Man of the match: Mitchell Johnson (9-103)
MITCHELL JOHNSON took a five-wicket haul for just the eighth time in Tests as Australia completed a comprehensive beating of sorry England inside four days at the Gabba in Brisbane.
Johnson posted 5-42 in the second innings, and match figures of 9-103, as England collapsed for the second time in the match, losing by a massive 381 runs.
This was a defeat straight from the dark days of English cricket in the 1990s - but this team has shown itself in the past to be a lot more talented than their counterparts from 15 or 20 years ago.
And so that is simply what is so stunning about this turnaround. Indeed, even during day one of this Test, England - holders of the urn since 2007 - were heavy favourites again.
Stuart Broad reacted brilliantly to some extreme goading from the Australian press and supporters to run through the Aussie top-order, taking the top four wickets on the way to figures of 6-81.
Broad had become a persona non grata in Australia following an incident on the third day at Trent Bridge in the first Test of the summer series.
Clearly edging behind to first slip, Broad - as is his right - stood his ground expecting to see the raised finger of Pakistani umpire Aleem Dar.
Incredibly, it never came, and Broad - having refused to walk - carried on where he left off, eventually scoring a vital 65 in what was eventually the tightest of victories.
Already in the past, Broad has shown himself to be a pretty thick-skinned character so it is doubtful that a few headlines - or, ridiculously, being referred to as the "27-year-old medium-pacer" on the Brisbane Courier scorecard - will bother him too much.
Nevertheless, it is a pretty pathetic an hypocritical campaign from the journalists in a country who actually popularised the notion of not walking.
Perhaps the Aussies are just a little more sensitive having had to become accustomed to losing over the last few years.
Not in this series, though, if this desperate England display is replicated elsewhere.
Firstly, having had Australia on the ropes at six down in their first innings, captain Alastair Cook allowed the match to drift as Johnson and Brad Haddin put on 114 for the seventh wicket.
Haddin eventually fell six runs short of his century the following day, run out by quick-thinking debutant Michael Carberry, after going for a second which was never on.
Australia were still all out for less than 300, and England began the task of establishing an innings lead in reasonably confident manner.
Johnson's first spell lasted just three erratic overs, and Carberry looked especially at home in eventually top-scoring for England with 40.
The same could not be said for the vastly more experienced Jonathan Trott, who fell in the over before lunch, patently unable to cope with some short and genuinely fast-paced bowling from Johnson who had been brought back on.
Trott's dismissal had taken the gloss of a solid morning for England who, at 55-2 and then 82-2, had no need to press the panic button.
Except that Johnson - following his inauspicious start - had become a constant menace, regularly clocking 90mph on the speedometer.
Australia's other bowlers were coming into play, too. Ryan Harris took the scalp of Kevin Pietersen who lofted a drive to George Bailey at midwicket, before Carberry was hustled out by Johnson.
Spinner Nathan Lyon dismissed Ian Bell for five and Matt Prior for a golden duck to leave England on 87-6 - and it got worse as Joe Root (2) and Graeme Swann (0) quickly departed to Johnson to leave England on 91-8.
Astonishingly, the tourists had lost six wickets for nine runs inside 10 overs, their worst ever collapse in the first innings of a Test and their worst anywhere since Melbourne in 1990.
Nevertheless, a slow start to an away series is nothing new for England - there is a pattern which has already been set.
For, in tours in the last two years to Pakistan (in the UAE), Sri Lanka, India, New Zealand and now Australia, England have failed to pass even 200 in the first innings of the first Test. If anything, they are getting further away.
More generally, Cook's men have failed to pass 400 in any of their last 17 Test innings, including all 10 innings of this summer's successful, though perhaps now highly-flattering, Ashes series.
The impressive Broad batted with the tail for a while to make 32 but holed out off Peter Siddle to Chris Rogers at deep square leg.
And so, England were humiliatingly all out for 136, a deficit of 159 which grew to one of 224 runs as Australia's openers Rogers and David Warner easily got to close of play undefeated on day two.
Rogers did not last very long on day three, and nor did Shane Watson, but Warner batted magnificently to compile his first Ashes century and the first by anyone in this series.
He was joined at the crease by his skipper Michael Clarke who saw off a perceived short-ball weakness to make it into three figures too.
Indeed, by the time Swann could make his breakthrough, Australia were already on 294-5, a lead of 453.
Clarke then allowed Johnson (39 not out) and debutant Bailey (34) some time at the crease while Haddin (53) completed another half-century.
But, with an hour of the third day left, he declared with Australia having racked up a massive lead of 560.
Only two teams have scored over 200 to win a Test match at the Gabba, and the highest was 236 in 1951 by Australia against the West Indies.
England were no in position to be breaking records with BBC Test Match Special commentator Jonathan Agnew describing them as being "in disarray".
And, by the close of day three, England were 24-2 and finally staring a huge defeat in the face.
Carberry was out for a duck this time, defending to Harris, only to see the ball almost apologetically bounce down between his legs and rebound onto the stumps.
Then Trott could not make it to the close, and was never going to, given his skittish approach and poor body position when faced with Johnson.
Former England captain Michael Vaughan described Trott's nine runs as "the worst I've ever seen an England number three make" and, indeed, he made no more, shovelling another short Johnson delivery to Lyon at deep square leg.
Trott just about sums up England's state of mind at present and, though it pains me to admit it, Warner has a point in describing the number three as "poor and weak" and England generally as having "scared eyes".
Of course, the tourists resumed on day four in a frankly hopeless position, and so it was with some credit that Cook led from the front in making 65.
Pietersen (26) and Bell (32) also helped delay the inevitable for a while but Siddle then snaffled the latter with a delivery which was back of a length to leave England on 130-4.
Then, the rains came - easily England's best chances of saving the game. Actually, it was not just rain but hailstones the size of golf balls which were falling out of a blackened sky.
However, the match was delayed for merely 90 minutes and, on its resumption, Cook was out almost immediately, nicking a thin edge behind off Lyon.
The spinner then accounted for Prior, caught down the leg-side by Warner for a paltry four before Broad could only equal that score as a second collapse gained momentum.
Johnson, who had taken Broad's wicket, was in the midst of another great spell and, within the same over, he ensured Swann completed a miserable Test with a second duck.
Another rain delay was actually rather cruel on England who, by this stage, wanted just to get the whole sorry affair over and done with.
And, on the resumption, Chris Tremlett obliged - only managing to fend a short ball from Harris to Bailey for seven - before James Anderson was fittingly caught and bowled by man of the match Johnson for two.
It was all over, England having failed to make it to 200 again in losing by a mammoth 381 runs, their fifth worst Ashes defeat ever in terms of runs and sadly a fair reflection on the difference between how the two teams have played.
England have, of course, bounced back from slow starts in several series in the recent past, securing draws in Sri Lanka and New Zealand, and collecting a magnificent comeback win in India.
But the most worrying thing about this series is that the die already seems to have been cast, the theme being the England top order's complete inability to cope with short, fast-paced deliveries from Johnson.
Serenaded at the start of this Test by England's Barmy Army with that song, the Queenslander is the stand-out figure so far in this series.
A repeat performance of his efforts here in Adelaide, beginning a week on Thursday, would surely put the Aussies 2-0 up.
Then comes Perth in Western Australia where England have won just once ever, even losing heavily in their impressive series victory three years ago.
And so, unless England's batsman can get themselves sorted out pretty sharpish, this series could indeed be decided in a flash - just not in the way it was expected to be.
There is a hell of a lot of work to be done.
THE ASHES 2013/14
| 21-25 Nov | FIRST: Australia 295 & 401-7d beat England 136 & 179 by 381 runs | Brisbane |
| 5-9 Dec | SECOND TEST | Adelaide |
| 13-17 Dec | THIRD TEST | Perth |
| 26-30 Dec | FOURTH TEST | Melbourne |
| 3-7 Jan | FIFTH TEST | Sydney |
CENTURIES
124 David Warner (Australia)
113 Michael Clarke (Australia)
FIVE-WICKET HAULS
6-81 Stuart Broad (England)
5-42 Mitchell Johnson (Australia)
SLOW STARTERS
England's last five first innings scores in the first Test of an away series
192 v Pakistan in Dubai (January 2012)
193 v Sri Lanka in Galle (March 2012)
191 v India in Ahmedabad (November 2012)
167 v New Zealand in Dunedin (March 2013)
136 v Australia in Brisbane (November 2013)
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