Premier League
Table
CHELSEA stayed top of the Premier League by a point from Manchester United who dealt a severe blow to Arsenal's title-winning chances with a 3-1 win at the Emirates.
The Blues were expected to struggle in January with the loss of five players, including Didier Drogba, to the African Nations Cup.
But they retain a narrow lead after successive wins against Sunderland (7-2), Birmingham City (3-0) and Burnley (2-1) in which John Terry ended a troubled week with a late winner.
United's win against Arsenal keeps Sir Alex Ferguson's men in touch, though they have played a game more than their rivals from Stamford Bridge.
Wayne Rooney scored the vital second goal after a lung-busting run and his good form has helped United recover from their shock FA Cup exit to Leeds United at Old Trafford.
Since then, Ferguson's men have beaten Burnley (3-0) and Hull City (4-0) with Rooney scoring all four against the hapless Tigers. United also overcame Manchester City in the Carling Cup semi finals.
Arsenal have now lost all three games played so far this season against Chelsea and United.
The Gunners are five points adrift of Chelsea having played a game more with a vital clash at Stamford Bridge next Sunday.
Tottenham Hotspur still lead the race for fourth but only by a point after a stuttering month in which they have won just once in the league.
Frustrating draws with Hull and Birmingham were bad enough for Spurs but it could be that the loss against Liverpool will be most damaging at the end of the season.
The 2-0 win for Liverpool leaves the Reds just one point behind Spurs, though away draws with Stoke City and Wolverhampton Wanderers show inconsistency remains.
And so, it is Manchester City, who are also a point behind Spurs, are favourites for fourth with their two games in hand.
Seventh-placed Aston Villa are just two points away from fourth with a game in hand of their own.
But while Villa may have beaten Blackburn Rovers 7-4 on aggregate to reach the Carling Cup final, Martin O'Neill team have struggled in front of goal in the league, going four games without a goal until a 2-0 win against Fulham.
Portsmouth stay bottom in a sorry state on just 15 points after a 2-0 defeat against Manchester City.
That was Pompey's 15th league defeat of the season from 22 games and it came after news that their players had not been paid on time yet again, a fourth such occurrence.
The rest of the bottom of the table is a lot tighter with a single point separating five teams.
Hull City, without a win in nine league games, and Burnley, without a win in 12, are in the relegation zone on 20 points with three others above them on 21 points.
The fate of the Clarets looks particularly ominous with just one point and two goals from their last six Premier League matches and three consecutive defeats for new manager Brian Laws.
Of course, former Sheffield Wednesday manager Laws replaced Owen Coyle at Turf Moor after Coyle was lured to save Bolton Wanderers from a place in the bottom three.
Coyle lost his two opening league games, home and away to Arsenal, but gained a vital 1-0 win away at Burnley to rub salt in the wounds. The Trotters also have a game in hand on all their rivals.
Wolves and West Ham United, like Bolton, are a point outside of the drop zone and neither team look likely to pull away any time soon.
Wolves have taken just two points from nine while the Hammers have drawn three in a row.
Wigan Athletic, two points clear of relegation on 22, and Sunderland, on 23 points, could yet be sucked into the battle to stay up.
The Championship
Table
NEWCASTLE UNITED failed to take advantage of second-placed Nottingham Forest's incredible unbeaten run being brought to an end by bitter rivals Derby County.
The Magpies drew 0-0 with ten-man Leicester City for their fourth draw in the last six league games.
At least the stalemate was enough to put Chris Hughton's men on 56 points and extended their own unbeaten record to 14 league games, but this will undoubtedly be seen as a chance missed.
Forest are four points behind Newcastle, though they have played a game more.
The gap has closed after a run of 19 games - 13 wins and six draws - without defeat, a best for any team in The Championship for this season.
The performances in the streak seemed to get better and better with clear highlights in a 3-1 win over promotion rivals West Bromwich Albion and a 5-0 thumping of Queens Park Rangers.
But it all came to an end in the local derby as Billy Davies' men lost to his former employers at Pride Park.
That allowed third-placed West Brom to close back up on Forest to two points with a game in hand after a 3-1 win against Sheffield United.
The Baggies needed that win after recent form of just two points from nine with draws against Ipswich Town and Newcastle, and a home defeat against Forest.
A gap of five points to fourth-placed Cardiff City who recently rediscovered their form with a 6-0 thumping away at Bristol City after a series of disappointing draws.
Welsh rivals Swansea City are three points further back in fifth, the antithesis of the free-scoring Bluebirds.
A 1-0 win against Leicester was followed by two tight draws against Middlesbrough and Coventry City to keep the Swans in the hunt.
Sheffield United sit in the final playoff spot at the moment on 41 points with Blackpool continuing to threaten, just one point behind, and Leicester in eighth, just two behind.
The Foxes have a game in hand on United but their form is not great. Nigel Pearson's men have taken just two points from their last 12.
Crystal Palace also looked likely to be challenging for a top-six spot before being hit by a 10-point penalty for going into administration.
The deduction now leaves Palace just four points clear of the relegation zone, though at least they started their battle to beat the drop with a win against rock-bottom Peterborough United.
Palace could not have asked for an easier fixture, really. Posh have taken just one point out of 18 as Mark Cooper continues to struggle since his appointment in November.
Cooper's men have rarely looked capable at Championship level this season, and they are now 11 points adrift of safety.
Paul Mariner's Plymouth Argyle remain in trouble, second bottom and five points adrift of safety, after a 2-1 loss to Sheffield Wednesday who have really picked up since Alan Irvine came in.
Former Preston boss Irvine has led Wednesday to four wins, all of them by a 2-1 score, out of five games and hauled the Owls five points clear of the drop.
Reading remain in trouble, though, currently filling the final relegation place on 26 points but at least newly-installed permanent manager Brian McDermott managed a first league win in eight to close the gap on Ipswich.
The Tractor Boys' frustrating season continues after a 2-0 loss at Preston leaves them just three points clear of the bottom three.
League One
Table
NORWICH CITY are the new leaders of League One after they took advantage of Leeds United's cup distractions to overhaul the Yorkshire club's comfortable lead.
The Canaries beat Hartlepool United 2-1 on Saturday for their eighth consecutive win and a club record 11th home win in a row, putting them on 63 points from 29 games.
Leeds are still just three points behind in second with two games in hand but Simon Grayson's men could only take one point from the three matches which immediately followed their win at Old Trafford.
At least the 2-0 win against fourth-placed Colchester United in their most recent game has steadied some jangling nerves and Grayson's men are still well-placed.
That is because third-placed Charlton Athletic are five points behind on 55 points having played a game more.
The Addicks are not in the best form having taken just one point from their two recent games against lowly Tranmere Rovers (1-1) and Leyton Orient (0-1).
If anything, though, the south Londoners are hardly feeling the heat from Colchester. That 2-0 loss to Leeds for the Us followed an embarrassing 7-0 cup loss and a 5-0 thumping from Norwich.
Only a 2-0 win over playoff rivals Milton Keynes Dons has given Aidy Boothroyd anything recent to cheer.
Swindon Town are in fifth on 48 points, just a point behind Colchester with a game in hand. The Robins are a side in good league form with five wins and two draws from the last seven games.
Millwall are sixth on 46 points having only lost to Norwich since the start of December, and winning four of their last five games.
Huddersfield Town are just a point behind the Lions, however, with two games in hand.
Lee Clark's men are still unbeaten at home though they have yet to face any of the current top six at the Galpharm Stadium.
At the bottom, Stockport County finally ended their nightmare run of 12 successive losses with two draws in a row against Carlisle United and Brighton.
Another draw against Southampton looked possible before two late goals for the mid table Saints meant normal service was resumed for the hapless Hatters, who are 12 points from safety.
Wycombe Wanderers recorded their first league win for nine games against Bristol Rovers to give themselves a fighting chance of staying in the division.
But, although the Chairboys are just five points from safety, they have already played 29 games, more than all of their rivals.
Tranmere Rovers are third bottom, two points from safety, thanks mainly to their awful form at the start of the season.
Recent results include a 2-1 win against Yeovil Town and a 1-1 draw at Charlton to suggest there is plenty of hope for a Rovers recovery.
Oldham Athletic fill the final relegation place, above Tranmere on goal difference only, after a run of just six points from 33.
But the Latics have games in hand on all the teams above them, including two games on fifth-bottom Brighton on 28 points, three games on Gillingham on 29 points, and four games on Exeter City on 30 points.
Of those three teams, Gillingham are in the worst form with just one win in the last 10 games, and no away wins all season.
League Two
Table
ROCHDALE retained a solid lead at the top of League Two despite a 1-0 loss to third-placed Bury and second-placed Bournemouth beating Rotherham United.
The Dale are still four points clear of the Cherries on 56 points from 28 games having suffered their first loss in 12 league matches to the Shakers.
Bournemouth have stuttered in recent times as a result of their smaller squad and lost three consecutive games in the first part of January.
But a 2-1 away win at Crewe Alexandra has given young manager Eddie Howe's side renewed confidence as demonstrated by coming from a goal behind against Rotherham to win 3-1.
The Millers remain in contention for an automatic promotion slot despite the defeat.
Ronnie Moore's men may be seven points adrift of Bournemouth and three away from Bury but they have games in hand on both after being hit particularly badly by the weather.
Indeed, Rotherham did not play any fixtures for five-and-a-half weeks after 12th December. Only rock-bottom Darlington were hit by postponements to an equal extent.
Bury have taken advantage of their rival's lack of games to rise to third place and the final automatic spot with a run of 16 points from 18, including that win over fellow Lancashire side Rochdale.
But it is the Notts County soap opera which has intrigued most outsiders about League Two this season - and it threatens to have a happy ending.
Through to the last 16 of the FA Cup for the first time in 18 years, the Magpies are still well-placed in the league under their third manager of the campaign, Dave Kevan.
Convincing wins against Dagenham & Redbridge (3-0) and Barnet (2-0) continued an excellent recent run of just one loss in 10 league and cup games.
This puts County in fifth on 43 points from 24 games, five points behind Bury but with three games in hand.
Inconsistency from Shrewsbury Town - sixth on 42 points from 28 games - and Chesterfield - seventh on 42 points from 27 games - have given the chasing pack plenty of encouragement.
The Shrews and the Spirites have a win, a draw and a loss from each of their last three games, meaning their current residence in a playoff spot is far from secure.
But with eighth-placed Aldershot Town on a similar run and ninth-placed Dagenham playing even worse, it is looking like tenth-placed Accrington Stanley will be the team to take advantage.
Stanley have returned to league action with two excellent wins - against rivals Shrewsbury and Aldershot - after a month due to postponements and, of course, their cup exploits.
Those wins meant Stanley have won six of their last seven league games in a run stretching back to the start of December.
The streak puts them on 39 points, just three off the playoffs, and they are another team with several games in hand, having played just 24 so far.
Rock bottom Darlington have also played only 24 matches but it is looking doubtful that any amount of games in hand could save the Quakers.
Steve Staunton's men caused a shock when beating promotion-chasing Rotherham in both clubs' first game for five weeks. The win took Darlington to 11 points from 22 matches.
But the basement club have since returned to type, losing their last two games to Crewe and Northampton Town to flounder 14 points adrift of safety.
Second-bottom Grimsby Town have also been in the relegation zone for months and, although 10 of their last 13 games have been drawn, no wins in 19 matches is a more telling statistic.
The Mariners last won in the league in mid-September. As such, they are on just 20 points from 27 games - that is five points fewer and one game more than third-bottom Cheltenham Town.
Blue Square Premier
Table
STEVENAGE BOROUGH took advantage of a slight Oxford United wobble to take top spot in the Blue Square Premier but the Us still command the better position.
Boro won both their January games in a month where the fixture list was ravaged by the weather, while Oxford suffered a freak 1-0 loss at home against Tamworth Town.
It means Stevenage, on 60 points from 28 games, lead Oxford by a point but the Us have the benefit of two games in hand.
Third-placed York City cannot be ruled out of the running for an automatic return to the league just yet.
The Minstermen's run of nine consecutive league wins came to an end at Histon in a 1-1 draw but Martin Foyle's team are just four points adrift of Stevenage after two-thirds of the season.
Fourth and fifth place are filled by Mansfield Town, on 50 points, and Kettering Town, on 48 points, respectively.
AFC Wimbledon, Rushden & Diamonds and Luton Town are all just two points outside the playoffs on 46 points. Luton have two games in hand on Kettering.
At the bottom, Chester City are still on negative points - minus three - after two January losses extended their painful run to one point from 27.
Second bottom Grays Athletic are also in trouble after their two January losses made it five defeats on the bounce, leaving them on 17 points and nine adrift of safety.
Gateshead are another team in poor form with three consecutive league defeats without a goal causing them to slip to third bottom on 22 points, four adrift of safety.
One of the Tynesiders recent losses was to Forest Green Rovers who, having spent most of the first part of the season in the relegation zone, are now looking most likely to get out.
Rovers are still in the drop zone on 26 points but that is level with Eastbourne Borough and just a point behind Ebbsfleet United. Rovers have two games in hand on United.
Barrow, currently on 28 points, are also in within catching distance but their FA Cup and Trophy successes leave the Cumbrian team with plenty of games in hand with which to get out of any trouble.
FA Cup Fourth Round
ARSENAL followed Manchester United and Liverpool out of the Cup after a 3-1 defeat to Stoke City at the Britannia Stadium.
Ricardo Fuller struck twice for the Potters before Dean Whitehead scored with four minutes left to seal the win after Denilson had given the Gunners hope.
But this was a deserved win for Stoke who have opened up this competition even further after the third round exits of Manchester United and Liverpool.
Manchester United lost 1-0 to Leeds United at Old Trafford while Liverpool were beaten 2-1 in extra time in a replay against Reading.
Cup holders Chelsea are certainly not shedding tears at their rivals' early exits.
The Blues strolled into the fifth round with an easy 2-0 win against Preston North End at Deepdale with goals from Nicolas Anelka and Daniel Sturridge.
Meanwhile, after their Carling Cup KO against city rivals United, Manchester City will also look to go far and always looked to have too much in reserve against Scunthorpe United in a 4-2 away win.
Other highlights of the fourth round included replays for Notts County and Leeds against Premier League sides Wigan Athletic and Tottenham Hotspur respectively.
The only other fourth round replay will be between Crystal Palace and Wolverhampton Wanderers after Wolves rescued a 2-2 draw with a late goal at Molineux.
Reading also continued their remarkable run, which is completely out of keeping with their league form, by beating Burnley 1-0 at home.
But, for Accrington Stanley and Brighton, the dream of a Wembley Cup final is over for another year.
Stanley fought hard to be level at half time but Darran Kempson's sending off just before the interval allowed top flight Fulham to take control and run out 3-1 winners.
Brighton also enjoyed parity at Villa Park at half time but early second half goals from Ashley Young and Fabian Delph killed off the tie before Nicky Forster's late consolation for the Seagulls.
Troubled south coast pair Portsmouth and Southampton both progressed. Pompey were 2-1 winners against out-of-sorts Sunderland while Southampton beat Ipswich Town by the same score. Now they will meet in the plum tie of the fifth round.
Birmingham City continued their impressive campaign with a 2-1 away win at Everton while Owen Coyle recorded his first win as Bolton Wanderers manager in a 2-0 home success against Sheffield United.
In the three all-Championship ties, West Brom beat Newcastle United 4-2, Cardiff City beat Leicester City by the same score with two late goals, and Derby County beat Doncaster Rovers 1-0 at home.
Results:
Saturday
Accrington Stanley 1-3 Fulham, Aston Villa 3-2 Brighton & Hove Albion, Bolton Wanderers 2-0 Sheffield United, Cardiff City 4-2 Leicester City, Derby County 1-0 Doncaster Rovers, Everton 1-2 Birmingham City, Notts County 2-2 Wigan Athletic, Portsmouth 2-1 Sunderland, Preston North End 0-2 Chelsea (ITV1), Reading 1-0 Burnley (FA.com), Southampton 2-1 Ipswich Town, Tottenham Hotspur 2-2 Leeds United (ITV1), West Bromwich Albion 4-2 Newcastle United, Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-2 Crystal Palace
Sunday
Scunthorpe United 2-4 Manchester City, Stoke City 3-1 Arsenal (both ITV1)
Replays:
Crystal Palace 3-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers (ITV4)
Wigan Athletic 0-2 Notts County
Leeds United 1-3 Tottenham Hotspur (ITV1)
Revised FA Cup Fifth Round Draw
Crystal Palace v Aston Villa (ITV)
Manchester City v Stoke City (ITV)
Derby County v Birmingham City
Bolton Wanderers v Tottenham Hotspur (ITV)
Chelsea v Cardiff City (FA.com)
Fulham v Notts County
Reading v West Bromwich Albion
Southampton v Portsmouth (ITV)
Ties to be played on 13-14 February.
Sunday 31 January 2010
Thursday 28 January 2010
Five live drive
IF AT FIRST you don't succeed, then try, try again.
That maxim has never seemed more appropriate to me than yesterday, the day of my fifth driving test - and success at last.
After four failures in the months running up to Christmas 2009, I made it a resolution to pass as quickly as I could in the new year.
The snowy weather meant I had little practice over the holiday season and so I moved this attempt back from 13th January to two weeks' later.
The extra time was spent doing a few more hours of practice but, just like previously, I was still nervous when test day arrived.
A final practice on the morning of the test with instructor David Convery settled me down and I succeeded in tidying up my manoeuvres, most particularly the reverse parallel park.
The test itself began at 12.43 under leaden skies though the roads were dry.
From the Gateshead test centre on Wellington Road in Dunston, I went straight on to the A1 for four miles to the West Road roundabout.
I made my way down the West Road and turned left at the Co-operative store crossroads into an estate where I performed my first manoeuvre - reverse round a curved corner.
Just pulling into stop before the manoeuvre, I showed my first real sign of nerves when I clumsily clipped the kerb after coming over a speed hump. This earned me one of just four minors on my test sheet.
Nevertheless, the curved corner manoeuvre went well and after some more estate driving, I was soon heading back to the test centre via the same crossroads and the A1 again.
I took the Dunston turn-off having still not done a second manoeuvre.
But, straight after the slip road, my confusion disappeared as I pulled into Beech Drive to do a reverse parallel park.
The morning practice paid dividends and I parked behind a white van without a problem.
It was then just a case of holding my nerve to get round the final few corners to the test centre.
When I arrived, I pulled into the parking bays aware that I had made no major mistakes. But I could not let myself believe it until the examiner said: "Peter, I'm pleased to say you've passed."
At that moment, the pent-up adrenaline suddenly surged and I leapt from the front seat to give a bear hug to David, my thrilled instructor.
My persistence had finally paid off. I had done it at last. I had given Millie the Micra a worthy owner.
Diary of a learner driver
November 2005
Applied for and received a provisional licence
January 2006
Took six hours of tuition but decided against learning to drive after fast losing confidence from early struggles with control of the car.
2009:
March 13
Passed theory test with 50/50 on the questions and 56/75 on hazard perception.
June 12
First assessment drive for two hours with instructor David Convery.
June 15-16
First crisis of confidence, a result of struggling with control of the car and clutch control in particular. David encouraged me to persist.
June 23
Last lesson before a break before Glastonbury Festival. After gaining some control of the car, I was introduced to some major roads and roundabouts.
July 6
Belated first lesson for almost two weeks after hiatus for Glastonbury Festival where I lost my spectacles causing a further delay.
July 31
Second crisis of confidence, regarding roundabouts in particular. My lack of understanding about which traffic affected me almost caused an accident and David applied the dual controls. I doubted once again if I could ever become a driver.
August 26
A major improvement on roundabouts raised my standard to test level but my observations were still quite poor and, with just a few corners to go before the end of the test, I failed my first attempt when attempting to turn right at a crossroads despite the presence of oncoming traffic.
September 26
A holiday in Portugal followed the first failed test, lasting until September 7. The bad nature of the failure provoked a third crisis of confidence and I decided to avoid the subject of driving for a while. I stopped contacting David, my instructor, until he sent a thought-provoking email. It pointed out that I had already invested a lot of time and money into passing my test over the summer, and that I really was not that far away.
October 12
I decided to continue but my driving confidence needed to be rebuilt as this was my first time back in a car for over six weeks.
October 29
Confidence was quickly restored thanks to some excellent tuition and I took my second test. I failed surprisingly on a turn in the road, despite this being my best/the easiest manoeuvre. Once again, my observations let me down.
October 31
The disappointment of a second failure was eased by the purchase of my very own car - a 2003 Nissan Micra Tempest in metallic blue, christened Millie by the previous owners.
November 25
A third test but a fourth crisis of confidence which ultimately killed off any chance of success. I put a lot of pressure on myself as I thought that I really ought to pass having narrowly failed on the previous occasions. This self-imposed stress and a poor body clock combined to give me hardly any sleep and it was no surprise when my thought-process failed towards the end of the test, leading me to choose the wrong lane on a roundabout.
December 16
After a few sessions of practice, I took a fourth test in much-improved spirits after a decent night of sleep. Unfortunately, I failed to clear a roundabout quickly enough having chosen to move off, and my last chance of passing before the holiday season was gone.
2010:
January 12-13
January 13th was the original date for my first attempt in 2010 but the wintry conditions meant I had not done any practice and I moved the test back two weeks. In the meantime, I took a few more lessons including some experience of driving on what ice remained on January 12th.
January 27
A fifth test and, finally, success. Persistence paid off and at last I got to tear up the L-plates. Instead, I attached some 'new driver' P-plates and completed a first 'independent' drive, a short trip to pick up my mother from work.
That maxim has never seemed more appropriate to me than yesterday, the day of my fifth driving test - and success at last.
After four failures in the months running up to Christmas 2009, I made it a resolution to pass as quickly as I could in the new year.
The snowy weather meant I had little practice over the holiday season and so I moved this attempt back from 13th January to two weeks' later.
The extra time was spent doing a few more hours of practice but, just like previously, I was still nervous when test day arrived.
A final practice on the morning of the test with instructor David Convery settled me down and I succeeded in tidying up my manoeuvres, most particularly the reverse parallel park.
The test itself began at 12.43 under leaden skies though the roads were dry.
From the Gateshead test centre on Wellington Road in Dunston, I went straight on to the A1 for four miles to the West Road roundabout.
I made my way down the West Road and turned left at the Co-operative store crossroads into an estate where I performed my first manoeuvre - reverse round a curved corner.
Just pulling into stop before the manoeuvre, I showed my first real sign of nerves when I clumsily clipped the kerb after coming over a speed hump. This earned me one of just four minors on my test sheet.
Nevertheless, the curved corner manoeuvre went well and after some more estate driving, I was soon heading back to the test centre via the same crossroads and the A1 again.
I took the Dunston turn-off having still not done a second manoeuvre.
But, straight after the slip road, my confusion disappeared as I pulled into Beech Drive to do a reverse parallel park.
The morning practice paid dividends and I parked behind a white van without a problem.
It was then just a case of holding my nerve to get round the final few corners to the test centre.
When I arrived, I pulled into the parking bays aware that I had made no major mistakes. But I could not let myself believe it until the examiner said: "Peter, I'm pleased to say you've passed."
At that moment, the pent-up adrenaline suddenly surged and I leapt from the front seat to give a bear hug to David, my thrilled instructor.
My persistence had finally paid off. I had done it at last. I had given Millie the Micra a worthy owner.
Diary of a learner driver
November 2005
Applied for and received a provisional licence
January 2006
Took six hours of tuition but decided against learning to drive after fast losing confidence from early struggles with control of the car.
2009:
March 13
Passed theory test with 50/50 on the questions and 56/75 on hazard perception.
June 12
First assessment drive for two hours with instructor David Convery.
June 15-16
First crisis of confidence, a result of struggling with control of the car and clutch control in particular. David encouraged me to persist.
June 23
Last lesson before a break before Glastonbury Festival. After gaining some control of the car, I was introduced to some major roads and roundabouts.
July 6
Belated first lesson for almost two weeks after hiatus for Glastonbury Festival where I lost my spectacles causing a further delay.
July 31
Second crisis of confidence, regarding roundabouts in particular. My lack of understanding about which traffic affected me almost caused an accident and David applied the dual controls. I doubted once again if I could ever become a driver.
August 26
A major improvement on roundabouts raised my standard to test level but my observations were still quite poor and, with just a few corners to go before the end of the test, I failed my first attempt when attempting to turn right at a crossroads despite the presence of oncoming traffic.
September 26
A holiday in Portugal followed the first failed test, lasting until September 7. The bad nature of the failure provoked a third crisis of confidence and I decided to avoid the subject of driving for a while. I stopped contacting David, my instructor, until he sent a thought-provoking email. It pointed out that I had already invested a lot of time and money into passing my test over the summer, and that I really was not that far away.
October 12
I decided to continue but my driving confidence needed to be rebuilt as this was my first time back in a car for over six weeks.
October 29
Confidence was quickly restored thanks to some excellent tuition and I took my second test. I failed surprisingly on a turn in the road, despite this being my best/the easiest manoeuvre. Once again, my observations let me down.
October 31
The disappointment of a second failure was eased by the purchase of my very own car - a 2003 Nissan Micra Tempest in metallic blue, christened Millie by the previous owners.
November 25
A third test but a fourth crisis of confidence which ultimately killed off any chance of success. I put a lot of pressure on myself as I thought that I really ought to pass having narrowly failed on the previous occasions. This self-imposed stress and a poor body clock combined to give me hardly any sleep and it was no surprise when my thought-process failed towards the end of the test, leading me to choose the wrong lane on a roundabout.
December 16
After a few sessions of practice, I took a fourth test in much-improved spirits after a decent night of sleep. Unfortunately, I failed to clear a roundabout quickly enough having chosen to move off, and my last chance of passing before the holiday season was gone.
2010:
January 12-13
January 13th was the original date for my first attempt in 2010 but the wintry conditions meant I had not done any practice and I moved the test back two weeks. In the meantime, I took a few more lessons including some experience of driving on what ice remained on January 12th.
January 27
A fifth test and, finally, success. Persistence paid off and at last I got to tear up the L-plates. Instead, I attached some 'new driver' P-plates and completed a first 'independent' drive, a short trip to pick up my mother from work.
Monday 25 January 2010
Burns Night
Address to a Haggis
Rabbie Burns
1786
Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the pudding-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm :
Weel are ye wordy o'a grace
As lang's my arm.
The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o'need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.
His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An' cut you up wi' ready sleight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin', rich!
Then, horn for horn, they stretch an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
Bethankit! hums.
Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad make her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?
Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as wither'd rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash;
His nieve a nit;
Thro' bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!
But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs an' arms, an' heads will sned,
Like taps o' thrissle.
Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer
Gie her a haggis!
Great chieftain o' the pudding-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm :
Weel are ye wordy o'a grace
As lang's my arm.
The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o'need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.
His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An' cut you up wi' ready sleight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin', rich!
Then, horn for horn, they stretch an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
Bethankit! hums.
Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad make her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?
Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as wither'd rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash;
His nieve a nit;
Thro' bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!
But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs an' arms, an' heads will sned,
Like taps o' thrissle.
Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer
Gie her a haggis!
Wednesday 20 January 2010
One year on, Obama's approval plummets
WHAT a difference a year makes!
On 20th January last year, Barack Obama was inaugurated as the 44th President of the United States of America, having beaten John McCain in the election in November 2008.
After 100 days, Mr Obama's approval remained high - only President Ronald Reagan had higher figures at that stage.
But with his latest rating now as low as 49%, Mr Obama is the least popular President at the one-year stage since President Dwight D. Eisenhower in the 1950s.
The Democrats are suffering and this was no more amply shown than in last night's Senate election in Massachusetts.
The seat has been vacant since the death of Ted Kennedy, the elder brother of President John F. Kennedy who was also a Massachusetts man.
Yet Massachusetts chose Scott Brown, their first Republican senator since 1972, and his victory causes Mr Obama a major headache.
It means that the Democrats are now one vote short of the 60 required for any bill to be passed into law - and Mr Obama still needs the Senate to approve of his healthcare plans.
So, where has it all gone wrong?
Firstly, Mr Obama inherited many of his problems - most notably, a horrendous deficit, worsened by two costly foreign wars, and a recession which has sent the unemployment level soaring above 10%.
In fact, Mr Obama's approval figures compare favourably against President Reagan when the United States was gripped by a recession of the early 1980s.
President Reagan, of course, went on to win a second term and remained widely popular after the end of his tenure.
Going back to Mr Obama and it would be fair to say that he has hardly been helped by certain factions within his own party.
Many Democrats were upset that he beat Hillary Clinton to the candidacy in the first place. Some have demanded concession in return for supporting a now watered down healthcare bill.
It seems inexplicable that access to healthcare in the United States is not universal and that 30 million of its citizens have no health insurance.
Surely, treatment for injury or illness is a human right, not a privilege dependant on your wealth. Some Americans just don't seem to get it.
Mr Obama has been slated for the healthcare bill - derided as a Marxist even though this is patently not the case. To me, he is only trying to implement something which should have been in place decades ago.
Indeed, the ignorance regarding Mr Obama defies belief sometimes.
The Guardian's Gary Younge attended a public meeting and took an unscientific straw poll of 14 people in the coal-mining area of Lexington in Kentucky.
Younge writes: "Half believed Obama is a Muslim, just one thought he's a Christian and the overwhelming majority thought he was a communist, socialist and Marxist.
"None believe that he was born in America, most said they did not know."
Those views do not say much for the ability of the US media to get across even the most basic facts.
But why waste time doing that if it is going to cut into time used for forwarding their own agenda?
Rupert Murdoch-owned Fox News, stridently right-wing and so naturally opposed to Mr Obama, are most guilty of this.
Some of its presenters, like Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck, do not read the news but use the studio in prime-time to broadcast their views and rile public opinion.
Mr Obama was never going to win over these people, and he never will.
So far, this review has provided plenty of mitigating factors for the President but he must take a share of the blame himself.
Having been in the Senate for less than three years, many Democrats worried about Mr Obama's inexperience during his election campaign.
He certainly seems to have shown some naivety over how quickly he would be able to get his bills passed through House and Senate.
He has missed self-imposed deadlines on the healthcare bill and the closing of the Guantanamo Bay compound.
Frankly, at times, his deadline failures have made him come across as just another politician who cannot keep his promises.
Mr Obama deserves credit for realigning the United States more favourably on the worldwide stage after the divisive administration of President George W Bush.
Whereas President Bush refused to be part of the Kyoto agreement in cutting greenhouse gases, it was heartening to see the United States at the centre of the recent talks in Copenhagen.
But the Hollywood-style public appearances abroad have understandably irked Americans struggling with the recession.
Indeed, the adulation did become quite ludicrous when Mr Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize despite announcing that another 30,000 troops would be sent to Afghanistan.
Considering all this, it is important at this stage to remember that Mr Obama still has time to make a positive impression in his presidency.
Plenty of his predecessors have recovered from a slow start and, once the economy improves, his approval rating will increase again.
Even a compromise healthcare bill will give more security to the lives of millions of Americans while Mr Obama undoubtedly hopes the increase in troops will resolve the war in Afghanistan.
The Democrats may have disappointingly lost their Senate majority but Mr Obama still has plenty of cards in hand to make his a memorable presidency.
On 20th January last year, Barack Obama was inaugurated as the 44th President of the United States of America, having beaten John McCain in the election in November 2008.
After 100 days, Mr Obama's approval remained high - only President Ronald Reagan had higher figures at that stage.
But with his latest rating now as low as 49%, Mr Obama is the least popular President at the one-year stage since President Dwight D. Eisenhower in the 1950s.
The Democrats are suffering and this was no more amply shown than in last night's Senate election in Massachusetts.
The seat has been vacant since the death of Ted Kennedy, the elder brother of President John F. Kennedy who was also a Massachusetts man.
Yet Massachusetts chose Scott Brown, their first Republican senator since 1972, and his victory causes Mr Obama a major headache.
It means that the Democrats are now one vote short of the 60 required for any bill to be passed into law - and Mr Obama still needs the Senate to approve of his healthcare plans.
So, where has it all gone wrong?
Firstly, Mr Obama inherited many of his problems - most notably, a horrendous deficit, worsened by two costly foreign wars, and a recession which has sent the unemployment level soaring above 10%.
In fact, Mr Obama's approval figures compare favourably against President Reagan when the United States was gripped by a recession of the early 1980s.
President Reagan, of course, went on to win a second term and remained widely popular after the end of his tenure.
Going back to Mr Obama and it would be fair to say that he has hardly been helped by certain factions within his own party.
Many Democrats were upset that he beat Hillary Clinton to the candidacy in the first place. Some have demanded concession in return for supporting a now watered down healthcare bill.
It seems inexplicable that access to healthcare in the United States is not universal and that 30 million of its citizens have no health insurance.
Surely, treatment for injury or illness is a human right, not a privilege dependant on your wealth. Some Americans just don't seem to get it.
Mr Obama has been slated for the healthcare bill - derided as a Marxist even though this is patently not the case. To me, he is only trying to implement something which should have been in place decades ago.
Indeed, the ignorance regarding Mr Obama defies belief sometimes.
The Guardian's Gary Younge attended a public meeting and took an unscientific straw poll of 14 people in the coal-mining area of Lexington in Kentucky.
Younge writes: "Half believed Obama is a Muslim, just one thought he's a Christian and the overwhelming majority thought he was a communist, socialist and Marxist.
"None believe that he was born in America, most said they did not know."
Those views do not say much for the ability of the US media to get across even the most basic facts.
But why waste time doing that if it is going to cut into time used for forwarding their own agenda?
Rupert Murdoch-owned Fox News, stridently right-wing and so naturally opposed to Mr Obama, are most guilty of this.
Some of its presenters, like Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck, do not read the news but use the studio in prime-time to broadcast their views and rile public opinion.
Mr Obama was never going to win over these people, and he never will.
So far, this review has provided plenty of mitigating factors for the President but he must take a share of the blame himself.
Having been in the Senate for less than three years, many Democrats worried about Mr Obama's inexperience during his election campaign.
He certainly seems to have shown some naivety over how quickly he would be able to get his bills passed through House and Senate.
He has missed self-imposed deadlines on the healthcare bill and the closing of the Guantanamo Bay compound.
Frankly, at times, his deadline failures have made him come across as just another politician who cannot keep his promises.
Mr Obama deserves credit for realigning the United States more favourably on the worldwide stage after the divisive administration of President George W Bush.
Whereas President Bush refused to be part of the Kyoto agreement in cutting greenhouse gases, it was heartening to see the United States at the centre of the recent talks in Copenhagen.
But the Hollywood-style public appearances abroad have understandably irked Americans struggling with the recession.
Indeed, the adulation did become quite ludicrous when Mr Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize despite announcing that another 30,000 troops would be sent to Afghanistan.
Considering all this, it is important at this stage to remember that Mr Obama still has time to make a positive impression in his presidency.
Plenty of his predecessors have recovered from a slow start and, once the economy improves, his approval rating will increase again.
Even a compromise healthcare bill will give more security to the lives of millions of Americans while Mr Obama undoubtedly hopes the increase in troops will resolve the war in Afghanistan.
The Democrats may have disappointingly lost their Senate majority but Mr Obama still has plenty of cards in hand to make his a memorable presidency.
Tuesday 19 January 2010
Brooker's back with Newswipe
SATIRICAL columnist and presenter Charlie Brooker returns tonight with a second series of Newswipe, the current affairs offshoot from television review show Screenwipe.
Except for links when Brooker is sat behind a big desk in a mock up of a news studio, Newswipe is presented in much the same way as Screenwipe.
Brooker more commonly sits on his own on a sofa with a single camera in what purports to be his flat, providing a scathing commentary on the media's coverage of news events.
In his Guardian column prior to the first series of Newswipe last year, Brooker explained that the show was "not aimed at political junkies... [but] at people like me - average types who feel like they've fallen behind and are a touch ashamed about it".
As a matter of fact, overlooking the occasional intentional vulgarity, some of the critical analysis in the actual content would not look out of place in an academic thesis.
In fact, it could be argued that Brooker sheds more of the light of truth on the industry than any higher educational establishment ever has.
Brooker focuses mainly on broadcasting and the struggles of 24-hour news channels to fill all the hours of the day.
In the first series, broadcast in March and April, this was no more evident than when heavy February snowfall led the BBC News Channel to use thousands of public photographs to fill air-time.
He also criticised the widespread use of ludicrous gimmicks to explain complex subjects, such as the collapse of the economy. And he despaired at the pointlessness of some graphics showing meaningless percentages.
There was analysis of the media's treatment of grief and, in particular, the growing emphasis on emotion rather than facts ever since the death of Princess Diana in 1997.
This kind of reporting was widespread in all media forms after reality television's Jade Goody died.
According to Brooker, the tabloid newspapers "made a U-turn so big, it was visible from space". OK! magazine shamefully even went so far as to produce a tribute edition while she was still alive.
Another part of the series showed how rolling news coverage missed the point of the majority of the G20 protesters, and missed the biggest story of them all - the death of Ian Tomlinson.
Tomlinson died of a heart attack shortly after being shoved to the ground by an overzealous police officer as he made his way home from work through the protests.
Despite saturation coverage, it took footage from a person's mobile phone and rare "good, old-fashioned" investigative reporting to reveal the story in The Guardian.
Recently, Brooker has become more of a mainstream commentator with more television reviews on his Channel 4 series, You Have Been Watching, in summer 2009.
He also appeared alongside David Mitchell on C4's annual Big Fat Quiz Of The Year over Christmas.
Of course, there is nothing necessarily wrong with Brooker getting his voice heard on a more recognisable channel than BBC4.
But most of his fans would agree that he is at his best on Newswipe/Screenwipe when slouched behind the desk or on the sofa, slagging off the latest incredulous media own goal.
Newswipe with Charlie Brooker is on BBC4 at 10.30pm. Find out more about the upcoming series on his Twitter account, here.
Except for links when Brooker is sat behind a big desk in a mock up of a news studio, Newswipe is presented in much the same way as Screenwipe.
Brooker more commonly sits on his own on a sofa with a single camera in what purports to be his flat, providing a scathing commentary on the media's coverage of news events.
In his Guardian column prior to the first series of Newswipe last year, Brooker explained that the show was "not aimed at political junkies... [but] at people like me - average types who feel like they've fallen behind and are a touch ashamed about it".
As a matter of fact, overlooking the occasional intentional vulgarity, some of the critical analysis in the actual content would not look out of place in an academic thesis.
In fact, it could be argued that Brooker sheds more of the light of truth on the industry than any higher educational establishment ever has.
Brooker focuses mainly on broadcasting and the struggles of 24-hour news channels to fill all the hours of the day.
In the first series, broadcast in March and April, this was no more evident than when heavy February snowfall led the BBC News Channel to use thousands of public photographs to fill air-time.
He also criticised the widespread use of ludicrous gimmicks to explain complex subjects, such as the collapse of the economy. And he despaired at the pointlessness of some graphics showing meaningless percentages.
There was analysis of the media's treatment of grief and, in particular, the growing emphasis on emotion rather than facts ever since the death of Princess Diana in 1997.
This kind of reporting was widespread in all media forms after reality television's Jade Goody died.
According to Brooker, the tabloid newspapers "made a U-turn so big, it was visible from space". OK! magazine shamefully even went so far as to produce a tribute edition while she was still alive.
Another part of the series showed how rolling news coverage missed the point of the majority of the G20 protesters, and missed the biggest story of them all - the death of Ian Tomlinson.
Tomlinson died of a heart attack shortly after being shoved to the ground by an overzealous police officer as he made his way home from work through the protests.
Despite saturation coverage, it took footage from a person's mobile phone and rare "good, old-fashioned" investigative reporting to reveal the story in The Guardian.
Recently, Brooker has become more of a mainstream commentator with more television reviews on his Channel 4 series, You Have Been Watching, in summer 2009.
He also appeared alongside David Mitchell on C4's annual Big Fat Quiz Of The Year over Christmas.
Of course, there is nothing necessarily wrong with Brooker getting his voice heard on a more recognisable channel than BBC4.
But most of his fans would agree that he is at his best on Newswipe/Screenwipe when slouched behind the desk or on the sofa, slagging off the latest incredulous media own goal.
Newswipe with Charlie Brooker is on BBC4 at 10.30pm. Find out more about the upcoming series on his Twitter account, here.
Sunday 17 January 2010
Feeble finish to a winter mix of fortitude and fortune
BRITTLE England collapsed for the second time in four days in Johannesburg as South Africa deservedly levelled the Test series at 1-1.
England were unable even to match their first innings effort of 180, this time being bowled out for 169, to lose the fourth Test by an innings and 74 runs.
It was a disappointing, though not unexpected, conclusion to the series, which ended up with an appealing symmetry of two narrow draws and one big win each.
A prelude to England's uncharacteristic tail-end resistance came last summer when James Anderson and number 11 Monty Panesar held out for 11.3 overs to draw the first Ashes Test.
The personnel had changed by the first Test of this series in Centurion but the situation was identical as Paul Collingwood and Durham team-mate Graham Onions survived a combined total of 19 deliveries.
Again, just like last summer, buoyant England used the momentum from somehow saving the first Test by winning the second match easily.
Graeme Swann took his second five-for in successive Tests, and nine wickets in the match, as the hosts were bowled out for 343 and then just 133 runs.
Alastair Cook (118) and Ian Bell (140) responded to their critics by scoring centuries under severe pressure as England racked up 574-9dec to win by an innings.
In the third Test in Cape Town, England were again on the back-foot and, incredibly, saved a draw with a last-wicket stand for a third time in six months.
After South Africa gained a lead of just 18 runs from the first innings, Proteas captain Graeme Smith (183) then took the match away from the tourists in the second innings.
England were given the notional task of a world record fourth innings chase of 466 runs to win and seal the series.
But early wickets left England on 160-5 and looking for the draw at best. Collingwood - as solid as ever - and Bell, who was returning to some of his best form, looked set to save the match comfortably.
They enjoyed a stand of 112 for the sixth wicket which took the innings beyond tea on the final day - but, of course, there was to be a twist.
Four wickets fell for 18 runs to leave England perilously on 290-9 with Swann and, once again, Onions at the crease.
But the pair survived 17 balls to give England another great escape and leave the South Africans visibly demoralised.
So, it was to Smith's credit that his team went out and utterly dominated the final Test despite losing the toss.
England elected to bat in the humid conditions and paid dearly by being bowled out for 180.
Only a stand of 76 from Collingwood (47) and Bell (35) provided much to cheer before an entertaining cameo from Swann who scored at exactly a run-per-ball for his 27.
Smith then took centre stage to score another century as South Africa declared on 423-7.
By the end of the third day, England had been reduced to 48-3 with two full days of batting required to save another draw.
Indeed, it proved much easier than expected for the Proteas who wrapped up the win before lunch on the fourth day.
Collingwood (71) offered resistance yet again but he has been badly let down by his team-mates all series and no other batsman scored more than 22 runs in the second innings.
Jonathan Trott and captain Andrew Strauss had extremely poor averages of 27.14 and 24.28 from seven innings but the most concern has been reserved for Kevin Pietersen.
Pietersen managed just 177 runs all series, 121 of which came in the first Test, as he recorded an overall average of 25.28. His average in the final three Tests was 11.2.
As expected, controversy dogged the series and added extra spice to an evenly-fought contest.
In the third Test, Smith accused England of ball-tampering and Stuart Broad was shown to stop the ball with the spikes of his boot.
But, while Broad's actions were naive at best, Smith hardly improved his own reputation by not following up his claims with an official complaint.
Skipper Strauss denied any wrongdoing and said the suggestions of cheating were "malicious".
It was Strauss' turn to get riled in the fourth Test after Smith earned an early reprieve before compiling his century despite the review system being in place.
Gaffe-prone third umpire Daryl Harper was accused of failing to turn up the speaker volume which seemed to indicate contact between bat and ball with Smith caught behind.
But, while England and Wales Cricket Board chairman Giles Clarke described the incident as "a shambles", Strauss - to his credit - refused to blame the heavy loss on the review system.
Back to the cricket, and given their impressive record at saving draws, it would be fair to say that this England team has more fortitude than some previous sides.
Even down the order, the likes of Swann and Broad can bat a bit to keep the scoreboard ticking over, while Anderson and Onions are adept at blocking.
But the fourth Test shows that England cannot simply rely on the tail-enders saving match after match.
As a team, England can be satisfied by their results on a tour in which they were considered second-favourites.
Both the Test series and the T20 matches ended in 1-1 draws, and England won the ODIs 2-1 with two matches were lost to rain.
When the losses came on this tour, though, they were heavy defeats.
And with so many batsmen out of form less than year before the Ashes are defended, it is hard to be too optimistic about England's chances of retaining the urn.
England enjoyed a pleasant mix of fortitude and fortune this winter.
To stand any chance next winter, both will be once again required to beat Australia. On past evidence, both are usually in short supply over there.
ENGLAND IN SOUTH AFRICA 2009-10 RESULTS
Twenty20 Internationals
Series tied 1-1
13 Nov England 202-6 beat South Africa 127-3 (13ovs) by 1 run (D/L)
15 Nov South Africa 241-6 beat England 157-8 by 84 runs
One Day Internationals
England won series 2-1
20 Nov Match abandoned due to rain
22 Nov England 252-3 beat South Africa 250-9 by seven wickets
27 Nov South Africa 354-6 beat England 242 by 112 runs
29 Nov England 121-3 beat South Africa 119 by seven wickets
4 Dec Match abandoned due to rain
Test series
Series tied 1-1
16-20 Dec South Africa 418 & 301-7dec drew with England 356 & 228-9
26-30 Dec England 574-9dec beat South Africa 343 & 133
3-7 Jan South Africa 291 & 447-7dec drew with England 273 & 296-9
14-18 Jan South Africa 423-7dec beat England 180 & 169
Full scorecards available from the BBC Sport website.
England were unable even to match their first innings effort of 180, this time being bowled out for 169, to lose the fourth Test by an innings and 74 runs.
It was a disappointing, though not unexpected, conclusion to the series, which ended up with an appealing symmetry of two narrow draws and one big win each.
A prelude to England's uncharacteristic tail-end resistance came last summer when James Anderson and number 11 Monty Panesar held out for 11.3 overs to draw the first Ashes Test.
The personnel had changed by the first Test of this series in Centurion but the situation was identical as Paul Collingwood and Durham team-mate Graham Onions survived a combined total of 19 deliveries.
Again, just like last summer, buoyant England used the momentum from somehow saving the first Test by winning the second match easily.
Graeme Swann took his second five-for in successive Tests, and nine wickets in the match, as the hosts were bowled out for 343 and then just 133 runs.
Alastair Cook (118) and Ian Bell (140) responded to their critics by scoring centuries under severe pressure as England racked up 574-9dec to win by an innings.
In the third Test in Cape Town, England were again on the back-foot and, incredibly, saved a draw with a last-wicket stand for a third time in six months.
After South Africa gained a lead of just 18 runs from the first innings, Proteas captain Graeme Smith (183) then took the match away from the tourists in the second innings.
England were given the notional task of a world record fourth innings chase of 466 runs to win and seal the series.
But early wickets left England on 160-5 and looking for the draw at best. Collingwood - as solid as ever - and Bell, who was returning to some of his best form, looked set to save the match comfortably.
They enjoyed a stand of 112 for the sixth wicket which took the innings beyond tea on the final day - but, of course, there was to be a twist.
Four wickets fell for 18 runs to leave England perilously on 290-9 with Swann and, once again, Onions at the crease.
But the pair survived 17 balls to give England another great escape and leave the South Africans visibly demoralised.
So, it was to Smith's credit that his team went out and utterly dominated the final Test despite losing the toss.
England elected to bat in the humid conditions and paid dearly by being bowled out for 180.
Only a stand of 76 from Collingwood (47) and Bell (35) provided much to cheer before an entertaining cameo from Swann who scored at exactly a run-per-ball for his 27.
Smith then took centre stage to score another century as South Africa declared on 423-7.
By the end of the third day, England had been reduced to 48-3 with two full days of batting required to save another draw.
Indeed, it proved much easier than expected for the Proteas who wrapped up the win before lunch on the fourth day.
Collingwood (71) offered resistance yet again but he has been badly let down by his team-mates all series and no other batsman scored more than 22 runs in the second innings.
Jonathan Trott and captain Andrew Strauss had extremely poor averages of 27.14 and 24.28 from seven innings but the most concern has been reserved for Kevin Pietersen.
Pietersen managed just 177 runs all series, 121 of which came in the first Test, as he recorded an overall average of 25.28. His average in the final three Tests was 11.2.
As expected, controversy dogged the series and added extra spice to an evenly-fought contest.
In the third Test, Smith accused England of ball-tampering and Stuart Broad was shown to stop the ball with the spikes of his boot.
But, while Broad's actions were naive at best, Smith hardly improved his own reputation by not following up his claims with an official complaint.
Skipper Strauss denied any wrongdoing and said the suggestions of cheating were "malicious".
It was Strauss' turn to get riled in the fourth Test after Smith earned an early reprieve before compiling his century despite the review system being in place.
Gaffe-prone third umpire Daryl Harper was accused of failing to turn up the speaker volume which seemed to indicate contact between bat and ball with Smith caught behind.
But, while England and Wales Cricket Board chairman Giles Clarke described the incident as "a shambles", Strauss - to his credit - refused to blame the heavy loss on the review system.
Back to the cricket, and given their impressive record at saving draws, it would be fair to say that this England team has more fortitude than some previous sides.
Even down the order, the likes of Swann and Broad can bat a bit to keep the scoreboard ticking over, while Anderson and Onions are adept at blocking.
But the fourth Test shows that England cannot simply rely on the tail-enders saving match after match.
As a team, England can be satisfied by their results on a tour in which they were considered second-favourites.
Both the Test series and the T20 matches ended in 1-1 draws, and England won the ODIs 2-1 with two matches were lost to rain.
When the losses came on this tour, though, they were heavy defeats.
And with so many batsmen out of form less than year before the Ashes are defended, it is hard to be too optimistic about England's chances of retaining the urn.
England enjoyed a pleasant mix of fortitude and fortune this winter.
To stand any chance next winter, both will be once again required to beat Australia. On past evidence, both are usually in short supply over there.
ENGLAND IN SOUTH AFRICA 2009-10 RESULTS
Twenty20 Internationals
Series tied 1-1
13 Nov England 202-6 beat South Africa 127-3 (13ovs) by 1 run (D/L)
15 Nov South Africa 241-6 beat England 157-8 by 84 runs
One Day Internationals
England won series 2-1
20 Nov Match abandoned due to rain
22 Nov England 252-3 beat South Africa 250-9 by seven wickets
27 Nov South Africa 354-6 beat England 242 by 112 runs
29 Nov England 121-3 beat South Africa 119 by seven wickets
4 Dec Match abandoned due to rain
Test series
Series tied 1-1
16-20 Dec South Africa 418 & 301-7dec drew with England 356 & 228-9
26-30 Dec England 574-9dec beat South Africa 343 & 133
3-7 Jan South Africa 291 & 447-7dec drew with England 273 & 296-9
14-18 Jan South Africa 423-7dec beat England 180 & 169
Full scorecards available from the BBC Sport website.
Thursday 7 January 2010
Big freeze hits personal plans
HEAVY snow and weeks of freezing weather have paralysed Britain and put all sorts of best laid plans to waste, including my own.
Newcastle United's trip to Reading has been postponed along with matches at Preston, Sheffield Wednesday and Watford in The Championship.
Only a handful of lower league games and matches in Scotland remain on at the moment.
The cold snap could not have come at a more inopportune time for me from a football perspective as I had intended to go to the match at the Madejski Stadium.
It was going to be my first away trip following the Toon since a Kevin Keegan-led team surrendered meekly to a 3-0 defeat against Liverpool in March 2008.
But the postponement now means the match is likely to be moved to midweek, making it much less likely that I will be able to attend.
At least the decision was understandable, and indeed expected, given that ongoing reports from Berkshire have suggested even the main roads in the area are at times impassable.
The early call also ensured that there are not hundreds of wasted car journeys as up to 4,000 Newcastle fans had expected to pack out the away end.
Unfortunately, I had already booked train tickets and so I still intend to use them and visit a friend in the area... as long as I can get there tomorrow.
My continued use of public transport comes as a direct result of still not yet being able to drive after several practical test failures in the second half of 2009.
The desire to pass has made my New Year Resolution for 2010 easy enough.
But having seen experienced drivers struggle in the conditions, and with heavy snow showers on Tyneside expected to last until the middle of next week, I have chosen to delay my next attempt until the end of the month.
This has, of course, made me reliant on the service provided by Go North East buses - and I must take this opportunity to give the company some rare praise.
Go North East has done exactly what you want from a transport company in this weather, though its operations have not been helped by the councils inexplicably running short of grit.
Bus drivers have shown courage and endeavour in providing as many services as close to timetable as possible.
Best of all, information on route changes, delays and cancellations has been regularly updated on the company's Facebook page since the snow started to fall.
In Tyneside, that was way back on 16th December, and while the weather is not quite unprecedented, this amount of snow has not been seen in Britain for 30 years.
At its deepest in Aviemore in the Scottish Highlands, 44cm (17.3in) has fallen. Temperatures as low as -20 degrees Celsius have been recorded.
There have been reports of panic buying in supermarkets and fears of gas shortages. The weight of ice has pulled down power lines, cutting off electricity to thousands of homes.
Tragically, the freezing conditions and hazardous state of the roads have killed at least 22 people across the country.
It puts my disappointment over the postponed football into perspective.
Newcastle United's trip to Reading has been postponed along with matches at Preston, Sheffield Wednesday and Watford in The Championship.
Only a handful of lower league games and matches in Scotland remain on at the moment.
The cold snap could not have come at a more inopportune time for me from a football perspective as I had intended to go to the match at the Madejski Stadium.
It was going to be my first away trip following the Toon since a Kevin Keegan-led team surrendered meekly to a 3-0 defeat against Liverpool in March 2008.
But the postponement now means the match is likely to be moved to midweek, making it much less likely that I will be able to attend.
At least the decision was understandable, and indeed expected, given that ongoing reports from Berkshire have suggested even the main roads in the area are at times impassable.
The early call also ensured that there are not hundreds of wasted car journeys as up to 4,000 Newcastle fans had expected to pack out the away end.
Unfortunately, I had already booked train tickets and so I still intend to use them and visit a friend in the area... as long as I can get there tomorrow.
My continued use of public transport comes as a direct result of still not yet being able to drive after several practical test failures in the second half of 2009.
The desire to pass has made my New Year Resolution for 2010 easy enough.
But having seen experienced drivers struggle in the conditions, and with heavy snow showers on Tyneside expected to last until the middle of next week, I have chosen to delay my next attempt until the end of the month.
This has, of course, made me reliant on the service provided by Go North East buses - and I must take this opportunity to give the company some rare praise.
Go North East has done exactly what you want from a transport company in this weather, though its operations have not been helped by the councils inexplicably running short of grit.
Bus drivers have shown courage and endeavour in providing as many services as close to timetable as possible.
Best of all, information on route changes, delays and cancellations has been regularly updated on the company's Facebook page since the snow started to fall.
In Tyneside, that was way back on 16th December, and while the weather is not quite unprecedented, this amount of snow has not been seen in Britain for 30 years.
At its deepest in Aviemore in the Scottish Highlands, 44cm (17.3in) has fallen. Temperatures as low as -20 degrees Celsius have been recorded.
There have been reports of panic buying in supermarkets and fears of gas shortages. The weight of ice has pulled down power lines, cutting off electricity to thousands of homes.
Tragically, the freezing conditions and hazardous state of the roads have killed at least 22 people across the country.
It puts my disappointment over the postponed football into perspective.
Wednesday 6 January 2010
Hoon and Hewitt have left it far too late
PRIME Minister Gordon Brown faced yet another challenge to his authority after former Cabinet ministers Geoff Hoon and Patricia Hewitt called for a secret ballot on his leadership.
A letter from Mr Hoon and Ms Hewitt to their colleagues demanded that the issue is sorted out "once and for all" ahead of the next general election.
It is a further devastating blow for Mr Brown who looked certain to be leading Labour into the election, which must be held by June this year at the latest.
The Prime Minister endured a disastrous week last June when a string of ministers resigned and Labour suffered heavy defeats in the local and European elections.
But he then seemed to steady his position in the short-term with a reshuffle which brought Peter Mandelson back into government as Secretary of State for Business, Skills and Innovation.
Now Mr Hoon and Ms Hewitt have caused a stir by putting their doubts over Mr Brown's leadership into the public.
With just a couple of months to go before the country goes to the polls, this is an unprecedented point at which to spark a leadership crisis.
When Margaret Thatcher was forced to resign in 1990, new Prime Minister John Major had two years to turn the Conservative party around.
He succeeded, winning a wholly unexpected overall majority in the 1992 general election.
Of course, Mr Major faced his own vote of confidence in 1995 but again that was almost a full two years before the 1997 election.
But, while the timing may odd, the figures at the forefront are predictable. Mr Hoon and Ms Hewitt have nothing to lose by doing this.
They are both on the political sidelines and Ms Hewitt is in fact retiring at the next election.
Neither has endorsed an alternative leader but, at the same time, neither MP has made any secret of their desire to end the Brown era.
But, if anything, their plot has come almost a year too late. If there was any desire throughout the party to remove Mr Brown, it would have happened last summer in that disastrous week.
Secretary of State for Work and Pensions James Purnell quit, stating in a letter to The Sun and The Times newspapers that he had lost confidence in Mr Brown.
Mr Purnell allayed some of the Prime Minister's fears by saying he was acting alone and this was confirmed to be the case when none of the usual rebel MPs managed to present a candidate of their own.
The Cabinet did not collapse and the chance was lost. At this point, the rebels should have agreed to fight the coming general election with Mr Brown whether or not they liked being left - or lumbered, perhaps - with him in charge.
It is clear already that this attempt to overthrow Mr Brown will not succeed. The Prime Minister's aides can easily cast Mr Hoon and Ms Hewitt as outsiders and failed ministers, even.
Mr Hoon struggled as Defence Secretary at the height of the Iraq war while Ms Hewitt was an unpopular Health Secretary among NHS staff.
Their plan to have a secret ballot is not concordant with the Labour leadership election rules, and they do not have Cabinet support or, indeed, widespread support in the Parliamentary party.
By their actions, Mr Hoon and Ms Hewitt have done nothing but damage the Labour party and their own cause as rebels.
Once again, Labour has appeared to be self-obsessed at the same time as the freezing weather brings the country to a standstill.
A text to Radio Five Live described today's events as being like the script from the next series of Armando Ianucci's brilliant political satire The Thick Of It.
But, for once, even Malcolm Tucker might have been rendered speechless by this ill-timed farce.
A letter from Mr Hoon and Ms Hewitt to their colleagues demanded that the issue is sorted out "once and for all" ahead of the next general election.
It is a further devastating blow for Mr Brown who looked certain to be leading Labour into the election, which must be held by June this year at the latest.
The Prime Minister endured a disastrous week last June when a string of ministers resigned and Labour suffered heavy defeats in the local and European elections.
But he then seemed to steady his position in the short-term with a reshuffle which brought Peter Mandelson back into government as Secretary of State for Business, Skills and Innovation.
Now Mr Hoon and Ms Hewitt have caused a stir by putting their doubts over Mr Brown's leadership into the public.
With just a couple of months to go before the country goes to the polls, this is an unprecedented point at which to spark a leadership crisis.
When Margaret Thatcher was forced to resign in 1990, new Prime Minister John Major had two years to turn the Conservative party around.
He succeeded, winning a wholly unexpected overall majority in the 1992 general election.
Of course, Mr Major faced his own vote of confidence in 1995 but again that was almost a full two years before the 1997 election.
But, while the timing may odd, the figures at the forefront are predictable. Mr Hoon and Ms Hewitt have nothing to lose by doing this.
They are both on the political sidelines and Ms Hewitt is in fact retiring at the next election.
Neither has endorsed an alternative leader but, at the same time, neither MP has made any secret of their desire to end the Brown era.
But, if anything, their plot has come almost a year too late. If there was any desire throughout the party to remove Mr Brown, it would have happened last summer in that disastrous week.
Secretary of State for Work and Pensions James Purnell quit, stating in a letter to The Sun and The Times newspapers that he had lost confidence in Mr Brown.
Mr Purnell allayed some of the Prime Minister's fears by saying he was acting alone and this was confirmed to be the case when none of the usual rebel MPs managed to present a candidate of their own.
The Cabinet did not collapse and the chance was lost. At this point, the rebels should have agreed to fight the coming general election with Mr Brown whether or not they liked being left - or lumbered, perhaps - with him in charge.
It is clear already that this attempt to overthrow Mr Brown will not succeed. The Prime Minister's aides can easily cast Mr Hoon and Ms Hewitt as outsiders and failed ministers, even.
Mr Hoon struggled as Defence Secretary at the height of the Iraq war while Ms Hewitt was an unpopular Health Secretary among NHS staff.
Their plan to have a secret ballot is not concordant with the Labour leadership election rules, and they do not have Cabinet support or, indeed, widespread support in the Parliamentary party.
By their actions, Mr Hoon and Ms Hewitt have done nothing but damage the Labour party and their own cause as rebels.
Once again, Labour has appeared to be self-obsessed at the same time as the freezing weather brings the country to a standstill.
A text to Radio Five Live described today's events as being like the script from the next series of Armando Ianucci's brilliant political satire The Thick Of It.
But, for once, even Malcolm Tucker might have been rendered speechless by this ill-timed farce.
Saturday 2 January 2010
The magic of the Cup (and other assorted cliches)...
THE FIRST weekend in January means it is time for the commentators with cliches to come out and remind us of the magic of the cup.
Football commentary relies on the use of cliche generally but FA Cup Third Round day is a special occasion to which its usage applies particularly heavily.
It is, of course, a day where the Davids of the football world attempt to slay the Goliaths in acts of giant-killing, and a day where non-league players will have the biggest day of their lives.
Unfortunately, the draw was not kind to the television executives looking for big upsets or references to plumbers and painters, notwithstanding that most Blue Square Premier clubs are now full time.
Of the three remaining non league clubs, Forest Green play on Sunday and the two others - Barrow and York City - are away to Premier League clubs with shiny new stadia, Stoke City and Sunderland.
Indeed, with the postponements at Accrington and Brentford, there is hardly any chance of a commentator being able to wheel out descriptions of compact grounds and uneven pitches.
At least, the wintry weather means we may hear about blankets of snow being a great leveller in ties between teams from different divisions.
But a disappointing draw for the neutral has predictably led to ITV choosing three of the Premier League 'big four' for coverage.
There are arguments in favour of coverage for each of their choices, of course.
Liverpool's nightmare first half to the season means the Cup is now of utmost importance to them while Leeds United travel to Old Trafford for the first time since 2004.
The West Ham-Arsenal tie will evoke memories in older supporters of the 1980 Final when a replay of the rare Trevor Brooking header that won the Cup for the Hammers has become another Cup cliche in itself.
For Premier League strugglers Bolton Wanderers and Portsmouth, winners in 2008, home ties against Lincoln City and Coventry City could be the start of cup runs which serve as a nice distraction from the toils of a relegation battle.
But if any team placed in a critical position in the league fails, they will be able to concentrate on the league, which is, after all, the bread and butter.
Other top flight teams, such as Everton and Fulham, will be favourites to win at home with professional performances against Carlisle United and Swindon Town respectively.
There could be an upset in those ties, however, as the form book goes out of the window and there is every chance a lower league team manager could delight in 'getting them back to our place' for a replay.
At least a replay ensures a team gets in the hat for the next round and a step closer on the road to Wembley.
FA Cup Third Round ties
Television/internet games
Sat: Bristol City P-P Cardiff City (12.30pm, FA.com)
Sat: Reading 1-1 Liverpool (5.15pm, ITV)
Sun: Manchester United 0-1 Leeds United (1.15pm, ITV)
Sun: West Ham United 1-2 Arsenal (4.15pm, ITV)
Sun: Tranmere Rovers 0-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers (6.15pm, FA.com)
Other ties (Saturday, 3pm):
Accrington Stanley P-P Gillingham
Aston Villa 3-1 Blackburn Rovers
Blackpool 1-2 Ipswich Town
Bolton Wanderers 4-0 Lincoln City
Brentford P-P Doncaster Rovers
Everton 3-1 Carlisle United
Fulham 1-0 Swindon Town
Huddersfield Town 0-2 West Bromwich Albion
Leicester City 2-1 Swansea City
Middlesbrough 0-1 Manchester City
Millwall 1-1 Derby County
Milton Keynes Dons 1-2 Burnley
Nottingham Forest 0-0 Birmingham City
Plymouth Argyle 0-0 Newcastle United
Portsmouth 1-1 Coventry City
Preston North End 7-0 Colchester United
Scunthorpe United 1-0 Barnsley
Sheffield Wednesday 1-2 Crystal Palace
Southampton 1-0 Luton Town
Stoke City 3-1 York City
Sunderland 3-0 Barrow
Torquay United 0-1 Brighton & Hove Albion
Tottenham Hotspur 4-0 Peterborough United
Wigan Athletic 4-1 Hull City
Other ties (Sunday, 3pm):
Chelsea 5-0 Watford
Notts County P-P Forest Green Rovers
Sheffield United 1-1 Queens Park Rangers
Rearranged ties:
Accrington Stanley 1-0 Gillingham
Brentford 0-1 Doncaster Rovers
Bristol City 1-1 Cardiff City
Notts County 2-1 Forest Green Rovers
FA Cup Third Round replays
Birmingham City 1-0 Nottingham Forest
Coventry City 1-2 Portsmouth [aet] (7.45pm, ITV)
Derby County 1-1 Millwall [aet, 5-3 to Derby on penalties]
Queens Park Rangers 2-3 Sheffield United
Liverpool 1-2 Reading [aet] (8pm, ITV)
Newcastle United 3-0 Plymouth Argyle
Cardiff City 1-0 Bristol City
Revised FA Cup Fourth Round draw
Southampton v Ipswich Town
Reading v Burnley
Derby County v Doncaster Rovers
Cardiff City v Leicester City
Stoke City v Arsenal
Notts County v Wigan Athletic
Scunthorpe United v Manchester City
West Bromwich Albion v Newcastle United
Everton v Birmingham City
Accrington Stanley v Fulham
Bolton Wanderers v Sheffield United
Portsmouth v Sunderland
Preston North End v Chelsea
Aston Villa v Brighton & Hove Albion
Wolverhampton Wanderers v Crystal Palace
Tottenham Hotspur v Leeds United
*Ties played on 23/24 January 2010
Football commentary relies on the use of cliche generally but FA Cup Third Round day is a special occasion to which its usage applies particularly heavily.
It is, of course, a day where the Davids of the football world attempt to slay the Goliaths in acts of giant-killing, and a day where non-league players will have the biggest day of their lives.
Unfortunately, the draw was not kind to the television executives looking for big upsets or references to plumbers and painters, notwithstanding that most Blue Square Premier clubs are now full time.
Of the three remaining non league clubs, Forest Green play on Sunday and the two others - Barrow and York City - are away to Premier League clubs with shiny new stadia, Stoke City and Sunderland.
Indeed, with the postponements at Accrington and Brentford, there is hardly any chance of a commentator being able to wheel out descriptions of compact grounds and uneven pitches.
At least, the wintry weather means we may hear about blankets of snow being a great leveller in ties between teams from different divisions.
But a disappointing draw for the neutral has predictably led to ITV choosing three of the Premier League 'big four' for coverage.
There are arguments in favour of coverage for each of their choices, of course.
Liverpool's nightmare first half to the season means the Cup is now of utmost importance to them while Leeds United travel to Old Trafford for the first time since 2004.
The West Ham-Arsenal tie will evoke memories in older supporters of the 1980 Final when a replay of the rare Trevor Brooking header that won the Cup for the Hammers has become another Cup cliche in itself.
For Premier League strugglers Bolton Wanderers and Portsmouth, winners in 2008, home ties against Lincoln City and Coventry City could be the start of cup runs which serve as a nice distraction from the toils of a relegation battle.
But if any team placed in a critical position in the league fails, they will be able to concentrate on the league, which is, after all, the bread and butter.
Other top flight teams, such as Everton and Fulham, will be favourites to win at home with professional performances against Carlisle United and Swindon Town respectively.
There could be an upset in those ties, however, as the form book goes out of the window and there is every chance a lower league team manager could delight in 'getting them back to our place' for a replay.
At least a replay ensures a team gets in the hat for the next round and a step closer on the road to Wembley.
FA Cup Third Round ties
Television/internet games
Sat: Bristol City P-P Cardiff City (12.30pm, FA.com)
Sat: Reading 1-1 Liverpool (5.15pm, ITV)
Sun: Manchester United 0-1 Leeds United (1.15pm, ITV)
Sun: West Ham United 1-2 Arsenal (4.15pm, ITV)
Sun: Tranmere Rovers 0-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers (6.15pm, FA.com)
Other ties (Saturday, 3pm):
Accrington Stanley P-P Gillingham
Aston Villa 3-1 Blackburn Rovers
Blackpool 1-2 Ipswich Town
Bolton Wanderers 4-0 Lincoln City
Brentford P-P Doncaster Rovers
Everton 3-1 Carlisle United
Fulham 1-0 Swindon Town
Huddersfield Town 0-2 West Bromwich Albion
Leicester City 2-1 Swansea City
Middlesbrough 0-1 Manchester City
Millwall 1-1 Derby County
Milton Keynes Dons 1-2 Burnley
Nottingham Forest 0-0 Birmingham City
Plymouth Argyle 0-0 Newcastle United
Portsmouth 1-1 Coventry City
Preston North End 7-0 Colchester United
Scunthorpe United 1-0 Barnsley
Sheffield Wednesday 1-2 Crystal Palace
Southampton 1-0 Luton Town
Stoke City 3-1 York City
Sunderland 3-0 Barrow
Torquay United 0-1 Brighton & Hove Albion
Tottenham Hotspur 4-0 Peterborough United
Wigan Athletic 4-1 Hull City
Other ties (Sunday, 3pm):
Chelsea 5-0 Watford
Notts County P-P Forest Green Rovers
Sheffield United 1-1 Queens Park Rangers
Rearranged ties:
Accrington Stanley 1-0 Gillingham
Brentford 0-1 Doncaster Rovers
Bristol City 1-1 Cardiff City
Notts County 2-1 Forest Green Rovers
FA Cup Third Round replays
Birmingham City 1-0 Nottingham Forest
Coventry City 1-2 Portsmouth [aet] (7.45pm, ITV)
Derby County 1-1 Millwall [aet, 5-3 to Derby on penalties]
Queens Park Rangers 2-3 Sheffield United
Liverpool 1-2 Reading [aet] (8pm, ITV)
Newcastle United 3-0 Plymouth Argyle
Cardiff City 1-0 Bristol City
Revised FA Cup Fourth Round draw
Southampton v Ipswich Town
Reading v Burnley
Derby County v Doncaster Rovers
Cardiff City v Leicester City
Stoke City v Arsenal
Notts County v Wigan Athletic
Scunthorpe United v Manchester City
West Bromwich Albion v Newcastle United
Everton v Birmingham City
Accrington Stanley v Fulham
Bolton Wanderers v Sheffield United
Portsmouth v Sunderland
Preston North End v Chelsea
Aston Villa v Brighton & Hove Albion
Wolverhampton Wanderers v Crystal Palace
Tottenham Hotspur v Leeds United
*Ties played on 23/24 January 2010
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