There's a phrase which tells you that you should never meet your heroes because they will only disappoint you.
Well, I didn't have to meet the bunch of overpaid, over-hyped wasters in which I have invested all my hope to be let down by them.
I just watched them from Level 7 at St James Park all season with an increasingly desperate realisation that they weren't good enough.
After just seven wins (five at home) and 34 points, they were undoubtledly not good enough.
And to think the season started so optimistically after the late-season recovery under Kevin Keegan in 2007-08.
A point at Old Trafford was followed up by a tight home win against Bolton Wanderers and a fine attacking display in beating Coventry City 3-2 in the League Cup.
Little did we think that the 3-0 reverse at the Emirates against Arsenal, the third such defeat in 2008, would be the last match of Keegan's second spell as manager.
Rumours began circulating as early as Tuesday that Keegan had resigned, citing Mike Ashley's ridiculous management structure which placed the odious Dennis Wise and a casino boss Derek Llambias above him in the St James Park pecking order.
It also became apparent that James Milner had been allowed to leave for Aston Villa without his agreement and that many of the signings had been sanctioned by Wise, not Keegan.
On the Thursday of that week, the rumours became fact and Keegan, sticking by his principles, decided he had no choice but to abandon the club again.
A tumultuous day at St James Park included fan protests against the board while on the pitch United lost 2-1 at home to Hull, a result which would end up having far more significance than originally realised.
Further defeats against West Ham United (1-3 away), Spurs (1-2 home in the League Cup) and Blackburn (1-2 home) further eroded confidence before Ashley pulled the next rabbit out his hat by dragging Joe Kinnear in from the wilderness.
Kinnear had last managed four years previously when he was relieved of his position as Nottingham Forest headed down to League One.
But he started with two 2-2 draws, including a fighting display against Manchester City after Habib Beye suffered one of the worst red cards of the season thanks to the incompetence of referee Rob Styles.
This was followed, however, by a 2-1 loss away in Sunderland, the first away defeat in the derby since 1980 and the first in the top flight since 1967.
Kinnear recovered his position as United won two league matches in a row for the first time all season by beating West Brom and Aston Villa at home within a week.
But this was followed by five matches without a win, four of which were draws.
Two of the draws were credible stalemates away at Chelsea and Boro. But both the home draws against Wigan and Stoke involved surrendering leads in the last minute.
United enjoyed some good pre-Christmas form by beating Portsmouth 3-0 away in their longest trip of the season and then scoring in the last minute to beat Spurs 2-1.
It left the Toon in 12th place on Christmas morning but the league remained extremely tight.
And so, the annual Boxing Day loss to Wigan - followed up by the 5-1 home mauling against Liverpool - dragged United back into trouble.
It also signalled the end of Shay Given's Newcastle United career as he handed in a transfer request and moved to Manchester City.
Charles N'Zogbia also moved - to Wigan after a public falling-out with Kinnear with Ryan Taylor coming in the opposite direction.
Kevin Nolan and Peter Lovenkrands were also brought in the club.
The FA Cup brought little joy with defeat in a home replay against Hull City after a 0-0 draw at the KC Stadium.
This was followed by further league defeats at Blackburn Rovers, now managed by Fat Sam Allardyce, and Manchester City.
Then a second embarrassing derby defeat of the season was avoided only when Shola Ameobi converted a controversial penalty to equalise.
A win eventually arrived in the disposing of rock-bottom West Brom 3-2 away on a day when their defence turned out to be even worse than ours.
But the three points came at the cost of Kinnear's health as his well-known heart problem once again reared its ugly head.
Ashley, who had clearly not prepared for such an eventuality, placed Chris Hughton and another former failed Forest boss Colin Calderwood in charge.
But, after taking charge of the win at the Hawthorns, they oversaw just two further points from the next five matches.
Encouraging losses against Manchester United and Arsenal (when United should have been 2-0 ahead before collapsing after 60 minutes) were offset by a meek loss at Bolton (0-1) and more dropped points against Hull City (1-1).
Then, on the eve of April Fools Day, Newcastle United shocked the country once again by appointing Alan Shearer as their fourth manager of the season until the end of the campaign.
Shearer faced a tough first match against Chelsea and the same failings were evident.
Having got in level against top-four opposition for the third match, United went on to lose the second half.
A potentially crushing loss at Stoke City was avoided when Andy Carroll headed home with less than ten minutes to go to give Shearer his first point.
But a 1-0 loss at Spurs was followed by two further matches without a goal - a 0-0 stalemate against Portsmouth and a 3-0 defeat to Liverpool which could have been much worse.
An eight-day break allowed United to build up to their biggest match since 1992 - against Middlesbrough.
For once, the players performed with Mark Viduka in particularly inspired form to help United come from behind to beat Boro 3-1.
But still Newcastle went down. A tame 1-0 home loss against Fulham was followed up by a final-day whimper against Aston Villa by the same score.
Thanks to the constant favours of the other incompetent teams, an equaliser in either match would have kept Newcastle up.
But with a clueless board, an inexperienced manager and a bunch of gutless players, it was never going to happen.
The following players made more than nine appearances for the club during the 2008/09 relegation season:
(1) SHAY GIVEN 4.5/10 -
26 appearances
Unsurprisingly disgruntled with the 5-1 home defeat to Liverpool despite the latest of so many man-of-the-match performances over the years. But could also be seen as abandoning ship prematurely.
(2) FABRICIO COLOCCINI 1/10 -
37 appearances
An absolutely dreadful signing for £10m. Started reasonably in the opening matches but could not cope with the pressure of a relegation battle after his confidence was destroyed by that Liverpool defeat.
(3) JOSE ENRIQUE 4/10 -
27 appearances (including one as sub)
A much improved player this season with more attacking flair and defensive solidity. Still has the irritating tendency to waste some good positions with poor distribution, however.
(4) KEVIN NOLAN 2.5/10 -
10 appearances (including one as sub)
The highly-regarded signing of the ex-Bolton captain failed to improve United's woeful midfield running, except for the match against Boro. Overall, he replicated his performance at St James for Bolton early in the season (when he missed a penalty) over and over again. Ridiculous tackle in getting sent off against Everton.
(7) JOEY BARTON 1/10 -
9 appearances (including three as sub), 1 goal
In hindsight (which is a wonderful thing), should have been ditched after his brutal assault in Liverpool last Christmas. A thug who has been able to show little of his apparent talent since arriving at the club due to injury/suspension/jail terms. Stupidly sent off against Liverpool, denying him a chance to redeem himself in the run-in.
(8) DANNY GUTHRIE 3/10 -
26 appearances (including three as sub), 2 goals
possibly the best crosser of a ball at the club as demonstrated on the opening day for Martins' goal at Old Trafford and again at Boro. He is horribly inconsistent, though, and suffered the same malaise in being unable to pass the ball properly, especially against Portsmouth.
(9) OBAFEMI MARTINS 2/10 -
24 appearances (including three as sub), 8 goals
A terrible finisher as shown with his penalty against Arsenal, and his ballooned shots against Spurs, Portsmouth and Villa on the final day. Unforgivably, he went AWOL against Stoke away.
(10) MICHAEL OWEN 2.5/10 -
31 appearances (including seven as sub), 10 goals
Unlucky with injuries early in his Toon career and the saviour of last season with seven goals in the last nine matches. Also started this season well and ends the campaign as top scorer but he finished with one goal in 17 and, arguably, looked less and less interested as each game passed.
(11) DAMIEN DUFF 2.5/10 -
32 appearances (including two as sub), 3 goals.
Even discounting the own goal which sent us down, Duff has disappointed with his strange inability as a winger to cross and his weak shots. Scored what seemed like useful goals against Everton, Spurs and West Brom. Better than some midfielders on the books but that's not saying much.
(12) SEBASTIEN BASSONG 4.5/10 -
34 appearances (including four as sub)
A second successive relegation for the young Frenchman after going down with Metz last season. But this was barely merited for one of the more consistent performers this season. But he was sent off twice (harshly against Wigan) and seemed to get turned by his marker at times.
(13) STEVE HARPER 3/10 -
15 appearances
Unexpectedly became No1 after the depature of Given in January and did OK. But he has major weaknesses in that he struggles even more than Given to control his box on crosses and his distribution is too slow and frequently inaccurate.
(14) CHARLES N'ZOGBIA 2/10 -
22 appearances (including four as sub), 2 goals
Fell out with Joe Kinnear in dramatic style after being called 'Insomnia' in an interview. His languid style and lack of goals made this an easy accusation but he had regularly been played out of position at left back.
(16) RYAN TAYLOR 1.5/10 -
10 appearances (including two as sub)
Arrived with great expectations on set plays after four goals for Wigan against United. Another player who struggled to feel the pressure/live up to the hype, failing to deliver anything of Premier League standard, except possibly for the West Brom away win.
(18) JONAS GUTTIEREZ 2.5/10 -
33 appearances (including eight as sub)
A major problem when a winger who cannot cross or shoot ends up being a main hope. Provided three assists and no goals all season yet remained a talent simply for the face he was one of the few midfielders willing to run at the opposition.
(20) GEREMI 1/10 -
17 appearances (including four as sub)
An indictment of Sam Allardyce's reign. Big Fat Sam signed him last season and made him captain despite the fact that he can barely run. Incredibly, this season, he became slower. A disgrace to his profession.
(21) HABIB BEYE 4.5/10 -
24 appearances (including one as sub)
A cruel season for Beye - unfairly sent off against Manchester City (later rescinded), horribly injured against Wigan, terribly unlucky to score an own goal against Boro then unfortunate to miss the last day. Still highly regarded widely considered as the best defender at the club since Woodgate.
(22) NICKY BUTT 1/10 -
36 appearances
Quite simply, yesterday's man. He provided some of the worst attempts at long balls the club will have seen in its history. Also, let's not forget, costly at the back - conceded pens against Hull (h) and Everton (a), and that free-kick against the mackems, as well as being sent off against Blackburn.
(23) SHOLA AMEOBI 1.5/10 -
20 appearances (including six as sub), 4 goals
Looked to have recovered his standing yet again having been on loan in the Championship during 07/08 when he played with decent heart in the home wins against West Brom and Villa. Amazingly rewarded with a contract after which he reverted to type, producing a series of lazy performances summed up by his terrible shot against Villa (United's last of the season) and the basic mistake in failing to mark Faye at a corner v Stoke away.
(24) PETER LOVENKRANDS 2.5/10 -
11 appearances (including four as sub), 3 goals
Became somewhat of a cult hero after giving United the lead at home to Man Utd. Also scored some useful goals against West Brom and Middlesbrough. But he was anonymous when he started at Anfield and on the last day against Villa. Also the first to demand a move away from the club (via his agent's statement) after relegation.
(27) STEVEN TAYLOR 4/10 -
28 appearances (including two as sub), 4 goals
Improved his game in the second half of the season, cutting out many of his silly mistakes. Scored four goals (third-top scorer) from the back against Everton, West Brom, Hull and Boro. Produced a fantastic defensive performance against Arsenal before being forced off by injury when it all went wrong.
(36) MARK VIDUKA 2.5/10 -
11 appearances (including six as sub)
Failed to score all season and somehow made 11 appearances despite spending most of his time injured. Proved useful in the home wins against Spurs and Boro but will always be considered as a HUGE waste of space.
(39) ANDY CARROLL 2/10 -
16 appearances (including ten as sub), 3 goals
Often did well when he was called upon, saving draws against West Ham and at Stoke City. But still hard to tell in his overall performance whether he has the quality of a top-level striker.
Note:
Marks are capped at 5/10 as I cannot bear to give any player over half marks after this dreadful campaign.
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