes, Northwich and Woking are already down.
Woking were relegated most recently when midweek wins for Grays Athletic and York City meant they went down without playing.
York and Barrow could still go down but if Weymouth lose to York tonight, they will be relegated to the Blue Square South.
The World Snooker Championship moves into its second week with all but two of the seeds making it through the first round.
Joe Perry and Peter Ebdon were the only members of the top 16 to fall.
Perry was beaten 10-6 by impressive youngster Jamie Cope and Ebdon lost 10-5 to Nigel Bond as the 1995 runner-up turned back the clock.
But six-time champion Steve Davis looked a shadow of his former self in his 29th Crucible appearance as Aussie Neil Robertson enjoyed the easiest first round win, 10-2.
And it's fair to say the championships have not been vintage so far and there has yet to be a final frame decider.
But with the big-hitters all through, you would have to assume the best is yet to come. The top players certainly seem to be on scoring form.
They have made a fantastic 30 centuries already and surely the Crucible record of 68 will not be standing by the end of this year's competition.
The last 16 draw has set up some exciting match-ups which look like they are going to be a lot closer than those in the first round.
World champion Ronnie O'Sullivan has been drawn against another fast player around the table in Mark Allen.
The opening session finished all-square at 4-4 but O'Sullivan did not play at his best and would seem to have left enough in reverse to make it to the quarter finals.
A high-quality match between seven-time champion Stephen Hendry and the Chinese protege Ding Junhui is also level at 8-8 after two sessions.
Hendry may have won this match 13-7 at the same stage of last year's world championships but it was Ding who made the early running this time.
He took the first two frames, including an 129 break in frame two, although Hendry hit back and the match was level at 4-4 after the opening session.
In the next session, Hendry won four frames out of five, including a break of 114, to lead 8-6.
But Ding's break of 87 made is 8-7 before a dramatic final frame of the session in which both players had chances to win it on the black.
Ding emerged victorious from that particular battle and may now have a psychological edge going into this evening's final session which could prove to be the difference.
In the rest of the draw, Bond's reward for his first round win is a match against Ryan Day who beat Stephen Lee in an easy 10-4 first round victory.
The winner of Bond v Day is likely to meet O'Sullivan in the quarter finals.
Cope's second round match is against two-time winner John Higgins with the victor drawn to play a quarter final against 2006 champion Graeme Dott or the highly-rated Mark Selby.
In a repeat of the UK Championship final, the out-of-sorts 2005 world champion Shaun Murphy faces Marco Fu.
Fu comfortably beat Joe Swail 10-4 in the opening round and could be a good outside bet, although Hendry or Ding will await the winner.
In the bottom quarter of the draw, Ali Carter will play Robertson and Mark King faces Stephen Maguire who beat Jamie Burnett in the all-Scottish first round match - this time by 10-5.
My prediction for the quarter-final line up: O'Sullivan v Day, Higgins v Selby, Fu v Ding, Robertson v Maguire.
Football
Premier League:
The midweek matches made it very much advantage Manchester United.
United beat Portsmouth 2-0 to go three points clear (with a game in hand) on the same night Chelsea could only manage a 0-0 stalemate against Everton in a dress rehersal for the Cup final next month.
On the night before, Liverpool drew 4-4 again, a week after being knocked out of the Champions League with that score.
This time it was against Arsenal at Anfield, with Andrei Arshavin having hit all of the Gunners' goals.
Liverpool can return briefly back to the summit of the Premier League table and will expect to beat a dreadful Hull City team at the KC Stadium.
But United play in the Saturday tea-time match and will enjoy home advantage against Tottenham Hotspur.
Chelsea travel across the capital and face seventh-placed West Ham, still leading the charge for the final Europa Cup place.
At the other end of the table, it looks increasingly desperate for West Bromwich Albion.
The Baggies are now nine points adrift after their 4-2 defeat against Manchester City and their home match against struggling Sunderland is perhaps a final chance to keep their hopes alive.
On Sunday, Middlesbrough face a daunting trip to Arsenal who unbeaten in 19 matches after the draw at Anfield.
The Gunners' unbeaten run is the longest by any team in the top flight at any stage this season. Arsene Wenger must really regret the slow start his side made to the campaign.
Later that day, Blackburn Rovers will look to pick up at least a point in the Lancashire derby at home against Wigan Athletic.
The Latics are safe and have little to play for as they have demonstrated in their last two matches, conceding four goals in each.
Newcastle United must wait until Monday night as Alan Shearer seeks his first win as manager in a vital game against Portsmouth.
Bolton, like Pompey, are on 37 points and realistically need just one more win to be safe.
Gary Megson's men face Aston Villa at home and might extend the Villans run without a win to 12 matches.
In the other two matches, Stoke can move into the top half of the table but will have to beat Fulham at Craven Cottage to do so.
And Everton, unbeaten at home since early December, will look to be the next team to capitalise on Manchester City's woeful away form.
The Championship:
Wolverhampton Wanderers gained promotion to the Premier League last weekend.
Wolves will be joined by Birmingham City if the Blues beat Preston North End who have an outside chance of the playoffs.
Burnley currently occupy the last playoff position and will seal it with victory at Southampton as they are four points clear of Lancashire rivals Preston, and Swansea City.
Southampton were relegated without kicking a ball in midweek but must play to finish above the drop zone or face a ten-point penalty next season.
With Charlton Athletic already down, only one place remains to be filled for relegation.
Norwich City on 46 points start the weekend two points adrift and will not play until Monday when they face Reading.
Barnsley are just two points clear and immediately above the relegation places but might benefit from Wolves having already sealed promotion and effectively the championship.
Nottingham Forest, on 49 points, will look to extend their unbeaten run to five matches away at Bloomfield Road against Blackpool, who are safe on 52 points.
Plymouth Argyle, on 50 points, and Derby County, on 51 points, are not mathematically safe but they can change that with three points against QPR and hapless Charlton respectively.
League One:
With Leicester City already promoted as champions, only one automatic place remains.
Peterborough United currently occupy second spot and will win promotion this weekend if they beat Colchester United away and third-placed MK Dons slip up at home to mid-table Walsall.
Both Peterborough and MK Dons are guaranteed at least a playoff place, alongside Millwall and Leeds United.
Only sixth position remains unresolved. Tranmere Rovers are in sixth, one point clear of Scunthorpe United but the Irons have a game in hand.
This weekend, Rovers face Yeovil Town at home while Scunthorpe will be the visiting guests at Leicester's promotion party.
At the other end of the table, Hereford United are already relegated and Cheltenham Town will join them with anything less than a win at home to Carlisle United.
The last two relegation places will remain undecided until the final day with Carlisle, Crewe Alexandra and Northampton Town all on 46 points, Brighton on 48 points and Swindon Town on 49 points.
Hartlepool United and Yeovil Town are not mathematically safe but should be fine on 50 points.
League Two:
In the tightest of the leagues, Brentford can win promotion by beating Darlington away.
Wycombe Wanderers and Exeter City can also go up automatically if they beat Port Vale away and Morecambe at home respectively, while Bury fail to beat Gillingham away.
Bury and Gillingham look to have secured a playoff spot at least and Rochdale will also seal theirs if they beat rock-bottom Luton Town.
The final playoff spot is still up for grabs with Dagenham & Redbridge currently seventh and facing Notts County away this weekend.
Shrewsbury Town are outside the playoff on goal difference only and are at home to Lincoln City this weekend. Chesterfield, two points behind, are away to Accrington Stanley.
At the other end of the table, Luton Town's 30 point deduction proved decisive and the Hatters, who won the Football League trophy at Wembley this season, will finish bottom of the league.
Chester City must beat Aldershot away to avoid filling the second relegation place. They are four points adrift of Grimsby Town and Bournemouth who face each other this weekend.
Blue Square Premier:
In the top flight of non-league football, the championship race has went to the wire.
Burton Albion once enjoyed a handsome lead over Cambridge United in second but it has now been cut to three points.
The Brewers should still manage it but face Torquay United who will be playing to secure a playoff place.
Cambridge need a four-goal swing in their favour in goal difference as well three points against Altrincham to win the league.
And so it is likely they will join local rivals Histon in the playoffs. Stevenage Borough and Torquay are yet to secure their place. Stevenage face midtable Mansfield away.
Kidderminster, who face Kettering at home, and Oxford United, who play Northwich Victoria at home, will look to take advantage of any slip ups.
At the other end of the table, Lewes, Northwich and Woking are already down.
Woking were relegated most recently when midweek wins for Grays Athletic and York City meant they went down without playing.
York and Barrow could still go down but if Weymouth lose to York tonight, they will be relegated to the Blue Square South.
Thursday, 23 April 2009
The Apprentice - series 5, ep 5: Kimberly fired for pants idea
Ignite team leader Kimberly paid the ultimate price for team-mate Philip's bizarre 'Pantsman' idea in an advertising task for breakfast cereal.
The task - to create a new brand identity for a healthy breakfast cereal - should have been ideal for marketing consultant Kimberly.
But from early on, Philip forced his pants concept on the rest of the team, which had remained unchanged from the last task.
Despite Lorraine's protestations, Ignite backed what was an obvious loser and the further the idea evolved, the sillier it got.
Philip continued to spearhead the effort. He branded the cereal as 'Wake Up Call' and invented a character, Pantsman.
Pantsman would point out that only superheroes are allowed to wear their pants outside their other clothing, and that eating Wake Up Call could prevent people making that mistake.
Lorraine remained unsure but this caused Philip to throw one of his now notorious tantrums and he accused her of being overly negative.
It took Howard to calm the situation but the arguments further undermined Ignite's efforts.
The lost time forced them to rely on the designer to produce their cereal box based on Kimberly's incredibly vague suggestions over the telephone.
Unsurprisingly, the finished product was a let-down with only the front panel of the box showing any design.
Empire, led by Kate, displayed the most impressive team performance of the series so far.
Unlike Ignite's mess, Empire's idea was clear and their whole approach seemed logical.
James came up with the concept of 'Captain Squak', a parrot dressed as a pirate, who would be used to market their cereal, branded as 'Treasure Flakes'.
Even the jingle for their advert was a relevant sea-shanty - in sharp contrast to Philip's horridly out-of-tune wailing for Ignite.
Indeed the only thing Empire were particularly criticised for was the execution of their advert as they threatened to over-complicate matters.
But, while Ignite's execution was seen to be better, the advert did not appeal to their child actors and it showed up the project's flaws clearly.
Sir Alan's aide Nick Hewer said: "Ignite has come up with a very strange, very bizarre theme involving Pantsman.
"Incidentally, the children don't think it is at all funny. But those involved in the production think it's hilarious"
In the boardroom, Sir Alan and his other aide Margaret Mountford praised Empire for their team-work.
Margaret said: "I think they worked very well as a team. It really was a good performance."
Their reward was a yoga and laughter therapy session, which was almost as odd as Ignite's idea.
But, even before the result had been confirmed, sparks were flying in the Ignite team.
Lorraine accused Kimberly of giving her "continuous mixed messages" while Sir Alan forced Philip to defend his invention of Pantsman, which he said looked more in place "in the middle of a Harry Enfield show".
And it was clear that the whole project had flabbergasted Sir Alan.
He said: "This is totally garbage. Absolutely garbage.
"How you can honestly believe that you could have an advertising campaign based around pants is beyond my comprehension!"
Kimberly brought back task troublemakers Philip and Lorraine back to the boardroom, allowing Howard, Mona and Noorul (again!) to escape.
Philip showed his disgust at being brought back while quieter members remained under the radar, even to the point of suggesting Kimberly should go for that decision.
In his summary, Sir Alan showed he had little time for Philip's cocksure attitude and compared his forceful nature to a bulldozer.
He also criticised Lorraine for her argumentative attitude but it became obvious that he had reserved his firing for Kimberly.
He said: "You remind me of the final scene from the Wizard Of Oz.
"You look very impressive but, in my opinion, behind the curtain there is nothing there. You're fired."
Unsurprisingly, Kimberly - who styled herself as a "rough, tough creme puff from New York" before the series - disagreed.
She said: "I think that Sir Alan definitely fired the wrong person today and he will see, he will see.
"If Sir Alan does not want me to be his apprentice, I am upset about it but there's nothing I can do about it.
"I'll find something else to do and I'll make the best of that."
With ten candidates left, there is still plenty of work for Sir Alan to do if he wants to find his "diamond in the rough".
And though some satisfaction could finally be had after a respectable performance from one of the teams, it was equally frustrating that some of the lurkers have stayed off the radar again.
The task - to create a new brand identity for a healthy breakfast cereal - should have been ideal for marketing consultant Kimberly.
But from early on, Philip forced his pants concept on the rest of the team, which had remained unchanged from the last task.
Despite Lorraine's protestations, Ignite backed what was an obvious loser and the further the idea evolved, the sillier it got.
Philip continued to spearhead the effort. He branded the cereal as 'Wake Up Call' and invented a character, Pantsman.
Pantsman would point out that only superheroes are allowed to wear their pants outside their other clothing, and that eating Wake Up Call could prevent people making that mistake.
Lorraine remained unsure but this caused Philip to throw one of his now notorious tantrums and he accused her of being overly negative.
It took Howard to calm the situation but the arguments further undermined Ignite's efforts.
The lost time forced them to rely on the designer to produce their cereal box based on Kimberly's incredibly vague suggestions over the telephone.
Unsurprisingly, the finished product was a let-down with only the front panel of the box showing any design.
Empire, led by Kate, displayed the most impressive team performance of the series so far.
Unlike Ignite's mess, Empire's idea was clear and their whole approach seemed logical.
James came up with the concept of 'Captain Squak', a parrot dressed as a pirate, who would be used to market their cereal, branded as 'Treasure Flakes'.
Even the jingle for their advert was a relevant sea-shanty - in sharp contrast to Philip's horridly out-of-tune wailing for Ignite.
Indeed the only thing Empire were particularly criticised for was the execution of their advert as they threatened to over-complicate matters.
But, while Ignite's execution was seen to be better, the advert did not appeal to their child actors and it showed up the project's flaws clearly.
Sir Alan's aide Nick Hewer said: "Ignite has come up with a very strange, very bizarre theme involving Pantsman.
"Incidentally, the children don't think it is at all funny. But those involved in the production think it's hilarious"
In the boardroom, Sir Alan and his other aide Margaret Mountford praised Empire for their team-work.
Margaret said: "I think they worked very well as a team. It really was a good performance."
Their reward was a yoga and laughter therapy session, which was almost as odd as Ignite's idea.
But, even before the result had been confirmed, sparks were flying in the Ignite team.
Lorraine accused Kimberly of giving her "continuous mixed messages" while Sir Alan forced Philip to defend his invention of Pantsman, which he said looked more in place "in the middle of a Harry Enfield show".
And it was clear that the whole project had flabbergasted Sir Alan.
He said: "This is totally garbage. Absolutely garbage.
"How you can honestly believe that you could have an advertising campaign based around pants is beyond my comprehension!"
Kimberly brought back task troublemakers Philip and Lorraine back to the boardroom, allowing Howard, Mona and Noorul (again!) to escape.
Philip showed his disgust at being brought back while quieter members remained under the radar, even to the point of suggesting Kimberly should go for that decision.
In his summary, Sir Alan showed he had little time for Philip's cocksure attitude and compared his forceful nature to a bulldozer.
He also criticised Lorraine for her argumentative attitude but it became obvious that he had reserved his firing for Kimberly.
He said: "You remind me of the final scene from the Wizard Of Oz.
"You look very impressive but, in my opinion, behind the curtain there is nothing there. You're fired."
Unsurprisingly, Kimberly - who styled herself as a "rough, tough creme puff from New York" before the series - disagreed.
She said: "I think that Sir Alan definitely fired the wrong person today and he will see, he will see.
"If Sir Alan does not want me to be his apprentice, I am upset about it but there's nothing I can do about it.
"I'll find something else to do and I'll make the best of that."
With ten candidates left, there is still plenty of work for Sir Alan to do if he wants to find his "diamond in the rough".
And though some satisfaction could finally be had after a respectable performance from one of the teams, it was equally frustrating that some of the lurkers have stayed off the radar again.
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
The black hole Budget
*Economy will shrink by 3.5%
*Government will borrow £606bn over the next four years
*New top rate of income tax at 50% from April 2010 on earnings above £150,000
*Petrol duty will rise by 2p from September and 1p above inflation for the next four years
*Alcohol and tobacco up by 2%
CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling will borrow a "staggering" sum of money after admitting the UK economy will suffer its worst year since 1945 in today's Budget Speech.
Mr Darling announced borrowing of £606bn over the next four years and repeated that spending the way out of a recession was the best way forward.
He forecasted that the economy will shrink by 3.5% during 2009 but expects it to grow by the end of the year.
The estimated decline of 3.5% is a significant revision from the prediction of 1% announced in the pre-Budget report in November.
And the £606bn figure follows borrowing of £90bn over the last financial year, more than the forecast of £78bn.
That brought the UK's total net debt to £743.6bn, more than half of the UK's GDP.
But he said he expects the economy will grow by 1.25% in 2010, rising to 3.5% in 2011 and will be aided by £15bn of "efficiency savings".
The figures contradict estimates by the International Monetary Fund that the economy will shrink by 4.1% this year and 0.4% in 2010.
And Conservative leader David Cameron referred to "Labour's decade of debt".
He mocked the government's attempts to eradicate child poverty and he criticised the "staggering" government borrowing proposals.
Mr Cameron said: "With debt like that, our children are going to be in poverty for decades... They will never forgive the people who have done this."
Mr Cameron added that borrowing is set to be worse than the 1970s when Labour Chancellor Denis Healey had to go to the IMF.
Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg referred to the Budget as a "mish-mash of recycled announcements". He also called for an end to the "pointless" VAT cut.
In the most striking announcement of the day, Mr Darling introduced a new top rate of income tax of 50% for those earning more than £150,000 from next April.
The increase from the 45% top rate announced in the pre-Budget report in November breaks a promise in the last Labour manifesto not to raise income tax.
And more bad news followed for motorists, drinkers and smokers. Petrol duty will increase by 2p in September and then by 1p above inflation for the next four years.
Alcohol and tobacco duties will both rise by 2% with immediate effect with the cost of a pint increasing by 1p and a bottle of win by 4p and a bottle of spirits by 13p.
Tax and NI Tables
As a former minion of HMRC, I have drawn up a tax and NI table below showing the amount of income tax and National Insurance due per month based upon annual salaries between £6000 and £100000.
The new personal allowance for this tax year (6 April 2009-5 April 2010) is 6475 with tax @20pc above this. Earnings above £43875 are taxed @40pc.
National Insurance is charged @11pc on earnings above £5720pa, then @1pc on earnings above £43875.
This works out as follows:
Gross salary £ 6k. Tax paid per annum £NIL. NatIns paid per annum £30 = £2.50 tax and NI per month
Gross salary £ 8k. Tax paid per annum £305. NatIns paid per annum £250= £46 per month
Gross salary £10k. Tax paid per annum £705. NatIns paid per annum £470= £97 per month
Gross salary £12k. Tax paid per annum £1105. NatIns paid per annum £690= £150 per month
Gross salary £14k. Tax paid per annum £1505. NatIns paid per annum £910= £201 per month
Gross salary £16k. Tax paid per annum £1905. NatIns paid per annum £1130= £252 per month
Gross salary £18k. Tax paid per annum £2305. NatIns paid per annum £1350= £305 per month
Gross salary £20k. Tax paid per annum £2705. NatIns paid per annum £1570= £357 per month
Gross salary £25k. Tax paid per annum £3705. NatIns paid per annum £2120= £485 per month
Gross salary £30k. Tax paid per annum £4705. NatIns paid per annum £2670= £614 per month
Gross salary £35k. Tax paid per annum £5705. NatIns paid per annum £3220= £743 per month
Gross salary £40k. Tax paid per annum £6705. NatIns paid per annum £3770= £873 per month
Gross salary £45k. Tax paid per annum £7930. NatIns paid per annum £4208= £1011 per month
Gross salary £50k. Tax paid per annum £9930. NatIns paid per annum £4258= £1182 per month
Gross salary £100k. Tax paid per annum £29930. NatIns paid per annum £12250= £3515 per month
*Government will borrow £606bn over the next four years
*New top rate of income tax at 50% from April 2010 on earnings above £150,000
*Petrol duty will rise by 2p from September and 1p above inflation for the next four years
*Alcohol and tobacco up by 2%
CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling will borrow a "staggering" sum of money after admitting the UK economy will suffer its worst year since 1945 in today's Budget Speech.
Mr Darling announced borrowing of £606bn over the next four years and repeated that spending the way out of a recession was the best way forward.
He forecasted that the economy will shrink by 3.5% during 2009 but expects it to grow by the end of the year.
The estimated decline of 3.5% is a significant revision from the prediction of 1% announced in the pre-Budget report in November.
And the £606bn figure follows borrowing of £90bn over the last financial year, more than the forecast of £78bn.
That brought the UK's total net debt to £743.6bn, more than half of the UK's GDP.
But he said he expects the economy will grow by 1.25% in 2010, rising to 3.5% in 2011 and will be aided by £15bn of "efficiency savings".
The figures contradict estimates by the International Monetary Fund that the economy will shrink by 4.1% this year and 0.4% in 2010.
And Conservative leader David Cameron referred to "Labour's decade of debt".
He mocked the government's attempts to eradicate child poverty and he criticised the "staggering" government borrowing proposals.
Mr Cameron said: "With debt like that, our children are going to be in poverty for decades... They will never forgive the people who have done this."
Mr Cameron added that borrowing is set to be worse than the 1970s when Labour Chancellor Denis Healey had to go to the IMF.
Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg referred to the Budget as a "mish-mash of recycled announcements". He also called for an end to the "pointless" VAT cut.
In the most striking announcement of the day, Mr Darling introduced a new top rate of income tax of 50% for those earning more than £150,000 from next April.
The increase from the 45% top rate announced in the pre-Budget report in November breaks a promise in the last Labour manifesto not to raise income tax.
And more bad news followed for motorists, drinkers and smokers. Petrol duty will increase by 2p in September and then by 1p above inflation for the next four years.
Alcohol and tobacco duties will both rise by 2% with immediate effect with the cost of a pint increasing by 1p and a bottle of win by 4p and a bottle of spirits by 13p.
Tax and NI Tables
As a former minion of HMRC, I have drawn up a tax and NI table below showing the amount of income tax and National Insurance due per month based upon annual salaries between £6000 and £100000.
The new personal allowance for this tax year (6 April 2009-5 April 2010) is 6475 with tax @20pc above this. Earnings above £43875 are taxed @40pc.
National Insurance is charged @11pc on earnings above £5720pa, then @1pc on earnings above £43875.
This works out as follows:
Gross salary £ 6k. Tax paid per annum £NIL. NatIns paid per annum £30 = £2.50 tax and NI per month
Gross salary £ 8k. Tax paid per annum £305. NatIns paid per annum £250= £46 per month
Gross salary £10k. Tax paid per annum £705. NatIns paid per annum £470= £97 per month
Gross salary £12k. Tax paid per annum £1105. NatIns paid per annum £690= £150 per month
Gross salary £14k. Tax paid per annum £1505. NatIns paid per annum £910= £201 per month
Gross salary £16k. Tax paid per annum £1905. NatIns paid per annum £1130= £252 per month
Gross salary £18k. Tax paid per annum £2305. NatIns paid per annum £1350= £305 per month
Gross salary £20k. Tax paid per annum £2705. NatIns paid per annum £1570= £357 per month
Gross salary £25k. Tax paid per annum £3705. NatIns paid per annum £2120= £485 per month
Gross salary £30k. Tax paid per annum £4705. NatIns paid per annum £2670= £614 per month
Gross salary £35k. Tax paid per annum £5705. NatIns paid per annum £3220= £743 per month
Gross salary £40k. Tax paid per annum £6705. NatIns paid per annum £3770= £873 per month
Gross salary £45k. Tax paid per annum £7930. NatIns paid per annum £4208= £1011 per month
Gross salary £50k. Tax paid per annum £9930. NatIns paid per annum £4258= £1182 per month
Gross salary £100k. Tax paid per annum £29930. NatIns paid per annum £12250= £3515 per month
Monday, 20 April 2009
Russell's Brand new show
Russell Brand made a return to the airwaves for the first time since the so-called 'Sachsgate' scandal over which he resigned from his BBC radio show.
Brand appeared with Oasis frontman Noel Gallagher in a one-off two-hour special for talkSPORT last night.
The show has been generally well received with a particularly sycophantic review in the Media Guardian but I found it to be a tough listen.
Brand displayed none of the 'edgy' humour for which he is apparently famed and his screechy voice made constant mock apologies for anything which might be construed as anywhere near controversial.
Gallagher was all over the place. First he denied the impact of managers' mind games on their teams' success.
Then suggested that the only reason why Manchester United are so successful is because of the positivity in the minds of the crowd.
Maybe I took the show too seriously but then I've never found Brand's oddball humour to my taste.
And Gallagher, when he did get a word in, usually reserved it to have a dig at his home city's more successful team.
That was except for the moment when he showered mindless insults on the supporters of my team, Newcastle United, for appointing Alan Shearer as interim manager.
"I hope they go down for that," Gallagher said. "I just think it would be brilliant if they go down.
"I don't think there is any greater sight on Match of the Day than seeing fat Geordies crying. Topless Geordies crying.
"They should have it in the Olympics: make a Geordie cry."
When Brand, to his credit, took him to task for this, Gallagher quickly back-tracked.
"I'm not attacking the people," he said. "No, the people are alright."
Oh really, Noel? Because it didn't sound like it just before when you fell back on the laziest of stereotypes.
The last decent Oasis album (also the last one I bought) was Be Here Now, released in 1997.
So perhaps it's a good job that Oasis play in Sunderland this summer, rather than at St James Park.
It is expected by then that the Brand and Gallagher show will have become a regular part of talkSPORT's output.
But, in the long run, it's more likely to be little more than a stepping stone on the way to recovery for what talent Brand has while being a platform for Gallagher's ego.
You can listen to Brand and Gallagher here.
Brand appeared with Oasis frontman Noel Gallagher in a one-off two-hour special for talkSPORT last night.
The show has been generally well received with a particularly sycophantic review in the Media Guardian but I found it to be a tough listen.
Brand displayed none of the 'edgy' humour for which he is apparently famed and his screechy voice made constant mock apologies for anything which might be construed as anywhere near controversial.
Gallagher was all over the place. First he denied the impact of managers' mind games on their teams' success.
Then suggested that the only reason why Manchester United are so successful is because of the positivity in the minds of the crowd.
Maybe I took the show too seriously but then I've never found Brand's oddball humour to my taste.
And Gallagher, when he did get a word in, usually reserved it to have a dig at his home city's more successful team.
That was except for the moment when he showered mindless insults on the supporters of my team, Newcastle United, for appointing Alan Shearer as interim manager.
"I hope they go down for that," Gallagher said. "I just think it would be brilliant if they go down.
"I don't think there is any greater sight on Match of the Day than seeing fat Geordies crying. Topless Geordies crying.
"They should have it in the Olympics: make a Geordie cry."
When Brand, to his credit, took him to task for this, Gallagher quickly back-tracked.
"I'm not attacking the people," he said. "No, the people are alright."
Oh really, Noel? Because it didn't sound like it just before when you fell back on the laziest of stereotypes.
The last decent Oasis album (also the last one I bought) was Be Here Now, released in 1997.
So perhaps it's a good job that Oasis play in Sunderland this summer, rather than at St James Park.
It is expected by then that the Brand and Gallagher show will have become a regular part of talkSPORT's output.
But, in the long run, it's more likely to be little more than a stepping stone on the way to recovery for what talent Brand has while being a platform for Gallagher's ego.
You can listen to Brand and Gallagher here.
Friday, 17 April 2009
Sport Preview, 17-19 April (Part III)
Part three reviews another exciting week off the track for Formula 1 and previews the third race of the season, the China GP. It also looks at the first round of matches in this season's County Championship.
Brawn GP continue to dominate Formula 1 at the third race of the season in Shanghai in China.
In the first two practices, Jenson Button finished second and first with team-mate Rubens Barrichello finishing third in both sessions.
The continued success on the track follows excellent news off the track this week for Brawn when their rear diffuser was declared legal by the governing body FIA.
This ruling came despite Ferrari lawyer Nigel Tozzi QC weighing in with an ill-though description of team manager Ross Brawn as “a person of supreme arrogance”.
Perhaps it’s not surprising to see Ferrari act in this way – it’s not often they are without a point after the first two rounds – but it does not leave it any less distasteful.
The other big news in midweek was the confirmation of the expected departure of Ron Dennis from McLaren.
Dennis denied the timing of his departure was linked to McLaren’s FIA hearing on April 29 where the team will answer charges of
He had attended the Australian GP (although he was not in team colours) but watched the Malaysian GP on television having handed over complete control of McLaren Racing to Martin Whitmarsh at the start of the season.
Dennis said he found it “surprisingly easy” to keep his emotions in check as a remote viewer.
And McLaren have been much easier on the eye this weekend. Lewis Hamilton was fastest in the first practice session and team mate Heikki Kovalainen was fourth.
In second practice, though, the two McLarens dropped to ninth (Kovalainen) and 13th.
And so the early signs are that Brawn GP’s main competition may come from the Toyotas of Jarno Trulli and Timo Glock, Red Bull’s Mark Webber (5th then 4th) and Williams’ Nico Rosberg (2nd in session two).
The Ferraris of Kimi Raikkonen (11th then 14th) and Felipe Massa (15th then 12th) have been nowhere so far this weekend.
Likewise Fernando Alonso (9th and 19th) has shown very little.
In the drivers’ championship, Button on 15pts leads team mate Barrichello on 10pts with Trulli on 8.5pts and Glock on 8pts in third and fourth.
In cricket, the County Championship began this week although defending champions Durham are not in action this weekend after beating Durham UCCE in an MCC match earlier today.
The first win of the season came at the Rose Bull where Hants (216 & 107-3, 18 points) beat Worcestershire (132 & 189, 3 points) by seven wickets within three days.
In the only other first division match, Ian Bell scored 172 as Warwickshire racked up 500 in their first innings. Somerset have so far reached 435-4 with James Hildreth not out on 188 in a likely draw.
In division two, Derbyshire (326 & 4-1 currently) enjoy a first innings lead over Essex (194) in a match which saw only 23 overs bowled on day two.
And Gloucestershire, who scored 333 in their first innings, have also been frustrated by the unsettled spring weather which washed out all of day three. They had Surrey on a perilous 18-3 at the end of day two.
Finally, after no play on day two, Leicestershire are still struggling at 102-7 in reply to Northants’ 387, short by 135 of avoiding the follow-on.
Brawn GP continue to dominate Formula 1 at the third race of the season in Shanghai in China.
In the first two practices, Jenson Button finished second and first with team-mate Rubens Barrichello finishing third in both sessions.
The continued success on the track follows excellent news off the track this week for Brawn when their rear diffuser was declared legal by the governing body FIA.
This ruling came despite Ferrari lawyer Nigel Tozzi QC weighing in with an ill-though description of team manager Ross Brawn as “a person of supreme arrogance”.
Perhaps it’s not surprising to see Ferrari act in this way – it’s not often they are without a point after the first two rounds – but it does not leave it any less distasteful.
The other big news in midweek was the confirmation of the expected departure of Ron Dennis from McLaren.
Dennis denied the timing of his departure was linked to McLaren’s FIA hearing on April 29 where the team will answer charges of
He had attended the Australian GP (although he was not in team colours) but watched the Malaysian GP on television having handed over complete control of McLaren Racing to Martin Whitmarsh at the start of the season.
Dennis said he found it “surprisingly easy” to keep his emotions in check as a remote viewer.
And McLaren have been much easier on the eye this weekend. Lewis Hamilton was fastest in the first practice session and team mate Heikki Kovalainen was fourth.
In second practice, though, the two McLarens dropped to ninth (Kovalainen) and 13th.
And so the early signs are that Brawn GP’s main competition may come from the Toyotas of Jarno Trulli and Timo Glock, Red Bull’s Mark Webber (5th then 4th) and Williams’ Nico Rosberg (2nd in session two).
The Ferraris of Kimi Raikkonen (11th then 14th) and Felipe Massa (15th then 12th) have been nowhere so far this weekend.
Likewise Fernando Alonso (9th and 19th) has shown very little.
In the drivers’ championship, Button on 15pts leads team mate Barrichello on 10pts with Trulli on 8.5pts and Glock on 8pts in third and fourth.
In cricket, the County Championship began this week although defending champions Durham are not in action this weekend after beating Durham UCCE in an MCC match earlier today.
The first win of the season came at the Rose Bull where Hants (216 & 107-3, 18 points) beat Worcestershire (132 & 189, 3 points) by seven wickets within three days.
In the only other first division match, Ian Bell scored 172 as Warwickshire racked up 500 in their first innings. Somerset have so far reached 435-4 with James Hildreth not out on 188 in a likely draw.
In division two, Derbyshire (326 & 4-1 currently) enjoy a first innings lead over Essex (194) in a match which saw only 23 overs bowled on day two.
And Gloucestershire, who scored 333 in their first innings, have also been frustrated by the unsettled spring weather which washed out all of day three. They had Surrey on a perilous 18-3 at the end of day two.
Finally, after no play on day two, Leicestershire are still struggling at 102-7 in reply to Northants’ 387, short by 135 of avoiding the follow-on.
Sport Preview, 17-19 April (Part II)
Part two of the sport preview looks at the some "drunk men playing billiards" or at least it does in Jeremy Clarkson's world. It's the World Snooker Championships, of course.
The snooker season reaches its climax with the start of the World Championships at the Crucible Theatre in Sheffield this weekend.
Three-time winner Ronnie O’Sullivan begins his title defence with a straight-forward-looking first round tie against world number 21 Stuart Bingham.
The title is considered by the bookmakers to be O’Sullivan’s to lose and William Hill has him as short as 9/4.
But this ignores the fact that no player has retained the championship since Stephen Hendry back in 1996.
In the twelve championships since then, there have been eight different winners, including relative outsiders Shaun Murphy in 2005 and Graeme Dott in 2006, making this one of the most open contests anywhere in sport.
In the most notable first round matches, Stephen Hendry faces Mark J Williams with nine world titles between them.
Hendry won the seventh, and to date, last World Championships in 1999 but has failed to win any major titles since.
Williams won his two World Championships in 2000 and 2003 but he has also suffered a drop in form and is currently ranked no 22 in the world.
Second favourite Stephen Maguire (15/2) faces a first round match against fellow Scotsman Jamie Burnett.
Both players will enter the Crucible arena under even more pressure than usual.
This is the first time they have met since Maguire beat Burnett 9-3 in the UK Championships last year.
The match is subsequently under investigation by World Snooker and even Strathclyde polie have opened an inquiry after a surge of bets on that exact result.
‘Interesting’ Steve Davis, winner of the title six times between 1981 and 1989, makes a highly commendable record 29th appearance at the Crucible.
The 51-year-old retains a top 32 ranking but is very much second favourite against Australian Neil Robertson, seeded tenth, in their first round match.
The full draw can be found here and the order of play here.
One person sure to make history is pretty Dunfermline lassie Michaela Tabb who will become the first female referee of the Final on May3-4 (best of 35 frames).
The earlier rounds take place as follows: First round (best of 19) – April 18-23, Second round (best of 25) – April 23-27, Quarter finals (best of 25) – April 28-29, and Semi finals (best of 33) – April 30-May 2.
Coverage is on BBC interactive every day from 10am.
The snooker season reaches its climax with the start of the World Championships at the Crucible Theatre in Sheffield this weekend.
Three-time winner Ronnie O’Sullivan begins his title defence with a straight-forward-looking first round tie against world number 21 Stuart Bingham.
The title is considered by the bookmakers to be O’Sullivan’s to lose and William Hill has him as short as 9/4.
But this ignores the fact that no player has retained the championship since Stephen Hendry back in 1996.
In the twelve championships since then, there have been eight different winners, including relative outsiders Shaun Murphy in 2005 and Graeme Dott in 2006, making this one of the most open contests anywhere in sport.
In the most notable first round matches, Stephen Hendry faces Mark J Williams with nine world titles between them.
Hendry won the seventh, and to date, last World Championships in 1999 but has failed to win any major titles since.
Williams won his two World Championships in 2000 and 2003 but he has also suffered a drop in form and is currently ranked no 22 in the world.
Second favourite Stephen Maguire (15/2) faces a first round match against fellow Scotsman Jamie Burnett.
Both players will enter the Crucible arena under even more pressure than usual.
This is the first time they have met since Maguire beat Burnett 9-3 in the UK Championships last year.
The match is subsequently under investigation by World Snooker and even Strathclyde polie have opened an inquiry after a surge of bets on that exact result.
‘Interesting’ Steve Davis, winner of the title six times between 1981 and 1989, makes a highly commendable record 29th appearance at the Crucible.
The 51-year-old retains a top 32 ranking but is very much second favourite against Australian Neil Robertson, seeded tenth, in their first round match.
The full draw can be found here and the order of play here.
One person sure to make history is pretty Dunfermline lassie Michaela Tabb who will become the first female referee of the Final on May3-4 (best of 35 frames).
The earlier rounds take place as follows: First round (best of 19) – April 18-23, Second round (best of 25) – April 23-27, Quarter finals (best of 25) – April 28-29, and Semi finals (best of 33) – April 30-May 2.
Coverage is on BBC interactive every day from 10am.
Sport Preview, 17-19 April (Part I)
This weekend's sports preview is so busy that it's in three parts. The first part deals with all things football including the FA Cup semi finals.
After last season’s competition, where three of the four FA Cup semi finalists represented the Championship, this time the Cup has gone to form.
Three of the Big Four will contest the semi-finals this weekend with David Moyes’ sixth-placed Everton as the only ‘outsider’.
The Toffees will be hoping to repeat their infamous upset of 1995 when they meet Manchester United at Wembley on Sunday at 4pm.
Paul Rideout scored the only goal of the game as Everton won 1-0 and left United empty-handed for that season while Joe Royle remains the last English manager to win the Cup.
Everton would have fancied their chances even more a couple of weeks ago as United suffered successive league defeats to Liverpool and Fulham.
But Sir Alex Ferguson’s men have since enjoyed wins against Aston Villa and Sunderland. They also made progress to the Champions League semis with an impressive away win at FC Porto in midweek.
The other semi-final is an all-London affair between Chelsea and Arsenal on Saturday at 5.15pm. Both teams, like United, celebrated their qualification for the Champions League semis in midweek.
Arsenal stormed to a 4-1 aggregate success against Villarreal after a welcome return to top form by Theo Walcott.
Chelsea’s European semi-final was far less straight-forward as they knocked out Liverpool 7-5 on aggregate after an amazing 4-4 match.
Arsenal won the Cup three times between 2002 and 2005 but are looking to make their first final in four years. Chelsea won the first new Wembley final against United in 2007.
In the Premier League, the struggle at the bottom continues with north east trio Sunderland, Newcastle United and Middlesbrough looking most at risk.
Middlesbrough (19th, 30 points) beat Hull City 3-1 last weekend at home and can follow up that vital win with another in their home match against Fulham.
The Cottagers, safely in mid-table, have won their last two away matches, having not won any prior to that.
Unlike Boro, Portsmouth (14th, 34 points) did not make the most of their home advantage against West Bromwich Albion last week in a 2-2 draw.
But they get an immediate chance for redemption at Fratton Park against Bolton Wanderers who are 12th on 37 points despite failing to win away since November.
Stoke City (13th, 36 points) also drew at home against fellow-strugglers Newcastle. The Potters face another home relegation clash against Blackburn Rovers (16th, 34 points) this weekend.
And Sunderland (17th, 32 points) will look to ease their relegation worries by ensuring Hull City (15th, 34 points) suffer a second successive loss in the north east.
At the other end of the table, Aston Villa will extend their lead over Everton in fifth to four points by beating seventh-placed West Ham United.
On Sunday, Spurs will take advantage of any Hammers slip-up by moving into seventh if they beat Newcastle (18th, 30 points) for the first time at home in three seasons.
Newcastle have won their last two matches at White Hart Lane 3-2 and 4-1 respectively and must have gained some confidence from Andy Carroll’s late headed equaliser against Stoke.
Mid-table Manchester City’s season effectively ended on Thursday after their loss in the Uefa Cup against Hamburg.
They will entertain West Brom (20th, 25 points) who barely breathed life into their own season in the 2-2 draw at Portsmouth last weekend.
In the Championship, Wolverhampton Wanderers fans will expect to gain at least the point they need for promotion against Queens Park Rangers at home.
At the other end, Charlton Athletic are hanging on by a mathematically miracle and might still go down even if they beat Blackpool at home.
In League One, Leicester City only need one point in their away match at Southend United to gain promotion back to the second tier.
But the struggle to beat the drop for Hereford United and Cheltenham Town might end in failure.
Finally, in the Blue Square Premier, Burton Albion can win the championship and promotion to the league with just a point against Oxford United at home tonight.
All the other football league and Blue Square Premier issues will remain undecided this weekend.
After last season’s competition, where three of the four FA Cup semi finalists represented the Championship, this time the Cup has gone to form.
Three of the Big Four will contest the semi-finals this weekend with David Moyes’ sixth-placed Everton as the only ‘outsider’.
The Toffees will be hoping to repeat their infamous upset of 1995 when they meet Manchester United at Wembley on Sunday at 4pm.
Paul Rideout scored the only goal of the game as Everton won 1-0 and left United empty-handed for that season while Joe Royle remains the last English manager to win the Cup.
Everton would have fancied their chances even more a couple of weeks ago as United suffered successive league defeats to Liverpool and Fulham.
But Sir Alex Ferguson’s men have since enjoyed wins against Aston Villa and Sunderland. They also made progress to the Champions League semis with an impressive away win at FC Porto in midweek.
The other semi-final is an all-London affair between Chelsea and Arsenal on Saturday at 5.15pm. Both teams, like United, celebrated their qualification for the Champions League semis in midweek.
Arsenal stormed to a 4-1 aggregate success against Villarreal after a welcome return to top form by Theo Walcott.
Chelsea’s European semi-final was far less straight-forward as they knocked out Liverpool 7-5 on aggregate after an amazing 4-4 match.
Arsenal won the Cup three times between 2002 and 2005 but are looking to make their first final in four years. Chelsea won the first new Wembley final against United in 2007.
In the Premier League, the struggle at the bottom continues with north east trio Sunderland, Newcastle United and Middlesbrough looking most at risk.
Middlesbrough (19th, 30 points) beat Hull City 3-1 last weekend at home and can follow up that vital win with another in their home match against Fulham.
The Cottagers, safely in mid-table, have won their last two away matches, having not won any prior to that.
Unlike Boro, Portsmouth (14th, 34 points) did not make the most of their home advantage against West Bromwich Albion last week in a 2-2 draw.
But they get an immediate chance for redemption at Fratton Park against Bolton Wanderers who are 12th on 37 points despite failing to win away since November.
Stoke City (13th, 36 points) also drew at home against fellow-strugglers Newcastle. The Potters face another home relegation clash against Blackburn Rovers (16th, 34 points) this weekend.
And Sunderland (17th, 32 points) will look to ease their relegation worries by ensuring Hull City (15th, 34 points) suffer a second successive loss in the north east.
At the other end of the table, Aston Villa will extend their lead over Everton in fifth to four points by beating seventh-placed West Ham United.
On Sunday, Spurs will take advantage of any Hammers slip-up by moving into seventh if they beat Newcastle (18th, 30 points) for the first time at home in three seasons.
Newcastle have won their last two matches at White Hart Lane 3-2 and 4-1 respectively and must have gained some confidence from Andy Carroll’s late headed equaliser against Stoke.
Mid-table Manchester City’s season effectively ended on Thursday after their loss in the Uefa Cup against Hamburg.
They will entertain West Brom (20th, 25 points) who barely breathed life into their own season in the 2-2 draw at Portsmouth last weekend.
In the Championship, Wolverhampton Wanderers fans will expect to gain at least the point they need for promotion against Queens Park Rangers at home.
At the other end, Charlton Athletic are hanging on by a mathematically miracle and might still go down even if they beat Blackpool at home.
In League One, Leicester City only need one point in their away match at Southend United to gain promotion back to the second tier.
But the struggle to beat the drop for Hereford United and Cheltenham Town might end in failure.
Finally, in the Blue Square Premier, Burton Albion can win the championship and promotion to the league with just a point against Oxford United at home tonight.
All the other football league and Blue Square Premier issues will remain undecided this weekend.
Thursday, 16 April 2009
Newspapers in catch 22 over online content
A dire warning for newspapers turning to an online-only output to ease their financial worries has been made by an academic study.
But it’s another of the report’s findings which should make newspaper bosses even more wary.
The Media Guardian website today reported the findings of a study by researchers at City University in London, showing revenues actually fell faster than costs after the changes were implemented.
The study was based upon Finnish newspaper Taloussanomat, which went online-only in December 2007 after suffering severe losses on its print version.
Since the change, the newspaper’s costs have fallen by 50%, but revenue dropped by 75% and the move has pushed Taloussanomat even closer to the edge.
Neil Thurman, a senior lecturer in electronic publishing at City, was one of the authors of the study.
He said: “Only if your income is 31% or more lower than your costs, based on this case at least, would you be better off going online-only."
Various reasons are given as to why the move has not had any benefits.
The report suggests that a lack of a print version meant the website was not promoted elsewhere.
And the main reason given by the researchers was that the internet is an altogether different beast to a newspaper as it is normally skimmed over in a couple of minutes.
But, while these are both acceptable arguments – and it is true that the internet has proven to be notoriously difficult for newspapers to monetise – the authors seem to have skimmed over the major point themselves.
The report states clearly that the newspaper cut their newsroom staff and the quality of the content suffered.
Surely this was a bigger factor in explaining the falling readership and revenues.
After all, if in any other walk of life, the quality of a product reduced, most people would have second thoughts over whether to read/use/watch/eat/drink it again.
And while just Maxim and The Ecologist magazines in Britain have gone down the online-only route (so far), redundancies are being announced on an almost daily basis.
It is all well and good that newspaper bosses want to preserve the future of their publication.
And this post is not in denial about the great benefits which newspapers across the country have enjoyed through their websites.
But remind me again of that phrase about paying peanuts...
The Apprentice - series 5, ep 4: Loss-making Paula in a lather over costs
Paula was fired for a massive mistake over her costs as Empire made a second loss in the series.
But Ignite's win was thoroughly unconvincing as all of the candidates still struggle to shine.
For the first time, Sir Alan named the team leaders himself. Noorul was appointed to Ignite and Paula to Empire.
He shuffled the teams again so that Paula, Yasmina and Debra worked with Ben, James and Kate in Empire.
Howard and Kimberly moved across to work with Noorul, Lorraine, Mona and Philip as Ignite.
Requested to meet Sir Alan at Kew Gardens, both teams were asked to create and produce an original natural body-care product.
They would then need to sell it on the streets of London.
Not for first time in the series, both teams had pretty much the same idea and produced soap bars with Ignite also selling bubblebath.
Noorul was quiet as team leader in the ideas stage of choosing their natural product.
After much deliberation, they eventually chose honey for their soap, which they branded as “Honey I’m Home”.
Ignite were also confused by how much honey which they would actually need and later by the lack of a batch number.
And Philip got particularly upset by the batch number issue, proceeding to act like a spoilt teenager (or “a dickhead”, according to Lorraine) for much of the rest of the show.
Sir Alan’s aide Margaret Mountford said: “I think Noorul has been a very poor manager of this team. They have been in a muddle right from the very outset.
“If it was left to Noorul, they would not have done anything.”
But none of these mistakes was as bad as the one made by the Empire team.
HR manager Paula had delegated responsibility for costing to Ben and Yasmina but she stayed with them in the factory as the others set out for their natural element, seaweed, for their product “Rockpoole”.
Indeed, while Ben took a backseat by working on the production side, Paula was very much involved in the costing side with Yasmina.
But between the two of them, they confused cedarwood oil for the much more expensive sandalwood oil.
And they compounded their error by misreading the formula by buying in 450g of it, as Sir Alan’s aide Nick Hewer helpfully pointed out a little later.
Over at Ignite, though, there were still problems.
They struggled throughout selling their less quality product for £5 a set at Camden Lock and on Carnaby Street. Noorul, in particular, failed to sell at all.
Then, after deciding to leave Carnaby Street, he got lost in trying to find Bond Street underground station which had only just been vacated by Empire because of numerous turn-downs by busy commuters.
Empire had also chosen an inauspicious selling point – next to a hotdog van at Portobello Market.
But the Notting Hill locals were not put off by their higher prices. Then, late in the day, they made a deal with a vendor and sold their remaining stock for £400.
It was a case of being too little too late, though, after their costing disaster – and the show produced yet another clear result.
Empire made £1073.20 but spent £1141.24 for a loss of £68.04 while Ignite made £900.85 and spent £406.88 to make a profit of £493.97.
Ignite were rewarded by attending a sushi and Saki evening at a top restaurant but Sir Alan criticised the low quality of their product and Howard later admitted that it had been a “frustrating win”.
Empire, meanwhile, were blasted for failing to heed Sir Alan’s warnings over cost.
He said: “I have been banging on for the last four weeks about costs. What the hell’s gone wrong?!”
Team leader Paula brought her costing partners in crime Ben and Yasmina back into the boardroom.
It was Ben’s second successive boardroom appearance and his third loss in the opening four weeks.
Sir Alan accused him of avoiding the work of being involved in the costing despite him being allocated that part of the task.
But he also blasted Paula’s excuse as an HR manager for delegating the task as “feeble”.
Yasmina, who was implicated alongside Paula for the oil mix-up, escaped most of the crossfire by loading the responsibility on the team leader.
And Ben, who promised to “rip [Paula] to shreds” in the boardroom, fought his corner in typically pugnacious style.
He said to Paula: “You did not just get it a little bit wrong. You got it very, very wrong.”
After deciding he wants to see Yasmina as a project manager again, Sir Alan agreed with Ben.
Sir Alan said: “I have decided that on balance, Paula, you were responsible for the fatal mistake. So, Paula, you’re fired.”
In the black cab, Paula said: “I just feel disappointed that I have gone so early in the competition.
“It was because of a mistake and everyone makes mistakes so there is absolutely no shame in that.”
Ben, even after his reprieve, still tried to talk himself into trouble, but – fortunately for him – Sir Alan resisted to fire for the second time.
But Ignite's win was thoroughly unconvincing as all of the candidates still struggle to shine.
For the first time, Sir Alan named the team leaders himself. Noorul was appointed to Ignite and Paula to Empire.
He shuffled the teams again so that Paula, Yasmina and Debra worked with Ben, James and Kate in Empire.
Howard and Kimberly moved across to work with Noorul, Lorraine, Mona and Philip as Ignite.
Requested to meet Sir Alan at Kew Gardens, both teams were asked to create and produce an original natural body-care product.
They would then need to sell it on the streets of London.
Not for first time in the series, both teams had pretty much the same idea and produced soap bars with Ignite also selling bubblebath.
Noorul was quiet as team leader in the ideas stage of choosing their natural product.
After much deliberation, they eventually chose honey for their soap, which they branded as “Honey I’m Home”.
Ignite were also confused by how much honey which they would actually need and later by the lack of a batch number.
And Philip got particularly upset by the batch number issue, proceeding to act like a spoilt teenager (or “a dickhead”, according to Lorraine) for much of the rest of the show.
Sir Alan’s aide Margaret Mountford said: “I think Noorul has been a very poor manager of this team. They have been in a muddle right from the very outset.
“If it was left to Noorul, they would not have done anything.”
But none of these mistakes was as bad as the one made by the Empire team.
HR manager Paula had delegated responsibility for costing to Ben and Yasmina but she stayed with them in the factory as the others set out for their natural element, seaweed, for their product “Rockpoole”.
Indeed, while Ben took a backseat by working on the production side, Paula was very much involved in the costing side with Yasmina.
But between the two of them, they confused cedarwood oil for the much more expensive sandalwood oil.
And they compounded their error by misreading the formula by buying in 450g of it, as Sir Alan’s aide Nick Hewer helpfully pointed out a little later.
Over at Ignite, though, there were still problems.
They struggled throughout selling their less quality product for £5 a set at Camden Lock and on Carnaby Street. Noorul, in particular, failed to sell at all.
Then, after deciding to leave Carnaby Street, he got lost in trying to find Bond Street underground station which had only just been vacated by Empire because of numerous turn-downs by busy commuters.
Empire had also chosen an inauspicious selling point – next to a hotdog van at Portobello Market.
But the Notting Hill locals were not put off by their higher prices. Then, late in the day, they made a deal with a vendor and sold their remaining stock for £400.
It was a case of being too little too late, though, after their costing disaster – and the show produced yet another clear result.
Empire made £1073.20 but spent £1141.24 for a loss of £68.04 while Ignite made £900.85 and spent £406.88 to make a profit of £493.97.
Ignite were rewarded by attending a sushi and Saki evening at a top restaurant but Sir Alan criticised the low quality of their product and Howard later admitted that it had been a “frustrating win”.
Empire, meanwhile, were blasted for failing to heed Sir Alan’s warnings over cost.
He said: “I have been banging on for the last four weeks about costs. What the hell’s gone wrong?!”
Team leader Paula brought her costing partners in crime Ben and Yasmina back into the boardroom.
It was Ben’s second successive boardroom appearance and his third loss in the opening four weeks.
Sir Alan accused him of avoiding the work of being involved in the costing despite him being allocated that part of the task.
But he also blasted Paula’s excuse as an HR manager for delegating the task as “feeble”.
Yasmina, who was implicated alongside Paula for the oil mix-up, escaped most of the crossfire by loading the responsibility on the team leader.
And Ben, who promised to “rip [Paula] to shreds” in the boardroom, fought his corner in typically pugnacious style.
He said to Paula: “You did not just get it a little bit wrong. You got it very, very wrong.”
After deciding he wants to see Yasmina as a project manager again, Sir Alan agreed with Ben.
Sir Alan said: “I have decided that on balance, Paula, you were responsible for the fatal mistake. So, Paula, you’re fired.”
In the black cab, Paula said: “I just feel disappointed that I have gone so early in the competition.
“It was because of a mistake and everyone makes mistakes so there is absolutely no shame in that.”
Ben, even after his reprieve, still tried to talk himself into trouble, but – fortunately for him – Sir Alan resisted to fire for the second time.
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
The Sun, Hillsborough, and the fight for justice for the 96 RIP.
Tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of the Hillsborough Stadium disaster.
It was on a sunny afternoon on April 15, 1989, when 96 innocent Liverpool fans died after being crushed at the FA Cup semi final against Nottingham Forest. A further 766 were injured.
I was only five years old when it happened and had no concept of what has occurred on that fateful day.
But having read about the events since, I feel sadness as a football supporter and I am ashamed of a corner of the newspaper industry.
Undoubtedly, one of the worst aspects of the Hillsborough disaster was the treatment of the day’s events by the then-editor of Britain’s biggest-selling daily newspaper.
Just a few days had passed when The Sun editor Kelvin MacKenzie approved the printing of a disgraceful and entirely inaccurate article.
Under a large headline, ‘THE TRUTH’, the newspaper blamed Liverpool fans for the disaster and made three claims in the sub-headings, namely that
Some fans picked the pockets of victims;
Some fans urinated on the brave cops;
Some fans beat up PC giving the kiss of life.
The real TRUTH, later confirmed by the report by Lord Justice Taylor, was that South Yorkshire Police were at fault for failing to keep control.
Noticing that a crush was developing outside the ground, due to the lack of turnstiles at the Leppings Lane end, the police opened a gate usually only used as an exit.
The supporters from outside the ground rushed through the gate and headed to a tunnel which would lead them to the central pens of the ground.
The central pens were already filled to capacity but the side pens remained underused.
When this was the case, the police normally blocked the end of the tunnel leading to the central pens and diverted the fans to the sides of the terrace.
But this did not happen and it has never been explained why.
As more supporters rushed through the tunnel to the central pens, those supporters who were already in the ground were crushed against the fencing at the front of the stand.
When the fencing collapsed, people streamed out on to the pitch, many of them gasping for air.
The match was abandoned as uninjured fans tore up advertising hoardings to use as makeshift stretcher boards.
But their actions were restricted by the police who created a cordon across the pitch to prevent the rival fans from getting to each other.
And the police also turned back all but one of the 44 waiting ambulances.
The Sun ran their story based upon a comment made by an MP which was backed up by the chief superintendent David Duckenfield’s version of events.
Even before it went to press, though, there were some concerns.
Peter Chippendale and Chris Horrie have described how “a collective shudder” ran through the newsroom that day in their history of the newspaper.
But MacKenzie dominated the operation and pressed ahead with it.
After Duckenfield’s description was later proven to be fabricated, MacKenzie then explained his editorial position to a House of Commons Select Committee in 1993.
But in November 2006, MacKenzie said he was “not sorry then and... not sorry now” and that he had only apologised because the newspaper’s owner Rupert Murdoch ordered him.
He refused to apologise again when appearing on Question Time in January 2007 and, although he is no longer editor of The Sun, he still appears on its pages regularly as a columnist.
I used to read The Sun quite a lot, especially when I was younger, not being aware of its Hillsborough coverage.
Its brash and quick-witted style appealed to me as an aspiring hack. I read it much less now, but – to my shame – it remains an occasional guilty pleasure if they’ve pulled off a big exclusive.
Of course, I think that the boycott on Merseyside is entirely understandable, considering how wrong it was about Hillsborough.
But the boycott remains localised and does not pose a significant threat to the newspaper’s existence.
It is perhaps for this reason that The Sun has done so little to support the fight for justice for the families on the 96 victims.
It really ought to be ashamed.
It was on a sunny afternoon on April 15, 1989, when 96 innocent Liverpool fans died after being crushed at the FA Cup semi final against Nottingham Forest. A further 766 were injured.
I was only five years old when it happened and had no concept of what has occurred on that fateful day.
But having read about the events since, I feel sadness as a football supporter and I am ashamed of a corner of the newspaper industry.
Undoubtedly, one of the worst aspects of the Hillsborough disaster was the treatment of the day’s events by the then-editor of Britain’s biggest-selling daily newspaper.
Just a few days had passed when The Sun editor Kelvin MacKenzie approved the printing of a disgraceful and entirely inaccurate article.
Under a large headline, ‘THE TRUTH’, the newspaper blamed Liverpool fans for the disaster and made three claims in the sub-headings, namely that
Some fans picked the pockets of victims;
Some fans urinated on the brave cops;
Some fans beat up PC giving the kiss of life.
The real TRUTH, later confirmed by the report by Lord Justice Taylor, was that South Yorkshire Police were at fault for failing to keep control.
Noticing that a crush was developing outside the ground, due to the lack of turnstiles at the Leppings Lane end, the police opened a gate usually only used as an exit.
The supporters from outside the ground rushed through the gate and headed to a tunnel which would lead them to the central pens of the ground.
The central pens were already filled to capacity but the side pens remained underused.
When this was the case, the police normally blocked the end of the tunnel leading to the central pens and diverted the fans to the sides of the terrace.
But this did not happen and it has never been explained why.
As more supporters rushed through the tunnel to the central pens, those supporters who were already in the ground were crushed against the fencing at the front of the stand.
When the fencing collapsed, people streamed out on to the pitch, many of them gasping for air.
The match was abandoned as uninjured fans tore up advertising hoardings to use as makeshift stretcher boards.
But their actions were restricted by the police who created a cordon across the pitch to prevent the rival fans from getting to each other.
And the police also turned back all but one of the 44 waiting ambulances.
The Sun ran their story based upon a comment made by an MP which was backed up by the chief superintendent David Duckenfield’s version of events.
Even before it went to press, though, there were some concerns.
Peter Chippendale and Chris Horrie have described how “a collective shudder” ran through the newsroom that day in their history of the newspaper.
But MacKenzie dominated the operation and pressed ahead with it.
After Duckenfield’s description was later proven to be fabricated, MacKenzie then explained his editorial position to a House of Commons Select Committee in 1993.
But in November 2006, MacKenzie said he was “not sorry then and... not sorry now” and that he had only apologised because the newspaper’s owner Rupert Murdoch ordered him.
He refused to apologise again when appearing on Question Time in January 2007 and, although he is no longer editor of The Sun, he still appears on its pages regularly as a columnist.
I used to read The Sun quite a lot, especially when I was younger, not being aware of its Hillsborough coverage.
Its brash and quick-witted style appealed to me as an aspiring hack. I read it much less now, but – to my shame – it remains an occasional guilty pleasure if they’ve pulled off a big exclusive.
Of course, I think that the boycott on Merseyside is entirely understandable, considering how wrong it was about Hillsborough.
But the boycott remains localised and does not pose a significant threat to the newspaper’s existence.
It is perhaps for this reason that The Sun has done so little to support the fight for justice for the families on the 96 victims.
It really ought to be ashamed.
Saturday, 11 April 2009
Sport Preview, 11-12 April
This week’s sports preview sees the battle to beat the drop from the Premier League take centre stage once again.
Football
Starting at the Riverside Stadium, freefalling Hull City (15th, 34 points) will go a long way to retaining their Premier League status by beating Middlesbrough (19th, 27 points).
The Tigers have managed only two league wins since October. But they face a Boro team which is already five points from safety having slumped to an alarming 4-1 defeat against Bolton Wanderers last week.
Stoke City (13th, 35 points) can make themselves just about safe by continuing their excellent home form against struggling Newcastle United (18th, 29 points) in Alan Shearer’s first away match as manager.
And Portsmouth (16th, 33 points) will expect to beat lowly West Bromwich Albion (20th, 24 points) at home to move within the finishing line, the Baggies having been cut adrift at the bottom and now eight points from safety.
Sunderland (17th, 32 points) face an altogether tougher home assignment against leaders Manchester United. But they will be heartened by United’s recent record of ten goals conceded in their last four matches.
United’s nearest challengers, Liverpool (one point behind, having played a game more) entertain
Blackburn Rovers (14th, 34 points) on the back of their 3-1 home defeat against Chelsea in the Champions League quarter finals.
Chelsea (a further three points back, having also played a game more than United) play Bolton Wanderers, the Trotters having jumped up to 37 points with that 4-1 success over Middlesbrough.
Leading the chase for the final Europa Cup place, West Ham United in seventh travel to Tottenham Hotspur, unbeaten at home in all competitions since November, in a London derby.
And eight-placed Wigan Athletic, who are three points behind the Hammers, play at home against fourth-placed Arsenal, who are unbeaten in the league since November.
On Sunday, Manchester City will want to bounce back quickly from their disappointing midweek defeat to Hamburg in the Uefa Cup by beating Fulham, with only one away win all season, at home.
And Aston Villa, not so long ago leading Arsenal in the fight for fourth place, now have to protect fifth from Everton who are just one point behind before their visit to Villa Park.
Golf
This weekend will also see the conclusion of the first Major of the year at the Augusta National in the US Masters.
After the first two rounds, leaders Chad Campbell and Kenny Perry are on -9 with Argentina’s Angel Cabrera on -8 as their only immediate challenger.
Campbell has led the competition from its early stages but was joined at the top by his American compatriot Perry after he had shot a five-under-par 67 yesterday.
Another American, Todd Hamilton, is in fourth on -6 with South African Tim Clarke just behind on -5, hoping to emulate his countryman Trevor Immelman’s success last year.
In a remarkable turn of events on day two, American Antony Kim recovered from a 75 on the opening day to hit a course-record 11 birdies in a round of 65 to jump to -4.
The European challenge is being led by a Spaniard and a Swede with Sergio Garcia also on -4 and Henrik Stenson on -3 at the halfway stage.
A whole host of players are at -2 including Ireland’s Padraig Harrington, looking for a third successive Major title after the Open and US Open last year.
Joining Harrington on -2 are England’s Lee Westwood and 1988 champion Sandy Lyle, the Scot making the cut for a third successive Masters after he hit five successive birdies on the back nine yesterday.
Northern Ireland’s young gun Rory McIlroy, also on -2, faced a nervous wait before being confirmed in the third round.
McIlroy endured a frustrating second round, dropping five shots on the last three holes and appearing to kick the sand when trapped in a bunker on the last.
But he was later cleared of infringing the rules after Masters officials ruled that he was not testing the conditions.
Tiger Woods put in another steady round and is another man on -2. Woods will certainly be one to watch out for tomorrow as it is likely to be then when he makes his move, for Woods has never won a Major having been behind after 54 holes.
Of those who did not make the halfway cut, South Africa’s Gary Player and possibly Australian Greg Norman will have made their last appearance at Augusta.
Other sports
In rugby union, the four quarter finals of the Heineken Cup will be played this weekend.
On Saturday, Cardiff Blues face Toulouse at home and in an all-English contest Leicester Tigers face Bath at Welford Road.
On Sunday, Harlequins are at home to Leinster while Ospreys travel to bookmakers' favourites Munster.
In cricket, defending County champions Durham will resume their first innings on 311-4 on the final day of this season’s curtain raiser against the MCC at Lords.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, this being England on a Bank Holiday weekend, rain has washed out any chance of a result in that match.
Football
Starting at the Riverside Stadium, freefalling Hull City (15th, 34 points) will go a long way to retaining their Premier League status by beating Middlesbrough (19th, 27 points).
The Tigers have managed only two league wins since October. But they face a Boro team which is already five points from safety having slumped to an alarming 4-1 defeat against Bolton Wanderers last week.
Stoke City (13th, 35 points) can make themselves just about safe by continuing their excellent home form against struggling Newcastle United (18th, 29 points) in Alan Shearer’s first away match as manager.
And Portsmouth (16th, 33 points) will expect to beat lowly West Bromwich Albion (20th, 24 points) at home to move within the finishing line, the Baggies having been cut adrift at the bottom and now eight points from safety.
Sunderland (17th, 32 points) face an altogether tougher home assignment against leaders Manchester United. But they will be heartened by United’s recent record of ten goals conceded in their last four matches.
United’s nearest challengers, Liverpool (one point behind, having played a game more) entertain
Blackburn Rovers (14th, 34 points) on the back of their 3-1 home defeat against Chelsea in the Champions League quarter finals.
Chelsea (a further three points back, having also played a game more than United) play Bolton Wanderers, the Trotters having jumped up to 37 points with that 4-1 success over Middlesbrough.
Leading the chase for the final Europa Cup place, West Ham United in seventh travel to Tottenham Hotspur, unbeaten at home in all competitions since November, in a London derby.
And eight-placed Wigan Athletic, who are three points behind the Hammers, play at home against fourth-placed Arsenal, who are unbeaten in the league since November.
On Sunday, Manchester City will want to bounce back quickly from their disappointing midweek defeat to Hamburg in the Uefa Cup by beating Fulham, with only one away win all season, at home.
And Aston Villa, not so long ago leading Arsenal in the fight for fourth place, now have to protect fifth from Everton who are just one point behind before their visit to Villa Park.
Golf
This weekend will also see the conclusion of the first Major of the year at the Augusta National in the US Masters.
After the first two rounds, leaders Chad Campbell and Kenny Perry are on -9 with Argentina’s Angel Cabrera on -8 as their only immediate challenger.
Campbell has led the competition from its early stages but was joined at the top by his American compatriot Perry after he had shot a five-under-par 67 yesterday.
Another American, Todd Hamilton, is in fourth on -6 with South African Tim Clarke just behind on -5, hoping to emulate his countryman Trevor Immelman’s success last year.
In a remarkable turn of events on day two, American Antony Kim recovered from a 75 on the opening day to hit a course-record 11 birdies in a round of 65 to jump to -4.
The European challenge is being led by a Spaniard and a Swede with Sergio Garcia also on -4 and Henrik Stenson on -3 at the halfway stage.
A whole host of players are at -2 including Ireland’s Padraig Harrington, looking for a third successive Major title after the Open and US Open last year.
Joining Harrington on -2 are England’s Lee Westwood and 1988 champion Sandy Lyle, the Scot making the cut for a third successive Masters after he hit five successive birdies on the back nine yesterday.
Northern Ireland’s young gun Rory McIlroy, also on -2, faced a nervous wait before being confirmed in the third round.
McIlroy endured a frustrating second round, dropping five shots on the last three holes and appearing to kick the sand when trapped in a bunker on the last.
But he was later cleared of infringing the rules after Masters officials ruled that he was not testing the conditions.
Tiger Woods put in another steady round and is another man on -2. Woods will certainly be one to watch out for tomorrow as it is likely to be then when he makes his move, for Woods has never won a Major having been behind after 54 holes.
Of those who did not make the halfway cut, South Africa’s Gary Player and possibly Australian Greg Norman will have made their last appearance at Augusta.
Other sports
In rugby union, the four quarter finals of the Heineken Cup will be played this weekend.
On Saturday, Cardiff Blues face Toulouse at home and in an all-English contest Leicester Tigers face Bath at Welford Road.
On Sunday, Harlequins are at home to Leinster while Ospreys travel to bookmakers' favourites Munster.
In cricket, defending County champions Durham will resume their first innings on 311-4 on the final day of this season’s curtain raiser against the MCC at Lords.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, this being England on a Bank Holiday weekend, rain has washed out any chance of a result in that match.
Thursday, 9 April 2009
The power of people
The generosity of some people never ceases to amaze me sometimes.
After my lament on the closure of Press Gazette was noticed by the excellent FleetStreetBlues blog, one of its readers (presumably), calling themselves Outraged, suggested I tried the nearby Camden New Journal to fill the gap.
With my transport and accommodation still booked and nothing to lose, it was worth a shot.
And after a brief exchange of emails this afternoon, my application for the w/c May 18th was successful.
So this is just a short post to say thanks to FleetStreetBlues and 'Outraged'.
While I often despair about the state of the industry as a whole, it's clear that the vast majority of the people working in it are like gold and are always willing to help out a fellow hack.
After my lament on the closure of Press Gazette was noticed by the excellent FleetStreetBlues blog, one of its readers (presumably), calling themselves Outraged, suggested I tried the nearby Camden New Journal to fill the gap.
With my transport and accommodation still booked and nothing to lose, it was worth a shot.
And after a brief exchange of emails this afternoon, my application for the w/c May 18th was successful.
So this is just a short post to say thanks to FleetStreetBlues and 'Outraged'.
While I often despair about the state of the industry as a whole, it's clear that the vast majority of the people working in it are like gold and are always willing to help out a fellow hack.
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
The Apprentice - series 5, ep 3: Maj fails the fitness test
Quiet man Maj became the third Apprentice candidate to be fired as Ignite enjoyed a clear victory over Empire in rearranged teams.
Before the task began, Kim and Kate moved from Ignite to the formerly all-boys’ team Empire with Noorul and Phil moving the other way.
For the third task, Sir Alan asked the teams to invent a piece of portable home fitness equipment and pitch it to three retailers.
The team who took the most orders would be declared as the winners.
Empire, led by James who narrowly escaped being fired last week, made the better start.
They quickly came up with a product aimed at exercising various different muscles but faltered on choosing its name - even considering The Bingo Buster and The Wing Worker.
Ignite, managed by abrasive team leader Debra, were lost in a whirl of indecision until Philip came up with a rival to the Swiss Ball at the last minute.
Empire finally came to their senses, dropped the daft names and branded it as the Home Multi-Toner.
But it was a brand as bland as the product’s appearance.
Unsurprisingly, they struggled to pitch their black box of tricks to the three retailers – Powerhouse, John Lewis and Totally Fitness – with the latter also criticising it for effectively being a cheap multi-gym.
Meanwhile, Ignite leader Debra’s main worry, even as they headed in a taxi to their first pitch, was the ability of Lorraine to sell their product.
But, after an uncertain start, Lorraine improved and it was Yasmina who nearly made a major mistake during the John Lewis pitch.
The result was a clear win for Ignite, however. Indeed, it was one of the clearest in Apprentice history.
They still received 10,000 orders from John Lewis to put alongside their 80 from Powerhouse and 100 from Totally Fitness.
Empire received only 500 orders in total, all of them from John Lewis, and Sir Alan was even more scathing than usual in his attack on the losers.
He shouted: “You totally missed your target audience. You totally missed what the market wants.
“You came up with some lump of wood and you're sitting here wondering why you didn't get any orders.
"I know why you didn't get any orders! The whole thing sucks!"
As Ignite enjoyed a private recital from Katherine Jenkins, James found himself fighting for his Apprentice existence for the second successive week.
He brought Ben and Maj back into the boardroom and criticised the appearance of his own team’s product after the changes made to it by these colleagues.
Sir Alan suggested James was not heavily enough involved in the task while aide Margaret Mountford that Empire had lost focus on their target market.
James, who seemed constantly on the verge of tears, remained on dodgy ground throughout the boardroom confrontation.
And this was even more so the case after Ben accused him of making a lot of noise for little end product.
Ben successfully argued that he was the only team member to come up with an idea and was absolved by Sir Alan.
But, in an unexpected twist, Margaret defended James’s management style. She told Sir Alan that it was nothing like his occasionally loutish behaviour in the boardroom.
Suddenly the attention turned to Maj for his laidback attitude.
And he reinforced the perception by struggling to put up a defence, admitting later that he was unprepared for being under attack.
Even in the black cab after his firing, Maj only said: “I feel as if Alan Sugar didn’t get to see the best of me.”
Back in the boardroom, Sir Alan explained: “My instincts are that I can’t really have someone that is perceived not to contribute and you may not agree with this – but Maj, you’re fired.”
Sir Alan’s three firings so far have all suggested he has been getting rid of some ‘dead wood’ before the main competition begins.
And Sir Alan left James in no doubt as to his uncertain position after his second narrow escape.
Before the task began, Kim and Kate moved from Ignite to the formerly all-boys’ team Empire with Noorul and Phil moving the other way.
For the third task, Sir Alan asked the teams to invent a piece of portable home fitness equipment and pitch it to three retailers.
The team who took the most orders would be declared as the winners.
Empire, led by James who narrowly escaped being fired last week, made the better start.
They quickly came up with a product aimed at exercising various different muscles but faltered on choosing its name - even considering The Bingo Buster and The Wing Worker.
Ignite, managed by abrasive team leader Debra, were lost in a whirl of indecision until Philip came up with a rival to the Swiss Ball at the last minute.
Empire finally came to their senses, dropped the daft names and branded it as the Home Multi-Toner.
But it was a brand as bland as the product’s appearance.
Unsurprisingly, they struggled to pitch their black box of tricks to the three retailers – Powerhouse, John Lewis and Totally Fitness – with the latter also criticising it for effectively being a cheap multi-gym.
Meanwhile, Ignite leader Debra’s main worry, even as they headed in a taxi to their first pitch, was the ability of Lorraine to sell their product.
But, after an uncertain start, Lorraine improved and it was Yasmina who nearly made a major mistake during the John Lewis pitch.
The result was a clear win for Ignite, however. Indeed, it was one of the clearest in Apprentice history.
They still received 10,000 orders from John Lewis to put alongside their 80 from Powerhouse and 100 from Totally Fitness.
Empire received only 500 orders in total, all of them from John Lewis, and Sir Alan was even more scathing than usual in his attack on the losers.
He shouted: “You totally missed your target audience. You totally missed what the market wants.
“You came up with some lump of wood and you're sitting here wondering why you didn't get any orders.
"I know why you didn't get any orders! The whole thing sucks!"
As Ignite enjoyed a private recital from Katherine Jenkins, James found himself fighting for his Apprentice existence for the second successive week.
He brought Ben and Maj back into the boardroom and criticised the appearance of his own team’s product after the changes made to it by these colleagues.
Sir Alan suggested James was not heavily enough involved in the task while aide Margaret Mountford that Empire had lost focus on their target market.
James, who seemed constantly on the verge of tears, remained on dodgy ground throughout the boardroom confrontation.
And this was even more so the case after Ben accused him of making a lot of noise for little end product.
Ben successfully argued that he was the only team member to come up with an idea and was absolved by Sir Alan.
But, in an unexpected twist, Margaret defended James’s management style. She told Sir Alan that it was nothing like his occasionally loutish behaviour in the boardroom.
Suddenly the attention turned to Maj for his laidback attitude.
And he reinforced the perception by struggling to put up a defence, admitting later that he was unprepared for being under attack.
Even in the black cab after his firing, Maj only said: “I feel as if Alan Sugar didn’t get to see the best of me.”
Back in the boardroom, Sir Alan explained: “My instincts are that I can’t really have someone that is perceived not to contribute and you may not agree with this – but Maj, you’re fired.”
Sir Alan’s three firings so far have all suggested he has been getting rid of some ‘dead wood’ before the main competition begins.
And Sir Alan left James in no doubt as to his uncertain position after his second narrow escape.
Monday, 6 April 2009
RIP Press Gazette, the voice of British journalism
Work experience application accepted. Check. Transport booked. Check. Accommodation booked. Check.
Frankly, I couldn't wait to help out for a week at the Press Gazette offices in London in the middle of May.
It would, after all, be the first time that I had been back in a newsroom since the NCTJ course ended, barring any miracles happening before then.
Being unemployed, I knew a week in London would not come cheap and I would have to plan my trip carefully with a view of doing it as cheaply as possible.
That meant travelling on a Megabus to London on the Sunday, returning on the Friday night by leaving London Victoria at 11.15pm and getting into Newcastle at 5.40am.
And it meant staying in a hostel with no-one I knew for five nights.
But it was an opportunity I could not turn down - the perfect fillip for my CV.
So imagine my disappointment when I did just a regular check-up on the Press Gazette website today.
The top story was a statement by Wilmington Group Plc, stating: "Unfortunately Press Gazette, along with much of the profession, has suffered from a declining market during these years and its losses have increased.
"We have therefore been forced to conclude that the market required to sustain a commercially viable Press Gazette magazine no longer exists.
"The last hard copy edition of Press Gazette will therefore be the May edition which will be published in April."
The statement goes on to say that the website will continue but Roy Greenslade in his blog on The Guardian website says: "Don't be fooled by the wording of Wilmington's announcement about online continuation.
"It will not carry any news because its journalists are being required to depart."
Press Gazette had shut down previously - in November 2006 - before the Wilmington Group Plc bought it out of administration.
But it would seem it was only a stay of execution.
I sent an email expressing my condolences to the staff - there are already 23 similarly depressing comments on their own website - and received a swift reply.
Editor Dominic Ponsford confirmed: "I am afraid this means work experience is out the window - unless there is a miracle."
It has been another sad day for British journalism.
R.I.P. Press Gazette (1965-2009)
Frankly, I couldn't wait to help out for a week at the Press Gazette offices in London in the middle of May.
It would, after all, be the first time that I had been back in a newsroom since the NCTJ course ended, barring any miracles happening before then.
Being unemployed, I knew a week in London would not come cheap and I would have to plan my trip carefully with a view of doing it as cheaply as possible.
That meant travelling on a Megabus to London on the Sunday, returning on the Friday night by leaving London Victoria at 11.15pm and getting into Newcastle at 5.40am.
And it meant staying in a hostel with no-one I knew for five nights.
But it was an opportunity I could not turn down - the perfect fillip for my CV.
So imagine my disappointment when I did just a regular check-up on the Press Gazette website today.
The top story was a statement by Wilmington Group Plc, stating: "Unfortunately Press Gazette, along with much of the profession, has suffered from a declining market during these years and its losses have increased.
"We have therefore been forced to conclude that the market required to sustain a commercially viable Press Gazette magazine no longer exists.
"The last hard copy edition of Press Gazette will therefore be the May edition which will be published in April."
The statement goes on to say that the website will continue but Roy Greenslade in his blog on The Guardian website says: "Don't be fooled by the wording of Wilmington's announcement about online continuation.
"It will not carry any news because its journalists are being required to depart."
Press Gazette had shut down previously - in November 2006 - before the Wilmington Group Plc bought it out of administration.
But it would seem it was only a stay of execution.
I sent an email expressing my condolences to the staff - there are already 23 similarly depressing comments on their own website - and received a swift reply.
Editor Dominic Ponsford confirmed: "I am afraid this means work experience is out the window - unless there is a miracle."
It has been another sad day for British journalism.
R.I.P. Press Gazette (1965-2009)
Saturday, 4 April 2009
Friday, 3 April 2009
And they're off - Sports Preview - April 3-5
Horse Racing
The world's most famous steeplechase will be run at Aintree Racecourse for the 162nd time on Saturday.
The talk in the Paddock is whether Comply or Die (16-1) can become the first horse since Red Rum to win two Nationals.
But the favourite over the 33 fences and 4m 4f course is My Will (7-1) as jockey Ruby Walsh seeks his third National success after winning on Papillon (2002) and Hedgehunter (2005).
For most casual punters, like myself, it's the equivalent case of sticking a pin on the page of the newspaper while blindfolded.
But one horse I will have to go for is Fleet Street, even if it is a 66-1 shot and even though there are no newspapers left in that area of London.
The beauty of the National, of course, is that it might be the only one left in the running.
The race starts at 4.15pm, in the middle of the second half of the Saturday 3pm football kick-offs...
Premier League football
Alan Shearer makes his return to Newcastle United as temporary manager with eight games left.
That starts on Saturday against third-placed Chelsea who are four points behind leaders Manchester United having played a match more.
Newcastle start the weekend in a perilous position in 18th on 29 points but Shearer insists his role is only on a temporary basis.
He said: "I'm definitely only here for eight weeks and that's all I'm concentrating on."
In the chase for the title, Liverpool could regain the lead if they succeed at Craven Cottage against Fulham where Manchester United failed.
But United can ensure it is a short stay at the summit by beating rapidly-unravelling Aston Villa at home on Sunday.
And Arsenal can stretch further ahead of Villa in fourth by beating travel-sick Manchester City at home.
Back at the bottom, Hull City (13th, 33 points) face Portsmouth (15th, 32 points) at home with the safety line in sight.
But Hull have the worst home record in the lead and Pompey's Peter Crouch seems to have hit a hot streak at the right time.
Middlesbrough (19th, 27 points) desperately need a win soon, being four points adrift of safety already.
But this weekend, they face a tough test against Bolton Wanderers (12th, 34 points).
West Brom (20th, 24 points) are even further adrift and to give themselves any hope surely must take three points against Stoke City (16th, 32 points) who are still without an away win all season.
Of the other teams in trouble, Sunderland (14th, 32 points) travel to the Boleyn Ground to face West Ham who will be without Carlton Cole after his injury on England duty.
And Blackburn Rovers (17th, 31 points) meet resurgent Tottenham Hotspur in the Saturday lunchtime kick-off.
Sunday's match between sixth-placed Everton and seventh-placed Wigan at Goodison rounds off gameweek 31. The reverse fixture ended up with Wigan winning 1-0.
In local non-league football, Whitley Bay travel to Lowestoft Town for the second leg of their FA Vase semi final, defending a narrow lead (2-1).
Away goals do not count in the competition and the Bay will hope to avenge last season's defeat at the same stage against the same team.
Meanwhile, Gateshead lost the lead at the top of the Blue Square North in midweek when second-placed Tamworth Town beat third-placed Southport in their game in hand.
With the teams around them still having games in hand, all the Heed can really do is win as many points as possible and see where they end up - starting away at Stafford Rangers on Saturday.
Cricket
England have managed to hang onto the coat-tails of the West Indies and have travelled to St Lucia for today's decider in the five-match series in good spirits.
The availability of Andrew Flintoff and Kevin Pietersen has given the squad a timely boost as they seek to secure a first-ever one-day series win in the Caribbean.
Meanwhile, the Windies have potentially been distracted after their players threatened a boycott because of a row with the WICB over payment.
But Gayle calmed fears that the match would not go ahead by confirming there are now talks between the WICB and the Players' Association (WIPA).
He will hope to continue his magnificent form as the Windies aim to win a Test/ODI-series double.
England will hope to emerge from this torrid winter with some credit.
Formula 1
The F1 circus has moved to Sepang in Malaysia for the second race of the new season which is already engulfed in controversy.
In my review of last weekend's sport, I congratulated Lewis Hamilton on his skill in getting his uncompetitive McLaren up to third, although this was only after Jarno Trulli's 25-second penalty.
But this was not the end of the matter and Hamilton was called to the governing body, the FIA, to explain emerging evidence.
The hearing discovered Hamilton, under instructions from team boss Dave Ryan, gave stewards "deliberately misleading" information about team radio instructions which told him to allow Trulli to pass him.
Hamilton has been stripped of his points with Trulli promoted back into third. Ryan has been suspended by McLaren.
"I'm not a liar or a dishonest person," said Hamilton.
But his reputation remains tarnished in the eyes of many F1 fans and it is doubtful if Hamilton will ever radiate the same glow as what followed when he won the world championship in Brazil.
Of course, he could start by racing brilliantly and fairly this weekend. But his chances are likely to be restricted by Brawn GP, Williams and Ferrari after they all impressed in practice.
In first practice, Niko Rosberg led a Williams one-two ahead of Kazuki Nakajima with the Brawns of Button and Barrichello in third and fourth, and the two Ferraris in fifth and sixth.
In the second practice, it was the Ferraris turn to enjoy a one-two with Kimi Raikkkonen faster than Felipe Massa and Sebastien Vettel in Red Bull in third.
Ice Hockey
In ice hockey, it's finals weekend for the Elite League.
Sheffield Steelers facing Cardiff Devils at 1pm and it's Coventry Blaze against Nottingham Panthers at 5pm at the National Ice Arena in Nottingham on Saturday.
The winners of the two semi-finals meet on Sunday.
Sheffield, playoff champions in 07/08, won the regular season by a clear 11 points from Nottingham and Coventry who both finished on 78 suggesting that the evening match-up could be very competitive indeed.
Cardiff are very much the outsiders, hacing finished fifth in the regular season on 63 points before surprisingly beating Belfast over two legs in the quarters.
Thursday, 2 April 2009
The Apprentice - series 5, ep 2: Ignite burn bright as Empire implode
The girls’ Ignite team pulled off a fine maiden win of the series after the boys’ Empire team imploded disastrously and made a loss.
Sir Alan asked the teams to provide a corporate catering service to business professionals. Ignite chose Yasmina as team leader while the ludicrously-named Rocky stepped up for Empire.
Having a restaurateur in charge, rather than a sandwich chain owner, seemed to me to leave Ignite in a favourable position for the second week running.
But, unlike week one when they failed to capitalise on their numerical advantage, the girls looked far better organised straightaway in coming up with their Mediterranean food idea.
Empire ended up plumping for a rather vague Olympics 2012 idea with their food representing the five continents of the world and the five Olympic rings.
And they only made it worse when they decided it was a good idea to wear togas to the evening event and to make peanut butter sandwiches!
Poor Country Durham lad Philip was left with the hopeless task of selling to the client at the ridiculous price of £60 per head on Rocky's instructions after a brief conversation with Howard.
Philip had to back down to £15 per head in one of the most cringe-worthy scenes of the series so far - even Philip himself called it "hideous".
Not that Ignite were much better in selling.
Sir Alan's aide Margaret Mountford rubbed her brow as Kate struggled to remember the most basic details about their menu.
And while Empire did not manage to get any lunch orders as compared to the Ignite's two offices, they proved a hit when selling their food on the South Bank to tourists.
But this task was only ever going to go one way even though Ignite's lunch suffered from a lack of variation, had no salad dressing and even contained a hair!
On the evening, Empire wore their tacky togas and covered the tables in a gold sheet, making it look "like a brothel" to Philip who had easily the most awareness.
And Sir Alan's aide Nick Hewer, who followed Empire, said: "Generally speaking, the togas have not gone down very well.
"Some of the older women are more appreciative but the younger ones find it more of a turnoff."
Despite the cheapness of their food, the lack of any chicken in some of the chicken wraps and the serving of some of the largest bruschettas known to man, Ignite at least steered clear of the peanut butter.
Their presentation was better and, unsurprisingly, their kitchen was run with military precision by restaurateur team leader Yasmina.
In all, Ignite made a tidy profit of £651.43 even after their client paid a reduced fee of £500, down from £750, for the evening service.
Empire clearly did not take heed of the girls' over-spending in week one and splurged more than £800.
Much of it went on their horrific presentation, which lost them more money after their client halved the fee to £375 for the evening service.
It meant a loss of £160.76 and so while the girls enjoyed learning how to play polo at Ascot Park, Empire were summoned back to see Sir Alan.
Sir Alan rebuked all of the boys for their failure as Rocky brought back James and Howard to the boardroom.
In the cafe and again in the boardroom, team leader Rocky blamed James for a perceived lack of work-ethic and for having a big mouth.
James gave a passionate defence, thumping the table as he did so, which only served to rile Sir Alan even more.
Rocky, whose youth career at Middlesbrough FC was cut short by arthritis, pleaded for more time to learn from his mistakes, but Sir Alan considered the disastrous outcome - a loss - and fired him.
He said: "Rocky, you're only 21 but one cannot ignore a series of what I call immature mistakes.
"Your career at Middlesbrough was halted. You got taken off the pitch on a stretcher. This time you're off the pitch in a black cab."
In the cab, Rocky said: "I'm going to take it on the chin and make sure that I do very well for myself."
Sir Alan asked the teams to provide a corporate catering service to business professionals. Ignite chose Yasmina as team leader while the ludicrously-named Rocky stepped up for Empire.
Having a restaurateur in charge, rather than a sandwich chain owner, seemed to me to leave Ignite in a favourable position for the second week running.
But, unlike week one when they failed to capitalise on their numerical advantage, the girls looked far better organised straightaway in coming up with their Mediterranean food idea.
Empire ended up plumping for a rather vague Olympics 2012 idea with their food representing the five continents of the world and the five Olympic rings.
And they only made it worse when they decided it was a good idea to wear togas to the evening event and to make peanut butter sandwiches!
Poor Country Durham lad Philip was left with the hopeless task of selling to the client at the ridiculous price of £60 per head on Rocky's instructions after a brief conversation with Howard.
Philip had to back down to £15 per head in one of the most cringe-worthy scenes of the series so far - even Philip himself called it "hideous".
Not that Ignite were much better in selling.
Sir Alan's aide Margaret Mountford rubbed her brow as Kate struggled to remember the most basic details about their menu.
And while Empire did not manage to get any lunch orders as compared to the Ignite's two offices, they proved a hit when selling their food on the South Bank to tourists.
But this task was only ever going to go one way even though Ignite's lunch suffered from a lack of variation, had no salad dressing and even contained a hair!
On the evening, Empire wore their tacky togas and covered the tables in a gold sheet, making it look "like a brothel" to Philip who had easily the most awareness.
And Sir Alan's aide Nick Hewer, who followed Empire, said: "Generally speaking, the togas have not gone down very well.
"Some of the older women are more appreciative but the younger ones find it more of a turnoff."
Despite the cheapness of their food, the lack of any chicken in some of the chicken wraps and the serving of some of the largest bruschettas known to man, Ignite at least steered clear of the peanut butter.
Their presentation was better and, unsurprisingly, their kitchen was run with military precision by restaurateur team leader Yasmina.
In all, Ignite made a tidy profit of £651.43 even after their client paid a reduced fee of £500, down from £750, for the evening service.
Empire clearly did not take heed of the girls' over-spending in week one and splurged more than £800.
Much of it went on their horrific presentation, which lost them more money after their client halved the fee to £375 for the evening service.
It meant a loss of £160.76 and so while the girls enjoyed learning how to play polo at Ascot Park, Empire were summoned back to see Sir Alan.
Sir Alan rebuked all of the boys for their failure as Rocky brought back James and Howard to the boardroom.
In the cafe and again in the boardroom, team leader Rocky blamed James for a perceived lack of work-ethic and for having a big mouth.
James gave a passionate defence, thumping the table as he did so, which only served to rile Sir Alan even more.
Rocky, whose youth career at Middlesbrough FC was cut short by arthritis, pleaded for more time to learn from his mistakes, but Sir Alan considered the disastrous outcome - a loss - and fired him.
He said: "Rocky, you're only 21 but one cannot ignore a series of what I call immature mistakes.
"Your career at Middlesbrough was halted. You got taken off the pitch on a stretcher. This time you're off the pitch in a black cab."
In the cab, Rocky said: "I'm going to take it on the chin and make sure that I do very well for myself."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)